Does being gay allow us to touch without consent?
Does being gay allow us to touch someone without their consent?
A lot of guys write down their experiences of either touching or being touched by strangers in public places on this website. And every time i read such stories, few basic questions arise in my mind. Is it right to involve in such an act? Aren't such acts a form of sexual harassment? And does being gay grant us the right to involve in such an act?
I know that a lot of guys find such experiences exciting in many ways. But according to me this, by any means, is not the right and acceptable way (legally and morally) of approaching anyone at all. And being a gay man myself, i'm fully aware of the fact that it's not easy for the people of our community to show their feelings in the same way as heterosexuals. It does require more guts. But, in my opinion, that also shouldn't be the justification of the action of touching someone in an improper way.
So, i would love to know the opinion of you guys here. What do you all think about this issue?
P. S. I would like to hear the opinion of all the guys here irrespective of the fact that either you have involved yourself in such acts or not. Everyone's opinions matter and would help us to understand the topic in a much better way. Also i would request all not to hurl personal attacks on anyone on the thread based on their past experiences. In my opinion, a healthy discussion barring personal attacks is the need of the hour for understanding the root cause of this issue.
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|Displaying 1 to 50 of 82 comments.|
|Previous comments: 1 2 |
|Posted On Jan 8, 2021 - 05:57 PM|
Definately touching (sensually) someone without their consent is not a good gesture.
There is no law, no statute to sheild males from the bloodthirsty act of harassment and ***. Under Indian law, there is only one section 377 of Indian Penal Code which talks about ‘sodomy’. Except this section, all other laws and sections are meant only for females.
Sensually touching someone without their consent may put the next person in emotional trauma and that may affect his mental stability for the longer period of time.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 01:52 AM|
Myself being a victim of child abuse , I know the amount of emotional trauma and internal conflict it can cause n I have gone through it alone during my childhood. So with that in mind I would never do it or support it . Whether gay or bisexual or metrosexual no one ever had the right to intimidate, touch inappropriately without other persons consent.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 03:22 AM|
I guess being gay itself is the outcome of lack of love or inability to express it openly. This manifests in the yearning for getting into another person with similar orientation. Whether it is appropriate or otherwise depends on the mindset of the persons involved. However, there should be no force or compulsion in any relationship be it gay or hetro. It is quite possible some may be craving for a sensual touch because of lack of love and affection within family or in society. If the move and the touch is resisted it should certainly be not pursued. I myself was inducted into *** *** at the age of 6 when i did not know what i was upto. But over the years i got used to it and at 48 still pursuing it, ofcourse on mutual terms without any sort of coercion either on my part or on the part of my partner. Am still enjoying.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 03:26 AM|
U certainly cant touch someone inappropriately without his / her consent. A handshake or a friendly pat on the back is okay.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 03:37 AM|
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 04:50 AM|
A big fat NO
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 06:19 AM|
On other track out of this wall post, a clarification or guidance needed. I have written such wall post so that every body can share their opinion and experience. But everytime it says, its awaiting for admin approval and I dont see them appearing on the page nor I get any email. My wall post is non-sensual as well. Please guide how to create a new wall post.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 07:11 AM|
At times it be lead to embarrassing state if the person on whom we have crush to touch him without his consent. Have under gone this in my teen age.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 07:45 AM|
You forgot a very important, mandatory and imperative condition. Consent. It is the basis for any and all physical interaction between tow human beings irrespective of sexual orientation.
Do the people involved in such acts have consent ? By answering this question you will get answers to all your questions. Moral, ethical and legal !!
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 08:42 AM|
A big no
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 08:52 AM|
Touching someone intimately should be consensual - you may enjoy it in the spur of moment and then forget about it but for the opposite person it may imply physical abuse and in severe case can cause mental truma - at times many bottoms are shy and do not openly express their physical needs - in which case read their body language - a smile, a casual tap on your thigh, an excuse to touch your face - go slowly - don't slide your hand between his thighs impatiently - well I like to take it slowly and smoothly - whatever you do touch hug smooch lick bite or *** - it should be CONSENSUAL
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 10:35 AM|
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 01:10 PM|
@letsfuck I completely agree with your comment. Consent is the most basic requirement for any relationship. But my question is about the people involving in sexual acts without making an attempt to know the consent of the other person. And the scariest part is that most of them don't even realise they it's an utterly wrong behaviour. Like lots of people have shared about their experiences of trains, buses, hotels and other public places with complete strangers. And in most of those posts we can find that people just start touching others and seek fun without even asking for it. So, basically their way of taking permission is by touching others and then, waiting for the reaction. If the other person opposes then, they basically stop. And if it's reciprocated then, it continues. But the most important question to ponder is that, shouldn't we look for consent before touching and not by touching? Because once you are touching someone without taking thier consent, even if it is done in an attempt to know if the person is interested or not, falls under the act of sexual harassment. And in my view such acts should never be accepted. And i'm saying this because i have gone through the same experience.
It happened when i was in my 12th standard and my final board examinations were going on. Because i was doing a distance course, i had to go to the other city a day before my examination day, as my examination centre was alloted there. And even today, I remember the incident very clearly in my mind. After giving out my last examination, i was on my way back to home and was waiting to board a train in the evening time on the railway station. It was the month of April and summer had already started. The train came and i, along with my father, boarded the train. It started getting dark and unfortunately the coach we got into had no electricity because of some technical issues. But since we had a journey of just 2 hours or so, we didn't bother to move into the next coach. Train started and after some time i got up to use the washroom. Because there was no electricity in our coach, i thought of standing near the door for a while to get some cool evening air. As i was standing there, a man came and stood behind me. I firstly didn't notice but then i felt a touch on my back. I looked behind and saw him standing at a probably half an arm distance from me. I thought that he may had touched me unintentionally as he was also looking for some fresh air. But soon after i realised that something hard was being pressed on my back constantly. Actually he was rubbing his *** on my hip. And once i realized that i completely froze down. I couldn't even utter a word and became super uncomfortable in that moment. I don't exactly remember how many minutes i stood there without moving but then, i realised that i couldn't let this happen to me. So, i turned back and looked directly into his face. As it was dark, his face wasn't very clearly visible but i could see him enough to figure out that he was indeed a decent looking man with a office bag on his shoulder. And when he looked at my angry expressions, he backed off and went inside the coach, probably to his seat. I also went inside and took my seat beside my dad. Tbh i was quite angry and even wanted to tell about that incident to my dad. But i didn't know how to explain it to him at that moment. After some time we arrived to our destination and we got out of the train.
Now my point of putting down my experience is that there must be lots of other people like me who go through the same situation on a daily basis. Tbh it doesn't matter if someone is gay or not. The thing is that not everyone likes to get touched in a sensual manner without consent. And many people get extremely uncomfortable when something like that happens. I imagine that the man on the train that day may had been looking for some quick fun after returning from the office. But was that the right way to approach? Doesn't that make him a pervert and a molester? He could had initiated a conversation and told me about his feelings. But instead he chose to rub his genital on my back and waited for my reaction. And that's what i feel is extremely wrong and lots of people in our community engage in such acts in the name of cruising. Crusing doesn't mean touching someone's private part without thier consent just because the other person is a gay man. It basically means looking for *** with strangers and not harassment. And many people in our community fail to understand this basic difference.If someone is interested in someone then, the best way is to start a conversation and express your feeling by clearly stating it to that respective person. And then wait for the response. I think this is one thing that people in our community need to discuss and understand. And ohmojo can be an ideal platform for such discussions.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 01:11 PM|
Ya touching someone without consent is wrong... though It led me to became what i am today and I'm ok with it but it's disgusting and affects mentally
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 03:12 PM|
I think eyes face expressions play an important role when we see strangers in public and feel attracted to them. I would always wait for response by way of eyes or some expression of interest before making any advances.
|Posted On Jan 9, 2021 - 06:24 PM|
it’s just wrong
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 05:35 AM|
I am writing this after reading the experiences of guys in public transport. Majority of the ppl are straight. So if someone doesn't like to be touched then it should not be continued. But then there are some who like to touch others & some who like to be touched by others. Many guys wish to have DISCREET encounters. Well, talking about consent, in a jam packed train can you imagine a guy asking a stranger - "Hey dude, can you hold my **** in your hand n stroke it ?" or " Can I grab your **** n give you a hj ?" ... I will go ahead only if I get your consent !🙄🤦🏻🤣🤣🤣 Forcing something onto somebody is incorrect, but if both the guys like to enjoy & want mutual pleasure, what's the harm in such discreet encounters ? 🤨🤗😌
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 05:36 AM|
In the sea the big fish eat tje small fish. In the jungle some species are food for other species. And so in life we will either be preying or getting preyed upon. Developing personal ethics will help us to keep our hands off and developing self defence skills will help us to keep others hands off us when unwelcome. There are many predators in the corporate sector who prey mostly on women. Bill Clinton & Dominic Straus Kahn(IMF Chief) were the most famous ones who faced trial for sexual misdemeanour. Male to Male preying most likely happens in hostels, madarsas, gender segregated communities(pathan), crowded gents only train coaches and among seamen.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 06:00 AM|
Well, as many views as people! @anonymous2017 raised a valid point. However it may be wrong or right to do so, it is not possible to ask for consent in places like public transport etc.
Now my question to everybody here irrespective of their views is, how many of you would like being touched and allow to continue being touched and fondled-without consen-by a person of your type/likes/choise? How many of you would actually get disturbed/angry and refrain the person from doing so or move away if it is without consent?
Basically and in almost all of the cases, I feel, it is all about the person of your type/likes/choise and not about your morality. In case a person is of your type/like then you may at the most would get littled disturbed as you will get afraid of being noticed or caught by somebody but definitely would not feel offended or highly disturbed and would rather not object it. In very few cases where a person does not like to be touched openly or in public places and prefer the act in private. But if the person is not of your likes then we getl morally offended/disturbed and case becomes immediately of consent! What an hypocrisy!!
These are just my views, not meant to offend anybody here. And yes, expect an honest answer to my questions.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 07:42 AM|
@Anonymous 2017 But aren't we just forcing ourselves if we are touching someone's private parts without knowing their consent? And what's wrong in asking? And if someone isn't in a position to ask then, either wait for the right opportunity or let it go. But grabbing someone's private part shouldn't be an alternative of that. It's like i have no guts to ask you but have enough guts to grab your crotch in public. And as far as i think, asking definitely requires less guts than grabbing. So, how's that even right?
@sangam_m If you will ask me then, it doesn't matter if the guy is of my preference or not. If he is touching me in a sensual manner without my consent then, i would never let that happen to me. Self respect carries more value than anything. And i like being respected and at the same time respect others. For me it's as simple as that. Not sure about others. Me being gay doesn't give anyone a right to molest me, no matter how physically attractive that person is. And someone with such pervert mindset can never be my preference tbh. Also, when you accept molestation you also encourages it in many ways.
Now, i would like to mention another important point. Gay community, in general, deals with a lot of stereotypes. And one such stereotype is that people of gay community are pedophiles and molesters. Now, when we indulge in such acts and don't even recognise this as wrong then, don't we in some ways strengthen those stereotypes which have no logical basis. So, incidents like these bring out a bad name to the whole community and not just to a person. So, please think over it. I hope i'm clear in expressing my thoughts here.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 09:33 AM|
a simple NO.PERIOD.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 09:48 AM|
Many years ago I saw a very goodlooking prominent gay rights activist standing near door in a packed train. I was young and immature and felt an instant urge to fondle him while boarding. He brutally pushed me away. His intolerance had shocked me.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 09:56 AM|
Agree with you shapeoflove. Theoretically you are bang on. And your prose is perfect to sit in a law book. But it is obvious that you aren't familiar with cruising and male to male intimacy in public. Usually , at least in Mumbai where I am from, eye contact is the most important part of cruising and advancing. The eye contact is almost like an entrance ticket to the show. So it kind of certifies consent and preferences almost always. Once that's established the rest of the act happens or not. In your particular case maybe you couldn't have an eye contact and many times slight touching of any body part is a litmus test for consent and preference. If the opposite person declines then the approached must back off or face consequences. How in your case the person did back off and everything was alright after that. I do understand that for you it might have been traumatic and depressing. And that too is not wrong. The man who approached you shouldn't have done it. But while cruising allover it is a part of approaching someone to solicit ***. Maybe bcos many people don't know about eye contact or, like anonymous put it very succinctly, circumstances may not allow it. So one can let it go since after declining the person respected your decision and went his way. Did he invade your morality by touching you ? Yes. But was it so serious that you want to harbour it and affect your peace of mind ? This is a qs an individual needs to think about. . As someone who likes men and likes to have *** with other men one can always let it go by understanding the emotions of a fellow m2m lover. The choice is personal. This is my opinion.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 10:14 AM|
Another very important insight. If a man asks another man verbally that he wants to have *** with him it becomes a very dangerous and awkward situation. Especially in public. It indirectly declares the sexuality of the persons involved and has a good possibility of becoming public. Body language and eye contact shield the man's self respect and keep his safety intact while exploring partners. So it is another social context one has to have cognisance of.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 11:46 AM|
Hell no!! But a little bit of eye contact, body posture sure will make someone comfortable before getting touched!
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 12:27 PM|
@shapeoflove, I agree that consent should be taken, without consent it is like taken for granted that every homosexual like being fondled/touched all the time and wherever possible. Every persons dignity must be respected. But the world is not that streight nor are morals. If everybody had been morally that correct then there would not have been 100 other wrong things happening around the globe that we see or hear about. Life in practical is sometime quite different that expected in theory.
In public places, consent is not taken by words but by body language, gestures and expressions in eyes. In some instances actions is without consent but that does not make every gay *** and molesters. Why only gay, this happens even with heterosexuals by heterosexuals. By calling the whole gay community pedophiles and molesters you unknowingly certifying that all heterosexuals actions are morally correct and never do anything immoral.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 01:58 PM|
@letsfuck To be honest an incident like that definitely affected my peace of my mind. And i'm pretty sure that i will affect thousands others like me. Not everyone is same and being a sensitive person, any stranger invading my personal space and trying to molest me would always affect me negatively.
Now, i do agree that eye contact does play a role in gauging the attraction of a person towards you. But then, how many people rely on eye contacts and body behaviour for making a move to fondle? In my case it didn't happen and i have read the experiences of lots of people on this website and observed that in huge number of cases, the person just advances and then, wait for the response. No eye contact and nothing happens. People travelling in a crowded bus or train, touching rapido drivers are few such examples. Also, another question to ponder about is that how much can you rely on these factors? I have done a fair bit of cruising and i know that these factors can never be fully reliable. Unless and untill you don't ask the person verbally, you can never be sure of their thoughts. And one more aspect is that being attracted to a stranger doesn't mean that i would start fondling him straight away.
Many people refrain themselves from asking verbally, as you mentioned that, it has a chance of your sexuality coming out in public domain. But then, there is a high chance that the same can happen when somone takes a chance to fondle a stranger without their consent. And on top of that there is also a big chance that the predator may also gets to face a lot of physical attack. And of course you can't blame anyone for that situation except the predator himself as he invited such circumstances through his action himself. and that person would be in no position to defend himself too. But if we ask someone verbally then, neither are we molesting anyone and nor there is a chance of someone attacking us physically and shaming us before all. And by asking i mean not in a offending way. As someone said in this thread, and to which i completely agree, that you can't directly ask a stranger if he wants to get fondled or not . Of course there are decent ways and i'm sure no one would mind those, even if they would not be interested in your proposal. Like you can just tell that you find him quite attractive and ask if he would like to share his number or go out together someday for coffee or something. How hard is that tbh? And isn't it much better than just grabbing someone's *** as your first response?
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 02:11 PM|
@sangam_m I didn't say that homosexuals are pedophiles and molesters. How can i say that being a homosexual myself. What i said is that it's a stereotype that our community faces. And if we won't even realise that what we are doing is wrong then, it will only strengthen those stereotypes. I completely agree with the fact the molestation is a menace of the general society and not restricted to a certain community. But then, a guy touching a girl without her consent will always be tagged as molester. So, at least such acts are getting recognised there and punishment are made too. But in our community we are even failing to recognise such acts are in many cases it's getting encouraged. So, the problem lies there. Untill and unless we don't recognise our flaws then, how can we fix that?
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 02:26 PM|
From my experience in Mumbai local trains, what letsfuck has written is absolutely true.
As regards asking for phone no, etc ; people dont have place to take the next step. It is a big issue. So the fondling remains limited to crowded local trains in most cases.
And hardly anyone grabs another person's *** straightway. Eye contact , a touch appearing accidental or inevitable due to crowd rush and so on.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 03:17 PM|
Well, i haven't travelled in Mumbai local trains. So, can't say what and how exactly it happens particularly there. But i have read about a lot of guys who have touched others without their consent. And to be honest i have experienced it in my own life itself. Also, many people that i have met have told me the same thing happened to them in public places without their consent. So, definitely it's a problem that we need to focus on for the progress of our community.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 03:24 PM|
Also, a touch appearing accidental or inevitable due to crowd rush also counts as molestation because what we are doing is intentional but making it appear unintentional. Now, put the same thing in heterosexual aspect. A guy touching a stranger girl in public without her consent but trying to make it appear like unintentional. What would you call that act? And won't that guy be called a pervert.
Now, people may argue that you can't compare the heterosexual world with ours. But in my opinion molestation is molestation. Doesn't matter if it's happening to a guy or a girl, a heterosexual or homosexual. It's can affect anyone and can even leave a scar on someone's mind for the lifetime.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 04:04 PM|
@ letsfuck : Well said ! 👌🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Nicely explained 👍🏻😅I also agree with fifty 🙂
Highlights of both the posts 👉🏻 Never ever there is a straightaway grabbing ! 🤦🏻 The guy would be in deep trouble if he does so 🙄 So also, straight away asking a stranger in a public place for consent is not only awkward but very dangerous 😨 So a touch appearing accidental or inevitable due to crowd is more safe to gauge the liking of the other guy. If there is objection, it should be stopped immediately. But if the other guy is ok with it or rather seems to enjoy, it can be continued.
In Mumbai locals 2X2, it's a different experience indeed ! Sometimess it so happens that a guy likes to be touched but finds it very embarassing to ask strangers to do the favour. So if he finds someone intentionally touching his ****, he holds the stranger's palm against his own **** , giving him an assurance that he loves what the stranger is doing ! 😅 This way, both guys satisfy their desires through such discreet encounters.
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 05:31 PM|
And also I don't know if this is relevant comment to this post or not... But still I think this make sense
People.. who visit cruising places... So support of any of our person is in trouble cause of some local goons.. they might be 2 or 3 or 7.. but people who visit for cruising would be in more number n in fact few more stronger.. just get into help to one who is in terrible even if he had rejected you have physical fun with you..
1. If there are 2 guys who are interested in themselves, please don't disturb them, instead please try to go away or guard them..
2. If you notice any goons or police, do pass the info to others to that they get safe
3. If one is not intrested, don't follow him or distrub him
4. And if you are interested then give someone a positive signal so that one can approach you...
|Posted On Jan 10, 2021 - 05:32 PM|
So, just for our safety of being caught or being exposed before others, its fine to grab others' private parts in public? So, for you to be safe, its fine if you put others at risk? One May be strong enough mentally to let go of such incidents, but not everyone. For few, who are sensitive, it leaves a scar on their mind forever. Dont always think from your end, think from others shoes as well. If a similar thing happens to your dear ones (could be your boy friend too) who comes home crying, would you just brush it off asking not to create a scene? Would you say someone liked your body and so tried to quench his lust, and whats the big deal in that?
I would definitely say its molestation and wouldnt do that to others without their consent. Even if I met any through a dating app, i wouldnt do anything he/she is not comfortable with.
An eye contact, or any guestures might help in some cases, but not always.
|Posted On Jan 11, 2021 - 03:05 AM|
@Anonymous 2017 How does it even matter if you are doing it in a straight forward way or in a hidden way? At the end of the day, you are just indulging yourself in the act of molestation. It doesn't matter how you are doing it. It's like you either kill someone by stabbing in public or making him eat poison-mixed food. In both the ways you are just murdering someone.
Now let me tell you what happens to the person who goes through the traumatic experience of molestation. When i got molested on the train, for many days i kept thinking that why such a thing happened to me in the first place. I kept asking myself that why he targeted me in the whole coach. I cursed myself for many days for not raising my voice instantly and why i even let that happen to me. It made me feel like a very dirty person, even though he was the one who did something dirty to me. Someone came and just used me without my consent and i couldn't even gather the courage to stop that person at the right time. It shattered my confidence into pieces and i felt like a b-grade human being who couldn't even protect his own body from getting used against his consent by a stranger. It took me some time to realise that it wasn't my fault. I was just not well equipped with the correct mindset in order to tackle that situation in a proper way at that stage of my life. But i'm telling you very honestly that most of the people go through the same pathetic feeling when they get molested by someone. A person starts to question his/her own identity. And in few cases these experiences can become extremely traumatic. As you are totally unaware of the background of the person who is getting touched, it there is a high chance that the person ends up in a very shattered condition. And it becomes more tough for those people to deal with the situation who have already experienced some form of molestation previously in their life, maybe in their childhood or teenage. Now, just think that there is a big probability that you are putting someone in those traumatic situations by your actions, just because you are seeking for some casual fun and couldn't gather enough guts to ask for their consent as you fear that it can reveal your identity. You are thinking from your point of view. But once try to think from the aspect of the person who is getting molested. And if you fail to judge the intention of the other person based on your instincts, even just 3 times out of 10 then, you are basically ruining the life of those 3 people in some ways or another. And i'm sure the number of fail attempts goes higher than 3 in the cases of most of the people who indulge in such activities. Because it's never an easy task to judge the exact thoughts of a person just by looking at their action or by making eye contacts. You are basically relying on your instincts where there is a good chance that you may fail in reading the person's mind in a proper way. So, one should think of these points before touching someone in a sensual manner without taking their consent. And with consent, it means by asking that person verbally. And if someone is unable to ask because of circumstances then, he should simply shouldn't indulge in such acts. Because people's self respect and emotions matter more than someone's horniness and your 10 minutes fun time.
|Posted On Jan 11, 2021 - 02:46 PM|
Once I saw a good looking hot decent guy getting molested and harassed by a much older habitual predator in the pscked Mumbai train. The predator had troubled me previously so I had a lot of anger towards him and I also felt like saving the young guy. I pulled together all my might and dislodged the predator and then stood in his place without initiating anything. When the station came the hot guy lowered his hand and caressed me. I was in 7th heaven. After alighting we spoke briefly and exchanged numbers. We met twice later for fun at my place.
|Posted On Jan 12, 2021 - 07:14 AM|
Being gay or str8, first we are human being... And a common human being (male or female) touches others, without consent also, irrespective of the gender... And that touch can be considered inappropriate by many.
So I think, no point to add "being gay.." in this thread title.
|Posted On Jan 12, 2021 - 07:18 AM|
I have not read all of the posts on this thread but started reading from bottom and found the post by @sayyyd, bit interesting.
As per him, the unconsentful touch by the predator was bad, but unconsentful touch by the hot guy, made him to go to 7th heaven.
This is the point.
It is like consensual or non-consensual, if the person is of our choice, we are ok with that touch. Otherwise we feel abused, mistreated, harassed, exploited and what not.
|Posted On Jan 12, 2021 - 07:55 AM|
@HeadsTailsAndHo you nailed it ....must agree playing victims or the molestors both choose there frequency if suits it's not a problem if not it's frustrating n in blunt STRAIGHT GAY LESBIAN TRANSGENDER or MINORS of all sexes it's NON CONSENSUS it's a *** can be verbal or physical It's causing harm to the opposite side.
|Posted On Jan 12, 2021 - 02:28 PM|
@HeadsTailsAndHo If you will read my full post then, you can easily understand why i have added 'being gay' in my title. The simple answer is that we are talking about this issue by placing the gay context in the front and not not the general context. As i have mentioned in my post that the incident of molestation gets easily ignored in the gay community and people don't even realise that they are doing something wrong which can ruin someone's life is very disturbing aspect. It may be fun for some but a traumatic experience for many.
What you said about Sayyd's comment is something with which i agree to you personally. It's weird that he stopped someone from getting molested but in the end got himself molested by the same guy he saved. And that's what makes matter more grave. As he said and you questioned that when he got the guy of his choice then, he didn't count it as molestation and enjoyed the process. But then, it was his personal opinion and not the general one. If you will ask me then, no matter how attractive a guy is, i would never want anyone to touch me without my consent. I have said the same thing in my earlier comment too, when i was replying to @Anonymous 2017. He raised the same question as your have raised here. Also, what happened with Sayyd was a pure coincidence that both the guy had the same mindset. Also it's clear from Sayyd's post that he liked to be touched but with the guy of his preference. But not everyone is the same. For many it doesn't matter who the person is, the simple rule is that someone touching them without their consent makes them extremely uncomfortable and intolerable. So, what do you think we should do in such situations when it isn't clear if the person likes to be touched or not? How can we confirm it? And the simple answer is by asking them if they like it or not and not reacting on our instincts. As i said earlier that you can't get a confirmation that a stranger likes it or not unless and untill you don't ask the person verbally. And if there are circumstances where you aren't in a position to ask then, simply one should curb his horniness and wait for the right partner and the right time to ask. Not that if circumstances aren't allowing me to take consent then i rely on my instincts and simply touch someone sensually.
Now, since you said that this rule should be followed in all the context and not just in the gay community (which i completely agree) then, just put the same situation in the heterosexual context. There may be some guys and girls who like to touch and getting touched by the opposite *** without their consent. But there are a lot of people in the heterosexual world for whom it's an act of molestation and a traumatic experience. So, just imagine a guy goes in public and starts touching girls body without her consent and just relying on his instincts having a thinking that some girls like such an experience. Now, tell me, is he doing the right thing? Shouldn't he ask before touching a girl and not just touch her by judging her body behaviour and relying on eye contact? Because even if he is making majority of the guesses right and making just few of them wrong(which is a very unlikely result if you are relying just on someone's body behaviour and eye contact) then, he is just ruining the life of those girls and making them go through not less than a trauma.
|Posted On Jan 14, 2021 - 01:58 AM|
On this topic I wish to say the strong harmones are to be blamed, they play the actual trick,
As you see almost all the gay persons have a mix up mess in the brain between male and female harmones (testosterone and estrogen). That's why we are called "bich ka"....
All the bottoms may say no but may feel that sombody should touch them,,,,
And all the tops may think that sombody should *** them, but may say otherwise,
|Posted On Jan 14, 2021 - 06:26 AM|
@Sanki, first get your theory straight... Each & every person has a mix of male and female hormones - it's not only about gays...
And justifying this behavior by hormonal imbalance is like saying "boys will be boys. Girls should stay cautious"...
And about the ongoing topic, I don't support touching anyone without consent. This is a very big reason for which Gay community is looked down upon by straight guys. Because lot of them has faced such behaviour in public transport and they can't help but make a strained image about gay people in their head.
|Posted On Jan 14, 2021 - 06:37 AM|
At this time, when we are fighting for equal rights like our straight counterparts, we should prepare ourselves for equal definition of gender related crimes as well. Shouting for equal marriage rights, equal spousal benefits etc; and then thinking that touching a man without consent is okay, is a big hypocrisy.
|Posted On Jan 14, 2021 - 12:00 PM|
If the other guy is okay, then okay
|Posted On Jan 14, 2021 - 04:25 PM|
Would it be appropriate for anyone to touch a Girl and then gauge her reaction and then proceed? Ofcourse not. You'd end up being slapped or Worse.
So , it's obvious. It's Not Right . It's actually wrong .
Your hormonal imbalances doesn't give you any right to act as a freak.
|Posted On Jan 15, 2021 - 08:08 PM|
There is a big natural hormonal difference in creation of men and women, so we cannot compare at all. And when I say a man- be it straight or gay. A woman has a hormonal tendency of not liking and unknown/ unwanted touch. In case of men, there would be a major population who either get aroused by a touch near the genitals- be it by a man or a woman. I am clarifying it that it is not the same with all, but yes for majority of men due to the structural body creation. So when a random touch happens to a man, be it with consent or without consent, by a man or a woman. It most likely does not give an irritation as a response unless the guy is too homophobic.
|Posted On Jan 16, 2021 - 09:06 AM|
I do not mind if some one touched me discretely
|Posted On Jan 16, 2021 - 10:01 AM|
@Ohbohy So, by your logic, if a man objects from getting molested then, he is homophobic. Wow! You certainly give a new meaning to this term - 'homophobia'.🤦♂️ Also, had no clue that i was also homophobic till i saw your comment. So, thanks for the enlightenment 😑
I remember that once, a very prominent politician of our country tried to explain about why rapes happen against women in his election rally. And in his statement he said that the reason behind rapes happening against women are women themselves. Women encourage guys by wearing short clothes and in a way give hints and welcome such incidents. So, it's not the rapist but the victim who should be blamed for such incidents. He also said that guys just do to it because they can't control their hormones and their body from committing such a heinous crime.
Now, many people on this thread share the same mindset as that of the politician. For them, it's not the predator who should be blamed for an incident like molestation but instead, they are questioning the credibility of the victim and blaming him for getting molested. So, here, we can see some classic examples of victim blaming. Because many people just can't acknowledge the simple fact that they are actually the wrongdoers and need to fix themselves but not the person who gets molested.
|Posted On Jan 16, 2021 - 12:06 PM|
Its not okay to touch someone without consent
Could fall into big troubles at times too
Though i like it and feel thrilled when someone touches me in a sexual way
|Posted On Jan 17, 2021 - 05:03 AM|
Can someone tell how to ask a man first then touch..
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