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Dealing with a lonely life post 30-40


Submitted by Mambojambo Location: All India (All India, India)

After coming out of the traumatic period of taking immense marriage pressure, those few who still survive, for them a whole life is ahead which is uncertain and probably lonely.

Their friends cousins are now settled in their Instagram perfect life and we are not sure what exactly to look forward for.

How are you selected few dealing with this?

Reply/Post a comment


Displaying 1 to 38 of 38 comments.

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jughedspoon
Posted On Nov 22, 2021 - 05:45 PM

Honestly, Don't expect too much from life. However, Marriage isn't the only option, You have time, and probably money to travel to different places (maybe move to another country if you wanna live a completely free life away from your family), Start a small business, Try to explore your interests/hobbies, read books. The only piece of advice that I can give you is that don't let others' lives/relationships hinder your view on life, It's still nice living a lonely life, well not too lonely if you have pets and the internet.

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kinkybtmslave
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 03:51 AM

It is difficult and you will find many suggestions and examples but still i would say every life is different there struggle are different so you need to find your way.BE STRONGER THINK POSITIVE.....LAW OF ATTRACTION WILL SURELY WORK FOR YOU.GOD BLESS YOU.

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Curiousboy92 *
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 05:07 AM

Yes..i also have few friends who are at their late forty..even after having family and friends still they are feeling lonely....

I suggest to the people to have a long term connection instead of looking for fcuk buddies...After certain age u will feel bored with s*x but u want someone.to share your feelings etc

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Sjosh555
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 05:31 AM

It's difficult to survive.
As if now 34 but not get good partner. If you get it place is issue.
Responsible are issue if they are not sort it out.

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Mature_bot54
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 05:57 AM

Most are agreed that place is problem. What I suggest that after due verification for authentic friends here, why don't we create a group for occasion meet out side. This to be honest group and solely for the purpose we are here.

Decency to be adopted.

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fifty
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 08:06 AM

I believe you are talking about one who chose not to marry.
One can focus on career, learning new things.
Get involved in creative hobbies and join like minded people.
Give something to the society
Work for the underprivileged.
Keep on socialising with gay people. May find someone to have at least a friendship if not relationship.
Build a support system. Be someone's support too.
Have a goal in life.

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ANDYfook
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 09:13 AM

You need to find your ZING,
something that makes you feel alive. Keep your self buzy. Yes I have reached age 47. It gets very lonely at times. Have a good friends group. Poker nights, early cycle rides. Weekend fun. Life can have good meaning. Idle means bad. Keep your self going. Just join a painting or pottery class....

Everyday I meet somebody new. New that new person comes new ideas, new lifestyle new ways of cooking....... Love my life

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Kristy14
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 10:04 AM

Building a hobby or having a pet helps. I prefer travelling alot solo both domestic and international. Accept the fact that life isn't going to be same as it was in teens and 20s. So look for more meaningful contacts over ONS. Do take care of yourself. Most of the guys I see stop grooming and taking care of their physical looks after they have crossed 40.

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kunal16
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 11:59 AM

@andy and @kristy both of u r 100% right.... i am 42 and married with very family life but bad *** life.... i always tell my friends to get married just due to social pressure and after this age its very lonely. gays in 20 genrally look for sugar daddy so better hav a pet , make friends and just enjoy life dont get dull once to start getting dull u will land into deppression. jut live happily. if u find 1 good friend u will get 100. just make friends of ur level who wamt ur love and friendship who likes to spend time with u not loves to go to shopping with u
TC

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Sjosh555
Posted On Nov 23, 2021 - 12:31 PM

Kunal16 you are lucky one. Due to family responsibilities not able married. But not that lucky to get bottom suger dady also. It's luck.

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SHANTANUnu
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 01:10 AM

Dr friends,it's really a nice topic.
First I lost my parents and wife ,but I never feel lonely or alone.
I had cancer also finish 16 chemotherapy.
Life teach me a lot.
I always feel there lots of works which we can.
Main important thing is health.
Health is wealth.
If ur health is good then u can face bad times also enjoy good times.
So take care about your health.
Today medical insurance is very important.
I am 59 years old,still I am grooming myself.
Talk with people and observe them.
U can learn from people .it's eye opener.

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domtop31
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 02:12 AM

This is such an important topic. I think we are so bogged down by societal pressures that we forget to live for ourselves- do what we feel like, nourish our souls and bodies.
I am fortunate enough not to have to deal with any of those pressures, but I know many who had to get married only for the sake of their parents and then struggle with life after.

To those who feel lonely, my advise is to connect to the world here - have fun. I don't just mean *** (although that is always a good idea), but also connect with people who you feel comfortable with. Make a world of your own that makes you happy and content.


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Crumbleonmy
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 03:21 AM

Guys, live and let live.
Just go with the flow and enjoy life. Have no expectations from anyone, then you will not miss to enjoy life. Only when we have expectations we end up disappointed, feel lonely and seek partner. Look around life is so beautiful. As we age our *** appeal increases along with the pleasure making skills mature too. We are booming. Just enjoy.

One of these Friday's I had a chance encounter in a shopping mall with a sales guy in the men's changing room. He was way too young in his early 20's. We just did some handjob, touching and feeling each other everywhere, no hardcore. It was a weekday and less crowded; did not wanted other staff and customers to be alerted πŸ˜€
The same evening had been for evening walk and a guy in his mid 30's, he had a smooth body. When I started playing with his nipples he got so *** that he pulled me and brushed me against a wall and went crazy in an open place. Both were an experience to remember for life. Age is a number - if you know to seek pleasure, make pleasure and give pleasure. Life's beautiful ❀️

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fifty
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 03:59 AM

The guy is talking about feeling lonely in the 30s and 40s. Random *** encounters is not the solution to that problem. First you need to accept that you may remain alone for the rest of your life. And then find meaning in that life by exploring things other than *** and relationships. If and when these happen, all the more good. But still keep pursuing these activities I mentioned in my previous comment. Life is not just about ***.

Read a comment where a guy who got married and is repenting about bad *** life, advising youngsters to get married to avoid societal pressure. Do you want others to suffer just like you?


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vishal_kumar
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 11:03 AM

I am glad we discussing this topic. So important to bring out these aspects of queer life in open. :)
If nothing else it at least lets you know that what is generally projected (endless fuckfests and series of parties) isn't the norm, and you are not alone in this experience.
We all experience similar issues, to one degree or the other.
We all are on in this messy road, but just at different junctures :)

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hbkarthick
Posted On Nov 24, 2021 - 09:22 PM

This maybe your story too..After finishing college me and my gf broke up..then i thought to myself i have wasted 3 years , enough of this and started spending my time in learning and developing my passion/s..i spent time on learning skillsets rather than chatting or socializing with women..i started not to lose my self-respect to befriend someone especially women..eventually few years passed with no *** not even a sexting..i mastered in my field yet not successful but i dont regret the time spent here..my past days of being with men came back to my mind slowly, i never thought about it,i actually forgot about all those and was living a straight life for all those 7-8 years..while being in chennai i visited few cruising spots , theater and all but never initiated any fun..in various web platforms i tried to catch up with men but was hesitant in meeting them because 90% of them where blank profiles..there was a time where i was very much frustrated for *** , after lot of thinking over it i said fu*k it and spent a time with a h**ker..then had few shares of paid funs with shemales/trans in chennai..now im goin to enter my 30s thinking i could have been like others be it *** life or marriage..but cant stop thinking whether its too late or not..the bottom line is, be it 30s 40s 50s or so on..do what u love the most i have pets that takes all my time to take care of but i have a satisfaction of my life in it..and whatever you do must not harm anyone mainly yourself..its never too late to start doing what you always loved to do..

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letsfuck
Posted On Nov 25, 2021 - 06:36 AM

I don't know which city or town you are from. But irrespective of the location the divorce rates have sky rocketed. Many men and women are chksing to get seperated after marraige within a short span. So living alone , which is not necessarily lonely, is common. It is definitely not as depressing as you are making it to be. Also, many men, women and other genders are chksing to remain single in their lives. This decision is made when many are young or even young adults.

So staying.single DOES NOT necessarily make you lonely and depressed. Many of us love to be alone. And it is going to be very on in the coming years, even in India though many of the previous generations may deny it. This is because conforming.to.social.and societal.norms.is no more a necessity. Individuals can chose to live thier lives the way they want without seeking anyone's permission.


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Crumbleonmy
Posted On Nov 25, 2021 - 07:40 AM

Folks, life is not as depressing, unless we want to see and make it depressing. Single does not mean loneliness. It all starts in late 20's and early 30's when all our friends, cousins, etc get married and others start comparison. If we are grounded, we can win that too.

Even if we get married and we lose our partner during the journey after few years or decades, we start living alone and lonely; but we adapt, right? So what's the big deal to deal with it ? when we are young, restless and are able to get out and seek our worldly pleasures πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Just go live a life people. We are all made to share, spread and make love πŸ’• go spread love πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

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Jeanebad
Posted On Nov 25, 2021 - 01:12 PM

Am 32, unmarried , although i am getting pressure from my family to get married. As you said, life doesn't get boring, just because you don't have a life partner and alone. I am having time of my life in past 3 years despite covid as i met 5 different guys, chatted, did vc, met casually for hangout and atlast ended up on bed. Just because you are alone, doesn't mean your life is bad, it depends on how you live it. BTW life is short, soits better to fulfill your wishes, desires. I have my own wishlist of lust, desires and experiences. One such desire was to get myself groped and manhandled in a public place, which got fulfilled last month, when a guy who i met just in blued, was bold enough to do it to me.

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abbasulli
Posted On Nov 25, 2021 - 04:42 PM

such an apt post @mambojambo . I am going through exact same phase.
For someone who is carefree totally free of social tangles, its easy for them to navigate, but someone who is not caught in this social web they can express freely,
And as you rightly said, "there is no looking forward to" !! I feel very empty inside ! And am in depression since childhood.
Its been a tough life, wearing a mask for social setting, trying to act all normal as if everything is alright, supressing my true self!! while get back to bed weeping on cursing myself and situaitons surrounding me.

if anyone is from hyderabad ping me personally.

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burjuman
Posted On Nov 25, 2021 - 08:39 PM

Why so many people are looking for sugar daddies? Have some self-respect, get a job, earn and spend your own money. The problem is people are looking for money and #material things when they are young ( some cases even not so young) then when crossed 40 the same people are frustrated that they do not have anyone in their life. Stop being a whore and invest your time in a relationship if that is what you are looking for.

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fifty
Posted On Nov 26, 2021 - 01:59 AM

Abbasulli and Fundu, can understand what you are going through. I am 53 and past that stage. In any social gathering your relatives and friends are talking about their family life, children and you dont have anything to say. It darkens your loneliness all the more. What helped me during that period was that my job had taken me away from my hometown. Thats why I said, we need to find a goal for ourselves. If you become financially and emotionally secure you can lead an independent life later. Age is on your side. With changing times, you may be able to settle with a guy.

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Kunalc1211
Posted On Nov 26, 2021 - 07:06 AM

Hey i am 31 btm and i dont have such experience till now. But i had got a top aged 56 and he was away from his wife due to constant fights that they had. So he was depressed and lonely. When i came to know about this i asked him he can treat me as his wife. So now he shares all his joys and sorrows with me like how he would have done with his wife. And on top of that he shares his wild *** fantasies with me which he could not have done with his real wife. So now he is happy and not lonely anymore and i feel good that i am able to help him get out of his lonelyness and lead a happy life :)

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Shahidnaina
Posted On Nov 26, 2021 - 01:58 PM

This period of age between 30-40 is so much stresfull and people expect alot from u..family n friends..is this age period one forgets about his own feelings and happiness..u need someone with whom u could share ur mind,kinks,fantasies and all stuff that makes u happy..being happy u can overcome any hurdle..I wish u all best of luck who are going through this phase..be strong and express urself and try to remain positive all the time .

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kingofdesire56
Posted On Nov 26, 2021 - 04:10 PM

It all depends on person to person I think. I'm 32, I'm single and not at all married. I'm still searching, but not like going out of my way to find someone. See problems and troubles will always be there. Irrelevant of if you have someone or not. Just because you get married doesn't mean you won't have problems in life. And if you get married you'll instead have more problems. Like from in-laws, about having a son (Which is the most common questions asked by everyone). A single person has only one problem. A married person has more and more problems. I do understand you get a partner to talk and share things with while walking down the path of life. But I never thought about it like that. Thus my statement it all depends on person to person. I threw myself into work. And whatever time I get free I sleep. Because I'm physically super tired. And have to go to work the next day. That's all there is to it. Every person copes up, does things in a different way. Not everyone might be into finding someone.

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jaidesai
Posted On Nov 26, 2021 - 08:53 PM

lonely life 30-40?? you have not live 50% of your life yet! marriage may have been your only destination/vocation because society has programmed you as such. marriage is NOT the only destination/vocation in life. if you know how to cook and take care of yourself...you DO NOT NEED another person. YOU MUST APPRECIATE THAT LIFE HAS TAUGHT YOU A VALUABLE LESSON. LEARN FROM IT TO AVOID FUTURE MISTAKES AND MOVE ON.
THE OLD IDEA OF MARRIAGE WHERE THE WIFE WILL BE YOUR SERVANT/COOK/PROSTITUTE/MOTHER TO YOUR KIDS AND THAT YOUR KIDS WILL LOOK AFTER YOU IN YOUR OLD AGE WORKED FOR THE PAST GENERATIONS BUT IS NO LONGER VALID.
you are FREE to do as you please, when you please and what pleases you.
OPEN YOUR HEAD, EYES, EARS AND HEART TO NEW POSSIBILITIES.

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Doriangray666
Posted On Nov 27, 2021 - 03:37 AM

Im 31 now , realised the importance of friends when a problem happened recently. So its really important to find genuine friends rather than f*ck buddies.

Even the person i thought to be close buddy is ready to meet only if i'll f*ck

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Apb
Posted On Nov 27, 2021 - 03:57 AM

@Doriangray666
True,,everything changes with the time,and situation,
also friends,

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mayank_blr
Posted On Nov 27, 2021 - 08:12 AM


I think there are many dimensions to this problem. One which most of us ignore is the need for emotional support and expression. We all need it and we all need to express ourselves. Who do we express with... a friend, a sexmate, wife or boyfriend? Definitely we need someone who knows us and will be there with us, someone who can face it and we should be ready to face them.

Hobbies, job, business, learning etc cannot replace our social and emotional thurst. Probably we should all think further than *** and be open to meet for friendship or just plain meet. If straight guys can get together without involving *** why cant gay men??

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sameer143347
Posted On Nov 27, 2021 - 02:19 PM

I amy be completely wrong here, however this is what i think:

What i feel is the need for emotional support and expression for many of us starts with asking about other persons preference of brjng a top or bottom and are decided here on the basis of looks. Being expressive here is tagged as being dramatic or being over the top.

Such things leads many of us to keep things to ourselves and we do not discuss with anyone thus the feeling of being lonely begins to cave in.

Adding further to this lonliness is our own barriers and prejucide that we keep while meeting or interacting with others. For eg. The basic requirement or the most frequently asked question is picture if the other person to even respond. 99% of us go to dating sites just to jump on to bed without any feeling or any emotions such mindsets refrain us from talking to the other person and thus increasing the feeling of lonliness.

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behenchod
Posted On Nov 27, 2021 - 11:51 PM

Great topic and I'm impressed with the positive and supportive responses. Kudos boys!!! Thanks for vocalizing your recommendations, solutions and anecdotes. They are all helpful for someone searching for answers.

I do see the need of an inner circle of friends around you but I also different take. This is for all gays, irrespective they are dating/ in relationship/ whoring around or celibate. You will have to work on 5 things in your life. If you start younger the better, this includes my spring chickens and hatchlings that are starting their exploration too.

1. Find a group of close friend circle- I know it is easier said than done. But remember you can click with someone instantly or a meaningful friendship can be build over years. Not every random encounter or a *** buddy will turn into your best friend, but keep the option open. See if you can do social activities with them, going for shopping, movies, hanging out, celebrating something with them.. something beyond *** escapades.

2. Build you health- Yes, we all like good taut bodies. But know good body and exercising does help you in long term in your physical and mental well being. If you are going to single (not alone), then you do need to take care of your yourself. Well the sweaty bodies in gym and sauna can be incentive.

3. Financial independence- If you want to survive in the society as a single man, with the social pressure of being an unmarried guy, then you need to do it in style. Talk to financial advisor, put a portfolio together, start investing, buy money making assets, start a side hustle to make extra income- you need to be thinking about your lifestyle and retirement and medical expenses in future. Support each other to attend financial goals. I don't mean start and fall for those pyramid/ MLM schemes, but an actual business or side hustle. Always be the loyal client of your friends (whether straight or gay) business without expecting or demanding discount.
If you are in 20s, 30s and 40s, you need to absolutely start getting your act together for financial independence. Living salary to salary is not your life.

4. Mental Health- Stop obsessing over *** and finding a partner. Both will happen and you will know. Think about how you are going to enjoy your life. There are many singles groups , Activities groups, go join them without expecting to find someone for *** or love. On facebook there are many groups like the cycling group, trekkers, bikeriders, work out buddies, develop hobbies and join hobby group and no, being busy with work is not a valid excuse. I personally don't believe or do- meditation, but many of friends live by it. So if meditation helps you do it.

5. Stop feeling sorry and desperate- Always remember "Misery likes company", when you start feeling sorry for yourself and become desperate- you will become anxious, become vulnerable, let others take advantage of your vulnerability, more regret, more desperation, feeling of inadequacy and depression will follow. -" Instagram perfect life" well, sorry to bust the bubble, but Instagram is carefully curated gallery, it is not the perfect life. Imagine, you start uploading your pics of gyming, rappling, whitewater rafting, trekking, vacations, dining at hottest spot in city, flying out for weekend, nightout with boys... you will be living someone else's idea of "perfect" life.


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Maggie
Posted On Nov 29, 2021 - 05:23 AM

If u r mentally tough and good social life u can survive now after 50 it's going to be difficult. Have an interest and start a trust and help others to succeed in their Lives

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vishal_kumar
Posted On Dec 1, 2021 - 07:26 AM

I don't know your life, so can't comment or suggest anything. So here are few snapshots of my mind, which I can share. Hopefully I would be able to word a glimpse of my inner life, with sincerity. Being lonely...well not a great feeling. Not saying that I don't enjoy solitude, I do. However no matter how stoic I am, there are moments when I need someone. Not always romantically. Even being with someone (a friend) I can be myself, is a great relief. It is like taking a much needed break from never-ending drama of life. A drama where I have been given a script to act. Employee, son, colleague, neighbor, brother..... each dictated more by perceived collective normality, than being in line with my inner self. If you are lucky maybe you would enjoy a greater degree of authenticity in few close relationships, yet the plot remains the same.
Hence friendship for me is probably one of those very few relationships, where I can chose the degree of authenticity, and in case my authenticity is a bit too much for others to handle (or not compatible), we can always part ways on amicable note.
In effect what I end up getting is a safe space where I can let my guards down and witness each other. It is like a weight being lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe again. It might not last that long, it might not happen as often, yet I can still derive sustenance from memory of my experience. To know that there is still a safe space, helps me in getting over those days, when sadness tends to break boundaries of my sanity.
I see my married friends facing the same issue but with more intensity. Many of them want to be in a romantic relationship, but given the family situation, can’t. Most of them do benefit from a small intimate friend circle (emotionally not sexually), where they can be themselves. It kinda acts like a safety vent, to let off steam before it gets a bit too much.
PS – When I say friends, I do not mean *** buddies.

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randomMsg
Posted On Dec 2, 2021 - 06:50 AM

@viahal_Kumar, I agree,
Ppl who are introverts can manage but ppl who are extroverts find it hard to overcome this lonely feeling, according to me if we have to overcome the loneliness we need to bring positive energy within, one way is being religious, at least you will have your god to hear you, instead of relying on ppl which involves risk of getting preyed, one way or the other by hurting or being hurt each other.

Other way is by going out for a long drive over a weekend, when you are lonely and don't have anyone to worried of then we can have an adventure of going out. If not a perticular place we can enjoy the roadside beauty, that's how I overcome my loneliness.

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Curiousboy92 *
Posted On Dec 3, 2021 - 02:20 AM

I am a 27 year old..I was thinking that I am an introvert, but now I am understanding that I am shy not introvert.

I dont have any friends. I enjoy my own company. Wherever I want to go, I go alone. But somewhere I feel I am lonely. Because of this I feel depressed, don't know how to overcome this.

I can meet an unknown inside four wall to have S*x, but when it comes to meet a person and make friends os a big task to me...

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randomMsg
Posted On Dec 3, 2021 - 04:39 AM

@curiousboy92 one of the characteristics of interovert is shy, its not same for all, I have seen introverts who as not shy and also who are so shy that they don't come out in public not even when there is a relative come to meet him / her.

Its is not necessary that an introvert should be shy. Most of the time its seen that an introvert has shyness by nature.

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abbasulli
Posted On Dec 3, 2021 - 11:25 AM

irrespective of personality type, its very hard to hold this secret in everysecond, it is such a huge baggage, that will impact us soo much. no wonder, there is high suicide rate in LGBT particularly Gay men community.
Only thing i can say is, we are born way ahead of time. just pray, this life passes on smoothly until another one.

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randomMsg
Posted On Dec 4, 2021 - 07:35 AM

@Curiousboy92 dont feel low, its solace personality that is making you stop, but to overcome it you can find a companion for starter who is just a long ride buddy, that will lead you to meet new ppl whom you can rely on. So till then enjoy your long / short refreshing rides. Dont overthink, and yes do not *** very often LOL :).