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Dealing with a lonely life post 30-40


Submitted by Mambojambo Location: All India (All India, India)

After coming out of the traumatic period of taking immense marriage pressure, those few who still survive, for them a whole life is ahead which is uncertain and probably lonely.

Their friends cousins are now settled in their Instagram perfect life and we are not sure what exactly to look forward for.

How are you selected few dealing with this?

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Displaying 51 to 92 of 92 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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Mambojambo
Posted On Jan 4, 2022 - 01:24 AM

ya a small trip sounds grt... but its better to have some basic know how of other participants rather than total strangers going for an outing

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Chiknabadan
Posted On Jan 4, 2022 - 05:25 PM

This is a very relevant post. I was in a relationship with a man for an year. The relationship was very abusive. I was called filthy names and humiliated on almost daily basis. I tolerated everything just because I thought it would be better to be with someone than being alone. But then one day I was dumped by my partner who wanted to marry a girl. Suddenly my whole world came crashing down. I went into depression and later got diabetes due to stress. But when I look back today, I think that first of all it's we ourselves who need to love us. If we will love ourselves, our lives might be lonely but atleast we won't get humiliated and we'll have the power to walk out of abusive relationships. Today I'm alone but at a much better place in terms of health and peace of mind as compared to the time when I was in a relationship but lived in fear of being abused or beaten up daily.

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PowerBottom26
Posted On Jan 4, 2022 - 06:37 PM

@Chiknabadan I'm so sorry to hear that dear..But always better to be alone than in an abusive relationship

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hotbotpop
Posted On Jan 25, 2022 - 06:34 PM

I'm quite surprised to see this post. I'm 34 and married. I crave for such times where I can have solo fun with myself. When I'm alone I don't look around for *** buddies or anything. All I do is just relish my own time where I don't have to put up with anyone's expectations. I can read, watch movies, go to beach, explore places, go shopping, go temples, ***, laze around, browse grindr or do whatever I feel like. Business trips were so much fun where I can be myself for a few days. Unfortunately with Covid, it's not happening off late. I used to think those gays who are not married (whether or not out of closet) will have so much freedom to do whatever they want and can have so much fun. So in a way, I'm quite surprised by this post.
There are so many places to travel, so much to read/watch and so much to experience that one lifetime is not sufficient. As long as you are physically healthy and does not need full time care (which may be a long way for most) AND if you are financially well-off, I'm wondering what makes you feel lonely. Is it comparison with your straight friends or the society conditioning that marriage is a must to fit in?

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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 25, 2022 - 06:44 PM

@hotbotpop

Perhaps such 'surprise' is not unexpected given that you are just 34 and married. You will not be able to understand what single gay guys goe through ' after' coming out.
Only when you look at it from various perspectives as to how lonely life can get and feel.

You should feel grateful for life you have.

'Grass is always greener on other side ' perhaps describes the situation better.
There are pros and cons to each of these situations though odds are heavily against single men and women ( whether heterosexual or homosexual ) but more so for single homosexuals especially in latter part of life.

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hotbotpop
Posted On Jan 26, 2022 - 08:11 PM

Ok I see the below problems for unmarried gay guys that makes them feel lonely past a certain age.
1. All their straight friends are married and they talk about family, children and stuff and you wouldn't fit in.
2. No company to share joys/sorrows and nothing much to look forward to.
3. Any questions of why you are not married makes you feel embarrassed.

We look around and that's what we see everywhere. Everyone is married, everyone have kids and everyone is posting pics on insta and we feel inferior may be. But 70% of it is because, we are conditioned to believe life is all about marriage, kids and family.

What's stopping you from having a close friend? Let's say a gay friend with whom you can share everything in life? I'm married but still have a very close unmarried gay friend, with whom I share every problems. Sometimes problems which I can't even discuss with my wife. I've never even had *** with him.

I'm living in the US and I see lot of people here (even straight ones) are not married or they are divorced. They live single lives past 40-50 years of age. They spend their times working out, running, dating, traveling with friends or like-minded people or just working. All these things even we can do provided we are financially well-off. What's stopping us?

So it's all about comparison and the deep ingrained thought that marriage is a must. Marriage is not a solution for your loneliness. After all, if you are married, there are N number of problems none of which you would face.


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fifty
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 01:13 AM

@hotbotpop, the first para lists the symptoms of loneliness. These thing accentuate it. But cause remains the same.
Does your gay friend share his problems, thoughts, feelings with you?

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fifty
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 01:17 AM

@hotbitpop, about your previous post? Doesn't everyone crave for what they don't have? You crave for freedom because you don't get it often. We crave for bond, because we don't get it. Will you give up your bond to be free forever?

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kingofdesire56
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 04:54 AM

Idk if I post my comment, will it feel like a silly one or not. But I genuinely don't see how this thread got extended so much. I think people do forget to do the simple things. As such if you're lonely, and if you're bored, then there's only one thing for you to do. "Get out and try to make yourself not lonely anymore". Geez. Go socialize. It's not like there's no 10,000 apps and other social media platforms where you can't connect with people worldwide. I'm working from home now-a-days, so it's easy for me to keep myself connected with people online using other platforms like Discord or Facebook, where I interact with people from different countries. It helps me because everyone's on different timezones, so at any point of the day someone or the other is always online to talk to. Besides didn't someone say "Idle mind is a devil's workshop ?". So don't keep yourself idle. Try to keep yourself involved with work and other stuff. You won't feel lonely at all.

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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 05:31 AM

@hotbotpop

Thanks for further contexualising your earlier post with newer post with your personal details.

To paraphrase your situation
You are an Indian guy in US who is married and is facing several problems that you can't discuss with your wife i.e. your life partner but with your close gay friend with whom you share platonic bond ( you have not had *** with him ...yet )

I totally empathise with your predicament which you allude to , with as many phrases " N number of problems , unable to speak to wife , marriage is not everything etc etc "
It seems you are struggling with your issues arising from heteosexual marriage and your sexual identity conflict. It is great that you have a nice gay friend that lends you a patient ear ; professional help from LGBTQIA friendly counselor may also help as they have expertise and show you coping strategies or make you aware of various options that you may be struggling to come to terms with.

Now , your comments need to be seen in light of your situation. Please note that it is common mental defence strategy to seek to enlarge your own issues by trying to minimise issues others may be facing.

Subtext of your post screams " You all have no idea what gay man trapped in heterosexual marriage faces. You all have no idea how lucky you are with freedom you are oblivious off "

I really feel for you. Please take care and seek help if your problems are overwhelming. But please do not try to undermine gravity of mental health issues faced by single / unpartnered LGBTQIA members.

Each os us have issues to deal with and there are strategies , methods for that.

Issues pertaining loneliness post 30-40 are real. Sometimes you can be lonely despite and inspite of marriage and you seek and find solace in platonic companionship / friendship . This is one of the way you are dealing with it.
May I also add India and US are thousand miles apart - physically as well as figuratively. Each society has own set of strengths and challenges. It is a grave error to directly extraploate situation US to Indian setting. LGBTQIA members in India face much more waried and deeper challenges. We can't and shouldn't compare American Apples with Indian Oranges.

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hotbotpop
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 02:25 PM

@fifty - Yes, he does. It's mutual. I hope you do get your bond. Socializing as @kingofdesire56 is one way and probably the only way.

@DrGoogle - No, I'm not minimizing issues faced by single gay men. Some of them assume being married is a solution to all loneliness, so I just wanted to clarify that is not the case.

It's only a few years since I moved to the US and I've lived in India all my life, so I do have an idea of how things work there. There are certain differences and deeper challenges, I agree.

My problems are not overwhelming now because I did find coping strategies. It's so much better now. Similarly I thought of providing some coping strategies for unmarried lonely people from my perspective.

So what do you expect me to say after all - "Oh you feel lonely? I'm so sorry to hear that!". Is that it?

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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 04:13 PM

Dear @hotbotpop

Thanks once again for your rejoinder.
I am glad that you admitt that there are 'certain' differences and 'deeper' challenges as far as LGBTQIA community issues in India vis a vis US are concerned .

Now let me share that the differences and challenges are really of extreme degree. LGBTQIA community enjoys several rights ( including legalised marriages / civil unions in several states there , rights to parenthood , rights to adoption ) that Indian LGBTQIA community can only dream of. Even societal acceptance is far better there. Here LGBTQIA has to celebrate ' decriminalisation' of *** *** as a major victory ! LGBTQIA community existence is rarely referred to let alone be acknowledged. Forget about dignified equal rights in all domains. When athlete Hima Das came out - nobody from mainstream ( politcians , celebs ) supported her. There was absolute silence about her coming out. US is developed country ; even prisoners in US get better amenities and food. In US nobody bothers what you do in private because ' privacy' is respected. In India family , peers , neighbours act as sadist -voyeurs. Societal pressure to marry and produce heir to family is stupendous. Please don't try to blindly prescribe American solutions to ' Indian ' setting. Indian gay men and women have families to look after. Family bonds , responsibilities , oblgations are enormous.
Even today women and their spouses continue to be murdered because they married partner of their choice that family did not approve. THIS is our INDIA.

If you really want to understand challenges faced by Single / divorced LGBTQIA members in India you need to experience our life. Before you 'preach' us that shoe is good enough , please wear this shoe and walk in it atleast a mile . You will know exactly where it pinches and how much. Perhaps you may consider coming out of your own marriage of convenience , move back to India , live with your Indian family - neighbours-community and then practise your 'coping strategies' and then share us their efficacy in Indian setting.

You ask what I expect you to say.
Well first and foremost ' Don't exclaim your 'surprise' ! Acknowledging that problem exists is a good first step. Empathising with those who are suffering is a good next step before you 'preach' them any solutions.

Please understand that to love and be loved is a basic human need. Loneliness arising out of not having anyone to share and experience love is a profoundly debilitating suffering. We ought not to belittle this huge and significant challenge that millions and millions of fellow LGBTQIA members face here in India and elsewhere . Since you are in US , I strongly urge you to look at US data and statistics about Depression and several other mental health challenges within LGBTQIA community there. I think after going through that data your own observations of How Single gay men and women are happy in US will appear deceptively untrue to you.


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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 04:34 PM

Correction - regarding post above I inadvertentently wrote ' Hima Das ' instead of Dutee chand.

I meant to say that when athlete ' Dutee Chand ' came out as Gay nobody supported her. Her mother , sisters , villagers disowned her.

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hotbotpop
Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 11:11 PM

@DrGoogle

Hmm I'm married and closeted, so society does not look at me like an outcast. That's probably why I did not understand the challenges enough. Here in US, influential people extend support and even celebrate anyone coming out (like Apple CEO Tim Cook, Lady Gaga and many others). They also get equal opportunity, one of my own teammates is a trans woman, so yes there's a lot of difference in acceptance. Sorry for being indifferent. Hope things change in our country for the better.

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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 28, 2022 - 05:31 AM

Dear @hotbotpop

My apologies if I appeared fierce. I mean no malice for the pointed words I deploy except to make a point rather forcefully.
Thanks for enlivening this important topic.
We all look at things from our own prejudiced perspectives ; been there and done that, hence it is alright to err. India ( and other countries too ) will get better if each one of us broaden horizons of our compassion.
When people change societies do although it is generally a painfully slow process.
But atleast our posterity will enjoy their rights in better manner as we do compared to those who came before us , strived and made things little easy.
The reason why we are able to have these conversations today is that some brave people pushed the envelope further.

It is our great fortune and must say kudos to those who made 'Ohmojo' possible that a space has been created and is being maintained to enable such interactions and exchange of ideas.

So there goes one important solution to deal with loneliness and that is to reach out to likemended people , interact and have heart to heart conversations !

Wish you all the best in your life.

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letsfuck
Posted On Jan 28, 2022 - 06:19 AM

Golden Rule : Grass is always greener on the other side. WHich side you choose doesnt matter.

All the discussion here is from a heteronormative perspective. We have to realise that gay relationships are different from straight relationships. One cannot use the template of straight marraiges to gay relationships. The dynamics are very different. The means for LGTQIA++ relationships and marraiges are still evolving. SO one cannot analyse queer relationships in the same light.


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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 28, 2022 - 06:46 AM

@Letsfuck

Very well said and summarised.

Though it is true that Queer relationships have different dynamics and template of Heterosexual marriages ( I strongly dislike term 'Straight' ! Gays are what then ' Crooked' ? 🤨 .
Though on lighter note - some of us may be 😉 )

Such differences , I believe , are only outward and shaped by society.
Deep down it is same thing - Two ( or more ) individuals who long to belong , yearn to be yearned for and love to be loved. This is the crux of all relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual.

They can be of many hues and flavors - Kinship , Friendship , Comradeship , Companionship and what not.
Everything shouldn't boil down to sexually motivated relationships though I don't underestimate the role of lust in fostering love. But after certain age-phase lust becomes less important.

And these other relationships make life far beautiful whether singled or partnered ( before and after 40s or ...whatever number one wants to put to one's stage of life )


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abbasulli
Posted On Mar 11, 2022 - 09:44 AM

I somehow feel being a gay bottom is the lowest rank of sexual format.. and hopelessness sinks in very deep in this hetro normative society!! not a day goes by where suicidal thoughts come by..! its a vicious loop of will to live .. social rejection .. suicidal!!

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friendnnd
Posted On Mar 12, 2022 - 07:50 AM

@abbasulli - i would strongly suggest that you take up some social service activity of your choice. Mutliple benefits - 1) you will be engaged and so reduce suicidal thoughts (usually it comes when you are lonely) 2) you can be of some service to mankind and feel happy about it 3) you can make good friends - dont have to be gay and end up in ***, but still good companianship could come out.

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4GenuineOnly
Posted On Apr 29, 2022 - 09:19 AM

It Happen Generally. Why..? Answer is Very Simple,
You and Most of Bottoms/Gays prefer to go with Person/Gay/Pure Top whom You like or Love but Never Like to go with that Pure Top/Gay who like/Love you. whom you like/love that case loyalty depends upon you as you are chooser but when some one chooses/love/like you in that case loyalty automatically goes in his part.. its natural phenomena.
so go with such Person /Pure Top/Gay who like/love you not with whom you love /like

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bhimosingh
Posted On Apr 29, 2022 - 04:59 PM

Lonely in 30s?

Where are you guys living? In some remote island with few people? Wake up guys.
Life has just begun for many of us. 30 is perhaps the new 20s.

And, about the thing called 'lonely', ah, that's a reality in every stage of life.
Whether you are a gay or an alpha male or a demi god, we all have our little things,
and we barely can do anything about it.

What we can do is to enjoy our lives, like travelling, developing new hobbies, driving and yada yada.

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Lips4hugepoles
Posted On Apr 29, 2022 - 10:53 PM

@abbasulli but why do you need to come out of the closet to the world

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Mumbaiblues
Posted On May 8, 2022 - 08:30 AM

Man... hotbotpop is the typical married gay or just a fake story teller, either way it is quite revealing to know his issues while he pretends to be upbeat.

This is the problem with most Indian Married (to a girl) Gay Men, they are living a lie and much of the forum on this site are filled with the ways they are dealing with their lies, from trying to f**k a masseur, to Uber/Ola/Rapido drivers to Labourers without getting caught.

If this site doesn't hold a mirror to Married Gay guys who have "partner to share their joys/sorrows" as he put it, but still prefer to lurk in shadows trying to get a guy to jerk him off or at least touch him, nothing will.

I am not married, not ashamed of it or hesitate to say it, I am happy, I don't feel lonely, I have life other than being Gay and I don't have to go to desperate measures to seek intimacy with a Man.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 8, 2022 - 05:52 PM

@mumbaiblues. You’ve made yourself clear about your type in your profile. That doesn’t mean you have to frown upon others who chose a different life.

Homosexuality in India is still a taboo despite its recent legality. It will take a generation to bring societal acceptance. It will take another generation to get to levels of social equality like the West.

Not everyone has the courage to come out, walk a path in life that’s not common and still be happy about it.

If you have, then I’m happy for you. Good job. Again, that doesn’t mean you have to frown upon others who chose a different life.

This little rant about this site showing a mirror, desperate measures to seek intimacy etc. clearly shows you’re not a pleasant person yourself.

I hope you’re aware that you’re also on this website looking for ‘unmarried bottoms between 20-30’.

Please get off the moral high horse and let people live how they can.

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bidesi
Posted On May 8, 2022 - 09:31 PM

@ilovemasculinit applause!

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Mumbaiblues
Posted On May 9, 2022 - 04:15 AM

It's quite hard for some people to swallow the reality when told.
West doesn't have whatever progress they have because all gays got married and whined about it online, it has because there were many who didn't accept and faced the reality.
I am on this website looking for "unmarried" bottoms, because I despise coward hypocrite married Gays more than homophobic straight guys.
Married gays are enemy to their own kind in my opinion.
So, enjoy your lives of lies and shadow living with rest of the similar ones, I don't give a flying F**k what your kind of people think tbh, just wanted to make another what you find Rant, when somebody tells the truth.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 12:34 AM

@Mumbaiblues,

The reality is, you’re trying to live your life like a westerner in India. You consume so much western media that you have formed an alternate world for yourself. In that make believe world, you want to project superiority of your decision over others. And in the same rosy world you choose to ignore history.

The reality is western countries started legalising/decriminalising homosexuality as early as 1962. Trans rights have been established, elective surgical gender reassignment legal from as early as 1972. The west has had 50 - 60 years of head start over us. That’s a lot of time for societies to change. And we’re talking about a mostly homogeneous societies back then(same ethnicity, race, language).

The reality is that it has been only 4 years since 377 was struck down. Our ultra diverse and conservative society needs time to change. Thanks to the majority Hindu population, it will happen. Slowly but surely. We’ve officially recognised the third gender already. India is like an elephant.

The reality is that gay men hiding behind marriage will happen for another 20 years.

The reality is that you’re such a bitter and a pathetic person. And unfortunately you’re also a person so far removed from reality.


“I despise married gays than homophobic straight guys”
Awww, aren’t you cute? Talking like an edgy teenager.

“I don’t give a flying f*ck”
For someone who started started the whole hate thread, you do give a lot of flying f*cks.

“Your kind of people”
There we go. The superiority again. Seriously, you think you’re a better person just because you didn’t f*cking marry and look for unmarried 20-30 bottoms on OhMojo? I pity your real life if this how you think. Permanently judgy, permanently bitter.

Yes, your comments are just rants. Your need to feel superior, to look down upon married gays, to call them names etc. on a website meant for cruising, says everything we need to know about your happy 30-40 life.

Adios.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 12:44 AM

@Mumbaiblues: your entire stance is hypocritical. Your whole argument can be summed up as ‘I want the society to accept me and my sexual orientation. I don’t want any discrimination or hatred towards me. But I will despise married gay men and I cannot accept them’. You’re just a different version of a straight homophobe.

You’re 38. Your words don’t reflect the maturity that comes with your age.

@everyoneelse: this was just a conversation between me and mumbaiblues. I did not intend to hurt anyone else. If I have, it was unintentional and I apologise for that.

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Mumbaiblues
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 04:27 AM

I am not in conversation with any single individual here, definitely not with married gays... I am just saying my opinion about married gays whining about loneliness; and I don't care about married Gays.
They don't even know what they are talking. So, I am not going to respond to such insane justifications, go back to your wives and kids.

If you are Single Gay Man and feel lonely, seek a professional help, even straight guys feel that way.
Don't lurk in shady forums filled with hypocrites and shady married Gays who are not professional therapists.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 05:47 AM

Lol. Then, I’m just saying it out to the forum here. If they don’t care about married gays, then single unmarried gays should probably whine elsewhere about how they despise married gays.

These single gays live in an alternate western reality painfully oblivious to cultural and social makeups and structures of this country. Even in the face of facts, some people use poor logic to air their superiority If these illogical and one dimensional people with blinders are the torch bearers of the LGBTQ movement, I fear for the future acceptance and social integration of the community.

It is also ironical that some single gays perceive married gays in the same light as how straight homophobes perceive gays - with contempt and disgust - seeing the other group as subhuman. They are just different varieties of wretched people. And ironical the very hypocrites use the word ‘hypocrites’ with no idea of the meaning of the word.

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Mumbaiblues
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 06:15 AM

It is more than contempt and disgust towards married gay guys, they are lowest scums of society.

They are not only lying to their wives and kids lurking in shadows, they bring bad name to single Gay guys by engaging in insane behaviors to satisfy their sexual needs hiding from their family, friends and society.
They are the scums of the society, at least the homophobic straight guys aren't saying one thing in public and living another life in private.

There are idiots who think Homosexuality was "invented" by West, that shows how stupidly insane they are. I guess the Sanghi sanskari types think that way who preach one thing and practice another.
The insanity of stupid arguments some of them post here makes me throw up.

These are the last people young and single Gay guys should be seeking advice from. These are the morons who advice to get married because "some how it is not 'Indian culture" to be single and be Gay.
I can say even more, but it is pointless to be engaging with these sick idiots who have no idea about being Gay or fighting for rights, it is talking to a stone.

For all young/old single Gays... Loneliness is not reserved for Gays, it happens to straight guys as well, it is not problem of any East/West. If you feel it is intolerable and leading to depression, please seek professional help.
And avoid forums like these and taking advice from bigots, dimwits, hypocrites, and morons who are living a lie and think they have experienced life to advice.
If somebody adds stupid things like culture, East/West and other bullshit to loneliness, assume they are idiots, because loneliness and depression and challenges of being Gay and single is not limited to any culture or country.

They are just here to justify their cowardice getting away from their wives and kids.



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ManMode
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 06:38 AM

The conversation is heading in wrong direction. Very individual takes certain decisions in life. Some correct and some incorrect. A married man cannot have an alternate sexual orientation sounds very good. But is life really perfect. We live in a grey world. Its a mix of White and Black. This world is full of imperfect people aspiring to be perfect.
It would be a case where married men have realized their orientation late in life. This site is full of married and unmarried men seeking what they do not have in life. If this world was so perfect, this site would never have existed. The fact that this platform is required shows what kind of lives we are living in. Most of the Ids on this platform are no where connected with the real names and identity of the individuals.
Black Sheep are very where. We can have married men who are fraud and we can have unmarried men who are fraud.
What has an individual gone through in his life we all do not know. Based on some comments / experience we reach a conclusion that one category of Gay men are bad / wrong is a grave mistake.
To generalize that all married men of our community are wrong will be incorrect. Lets learn to live with alternate thinking also. We cannot uphold that my only thinking is correct. I have had good and bad experience from both married and unmarried men. However, I do not conclude anything. That's life. Learn to live with imperfections. Learn to accommodate alternate thoughts also. If this kind of difference occur within community, how can we expect acceptance from the other communities at large.
Live and let Live.
This communication is not directed towards any individual of our community and hence it is not to hurt anyone.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 06:43 AM

Hahahaha. And the true face shows. Replace married gays with just gays and you have a homophobic rant. Imagine saying I trust a homophobe. The delusion and sheer stupidity.

This is what eco chambers do to even an adult - remove the ability to think for themselves.

Certain people are pathetic, delusional, and politically motivated. (Oh btw it is the Sanghi govt that accepted court’s order to legalise, unlike certain other party of other political ideology). The same certain people seek create divide, spread hatred, and be toxic and insufferable in general. They ensure everyone around them suffer the toxic and shitty personality. These people with their moral superiority are the true scums of the Earth. The ape the West with no idea of cultural and social setup.

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Ilovemasculinit
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 06:46 AM

@manmode. I’ve been try to tell this to certain poster here who has been using very very hateful language. I started off even appreciating him for his decision and kindly told him not everyone can afford to make that bold step. But that person chose to go all toxic by calling names, getting political etc. I had to return the favour.

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Amogh
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 04:44 PM

So much venom, intolerance and name-calling in the last few posts.

In order to not waste time of many people, let me make it clear that I'm a scum (a married bi-man), belonging to the lowest of the low human divisions.

Please read on if you want to hear a hypocrite share his two cents.

I accept that each person is entitled to his/her own opinion. I also accept the fact that a person is entitled to share his views. But calling names?!! Such a low point in the conversation. Please be civilized during discussions. There is no reason to believe that you're morally pure than others here.

Our community is actively fighting for inclusion and acceptance and end of discrimination from the whole community. While there are some within our community who discriminate against the own members of our community just because they are married and living a life of lies (in their opinion). Ironic isn't it?!!

Our community has suffered a lot because other people look down upon us because they think we are morally corrupt. At the same time, it is disheartening to see our very own community members looking down upon a few of us in the same way. Hypocrisy is to wish for the whole human race to accept as one is but that same person doesn't accept other people for who they're!!

There are many reasons a bisexual person is living a life of 'lies'. Each person is matured enough to have weighed pros and cons of leading such a life. Please understand that the reasons are his reasons. The reasons might be beyond your comprehension and hence might not be apparent to you. If you don't like such people, stay away from them. No need to catcall names.

Boy!! It looks like a married bi-man screwed you up big time. If this is really true, we're here to help you. After all, isn't this the whole point of our community? Standing for one another at the time of need. It is sad to see people advancing their own agenda without helping one another.

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Topsyturvy
Posted On May 12, 2022 - 02:10 AM

I agree that most Indian men have to succumb to family pressure and at times even threats from parents to get married. It is really a tricky situation and ravages you emotionally and mentally. Ultimately, the man gives in and gets married, his sexual orientation notwithstanding, and continues to seek pleasure outside. I get that and l don't condemn them for that.
Imagine a situation where the wife of a gay man starts seeking pleasure outside, just the way some married men do. How would that married gay man react after he finds out what his wife is upto, is what l am interested in knowing. If he accepts this behaviour of his wife without condemning her, l would be indeed very happy. That's what is called being open-minded.

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ManMode
Posted On May 12, 2022 - 05:53 AM

@Amogh: Fully agree with your point of view.

@topsyturvy: Married men enjoying out of marriage may be wrong. Lets leave that between two married matured individuals. We are not on this platform for moral policing. Each individual has taken his decision looking at the pros and cons of his decision. A married man has put lots on stake to have an alternate life.

While talking about unmarried men. I understand all the unmarried men out hear have displayed their true identity and true self. No one does. But according to some this is little wrong and other this is big wrong.

In short, first, lets not be moral police. Each individual makes his or her choices. How would he deal with his wife going out and enjoy is his perspective and he and that person needs to understand.

Every one has a choice. Some like matured, some like young, some like thin, some like fat with tummy. If I like young men, I will not condemn an old guy on this platform. I will move on.

Kindly think over, we are on this platform with a pseudo identity. Think WHY? I can point one flinger at other while four are pointing at me.

Live and Let Live. World is big enough to accommodate all. Only thing required is we should not come in path of others. Respect all human beings and other view points.

I have enjoyed reading comments on this site. It have been a wonderful journey. Lets continue it that way.

THANKS


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MayankWhitefiel
Posted On May 12, 2022 - 10:43 AM

totally agree with @Amogh and @ManMode... we want more and more people in our community to think like you guys..

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fifty
Posted On May 12, 2022 - 12:42 PM

I am copy pasting the title of the thread and subject of discussion as spelled out by the conversation starter -

Dealing with a lonely life post 30-40

After coming out of the traumatic period of taking immense marriage pressure, those few who still survive, for them a whole life is ahead which is uncertain and probably lonely.

Their friends cousins are now settled in their Instagram perfect life and we are not sure what exactly to look forward for.

How are you selected few dealing with this?

Why are we discussing problems of married bi-men on this thread? Isnt their another thread for that purpose? If not, someone who is facing those problems can start one. I wont butt in on that thread for certain.

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abbasulli
Posted On May 12, 2022 - 04:40 PM

guys .. can we have support group in hyderabad?
which is strictly closeted !! just for the mental well being? we can have monthly meetups ... and discuss issue in non judgemental zone..! where you can speak out your hearts out and have the burden removed?

most of the times we suffer jsut because,, we carry the baggage of emotions..!

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ThaneGuy
Posted On May 14, 2022 - 03:56 AM

I would love to give company to an older man to drive away loneliness.
Because I'm not in that phase yet. I'm 30, my carrier is taking me places and I get on and off into hetero relationships. But I really like older guys and would love to spend time with someone who's willing.

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bananadreamz
Posted On May 15, 2022 - 03:41 AM

chill it guys.. dont allow one judgy guy to spoil the tempo here. Gaying is a seperate world by itself. it has many forms and implications. be married and happily gay. Who is anyone to judge? Infact i have a seperate daddy crush for married mature men. how sinful am i ?

Just smile and keep cruising.. Love and lust are jus around the corner.


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