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Does being gay allow us to touch without consent?


Submitted by shapeoflove Location: All India (All India, India)

Does being gay allow us to touch someone without their consent?

A lot of guys write down their experiences of either touching or being touched by strangers in public places on this website. And every time i read such stories, few basic questions arise in my mind. Is it right to involve in such an act? Aren't such acts a form of sexual harassment? And does being gay grant us the right to involve in such an act?

I know that a lot of guys find such experiences exciting in many ways. But according to me this, by any means, is not the right and acceptable way (legally and morally) of approaching anyone at all. And being a gay man myself, i'm fully aware of the fact that it's not easy for the people of our community to show their feelings in the same way as heterosexuals. It does require more guts. But, in my opinion, that also shouldn't be the justification of the action of touching someone in an improper way.

So, i would love to know the opinion of you guys here. What do you all think about this issue?

P. S. I would like to hear the opinion of all the guys here irrespective of the fact that either you have involved yourself in such acts or not. Everyone's opinions matter and would help us to understand the topic in a much better way. Also i would request all not to hurl personal attacks on anyone on the thread based on their past experiences. In my opinion, a healthy discussion barring personal attacks is the need of the hour for understanding the root cause of this issue.

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Displaying 51 to 82 of 82 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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HeadsTailsAndHo
Posted On Jan 17, 2021 - 06:08 AM

@Fun6969
Well said bro. You nailed it.

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Ohbohy
Posted On Jan 17, 2021 - 06:22 PM

@Fun6969
Your comment ended up this entire conversation in a sarcastic way with a deep logic inside it..You really nailed it ;)
I am not at all in favor behind the logic of comparing a man's touch to a man with molestation and rapes..Come on how can just a touch be a harassment,molestation or ***!! And comparing these fun thrilled touches with those rapes happening with girls is really insane to me!

I just know that majority of men are men and they take it as simple as it should be taken as!
Those who dont like it should react as they want immediately to stop before it becomes a so cold trauma for them!! No man would be interested in touching them again that is for sure,Period!

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shapeoflove
Posted On Jan 17, 2021 - 07:23 PM

@fun6969 Well, obviously it's not a rocket science that you can't even figure out a decent way on how to take someone's consent before touching him. But still if you aren't unable to figure it out then, just curb your horniness and simply don't touch. Just don't let your pervert mind turn you into a molester and ruins someone's life. As simple as that.

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shapeoflove
Posted On Jan 17, 2021 - 07:37 PM

@Ohbohy Don't think this conversation has ended mate. Just because you can't provide a logic behind why touching someone without their consent isn't molestation doesn't end this conversation. You need come with a logical reason and then only a real discussion can even take place.

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Schadendreude
Posted On Jan 18, 2021 - 09:33 PM

I think the question here becomes more of a society problem than an individuals mindset!
If the society is open to the fact that a gay person can go and approach someone he likes ... these kind of things would happen less ...
which brings me to the point ... where do we stand at this juncture ... be it in our country or city or state...
If touching without consent is wrong ... it should be wrong IRRESPECTIVE without any exceptions to the list ... this is the mentality which should be educated amongst all
here we are scared ... wat will people think? If they find out im gay what will happen? So we work in the shadows... trying and pushing our luck... somehow and surprisingly ... this behaviour sadly is tolerated by many and then gets paased down including everyone in its general sense.
So i think we need to educate our folks first - then we can see some sort of change ...
Although a touch is one of the most common sensual ways to "test the waters"
Im sure that there could be other ways for people to give a green signal!

People! IMPROVISE ... ADAPT ... OVERCOME 😊

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Tista V.
Posted On Jan 19, 2021 - 11:14 AM

Absolutely no!

It is molestation and if penetration happens. It is ***.

Though, being a naughty bitch I love being forced into *** rather than coerced into it.

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shapeoflove
Posted On Jan 19, 2021 - 11:23 AM

Exactly! If we keep on promoting and tolerating such behaviours then, we can never progress as a community. As @Coolbisu91 said in his comment that as we are seeking for equal rights and status then, we can't just ignore our wrongdoings and blame them on hormones and circumstances. Touching someone without their consent is a simple definition of sexual assault. Don't know how and why would someone justify such acts? Ignoring such acts and not changing our attitude will not only bring shame to the individual but to the whole community. And then, there is no point in asking for equal status.
A change from within is the need of the hour and then only we can hope to change the general opinion of the people and find the right place for our self in the society.

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gooseberry
Posted On Jan 20, 2021 - 03:40 AM

I think people are getting confused with playing out your fantasy (of being touched, forced etc) with molestation. While the former is with consent and a basic understanding !

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Any_Teen_Blore
Posted On Jan 21, 2021 - 09:32 PM

Guys... Be vocal.. but before that try to understand what is he or how is he (his attitude)

I always followed this... If I like someone I first try to analyse what kind of guy he is.. is he soft spoken, ladaaku, girlish, ignorant etc..

Then I'll approach a person with my scripted talks.. like.. "you r cute, I'm into boys.. r u intrested etc (not continuously I say these, but these will definitely come in the conversation)

If he is interested he will say yes, if not he will say no.. sometime we get confused guys n it's our chance...

So chill... I just see few philosophers here in comments who are talking big big things...

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shapeoflove
Posted On Jan 22, 2021 - 04:08 AM

@ fun6969 It's quite a weird feeling that i'm teaching an adult about how to take someone's permission before touching them. But then, as you are asking me directly then, i can surely suggest you a way😊
First of all, before touching someone in a sensual way, you need to know if that person is interested in you or not. And the only way to get confirmed is by asking verbally. Now, i'm assuming here that the person you are approaching to is a guy( btw this is the correct method to approach anyone irrespective of the gender😉). So, just reach to the guy whom you are attracted to and tell him that you find him quite attractive and ask if he would like to share his phone number or go out together for a cup of coffee or something similar(lunch, movies etc. ) someday.
Now, if the attraction is from both ways then, he would definitely accept your proposal. After that you can move a step further and can express more of your feelings towards him. Now, if in the case, the guy you approached has no such feelings towards you then, he would simply decline your proposal and you can easily move on without hurting anyone in any way. Quite simple, isn't it?✌
Now, this is one decent method that i have suggested where you are not just saving yourself from molesting anyone but also able to express your feelings towards that person. Similarly, you can develop some other methods according to the situation. Also, the same method(mentioned in the first para) can be applied in a crusing place because a crusing place is nothing but a public place and you aren't sure if someone is interested in getting touched or not. Also, it may happen that a person finds you attractive and accepts your proposal but then again, don't just grab his *** or start rubbing your own against him in the public. For that you need to ask if he is comfortable getting touched in public or not and would he like if you hold his hands or touch him sensually. If he agrees then, go for it and if he disagrees then, don't.

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C4LEB
Posted On Jan 27, 2021 - 05:53 PM

Unsolicited touching is a kind of theft - of safety, of personal space, and of dignity.

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Ebubu
Posted On Feb 4, 2021 - 10:45 PM

"and ruins someone's life. As simple as that."
You mean "as simplistic as that" ?
Well, only the ones who want their life to be ruined by an unwelcome touch will do so. This trend of equating the trauma of a *** to the unpleasantness of an unwelcome touch is becoming insane.

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J6.5inch
Posted On Feb 5, 2021 - 05:44 AM

Does being gay allow us to touch without consent?

Surly NOT...

But if anyone touches my *** then I won't regret...

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shapeoflove
Posted On Feb 18, 2021 - 11:48 AM

@Ebubu "This trend of equating the trauma of a *** to the unpleasantness of an unwelcome touch is becoming insane."
By your statement it is clear that you are in agreement to the fact that both these experiences(*** and molestation) are traumatic. Then how hard is it to realise that an unwelcome touch is simply wrong, irrespective of the magnitude of the trauma?

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C4LEB
Posted On Feb 26, 2021 - 09:25 PM

Implied vs explicit consent:

▪ http://www.pratisandhi.com/implied-consent/

It's a human issue, not a gay issue. It is a male problem, not a 'women's issue'. It is a matter of respect and dignity over lust and entitlement.

Keep your hands to yourself until you are given permission to proceed (explicit or implied consent). Learn to read the signs of consent and have the balls to confirm the consent by asking "Are you okay with this? How far do you want to go?"

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bananadreamz
Posted On Mar 2, 2021 - 01:47 AM

There is no common answer to it. Its what a guy allows or want to allow. Forcing is not wrong if my mind yearns for it. Many a times , guys have touched me in the ***. Neither of us regretted that move. so, its just personal.

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batorBoy2021
Posted On Mar 3, 2021 - 05:02 PM

The first time I was touched and fondled in a crowded train, I was shocked and tried to avoid being touched again by the same person. Later the same day after thinking about it, I felt quite thrilled and guilt-lessly enjoyed it. I have encountered such experiences another few more time. But this time I welcomed it with a hardon. And saw that it did not get out of hand since I was surrounded by strangers and did not want a unnecessary situations to get created for me mainly. Guys may call it ***, but they all want to be touched and rubbed as they enjoy it. All straight guys are gay.

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Guideme
Posted On Mar 3, 2021 - 05:25 PM

batorBoy2021 : although i liked when you say "All straight are gay", but I don't go with that statement...

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SundarDeshmukh
Posted On Mar 3, 2021 - 06:58 PM

If you are out to everyone and some person touches you knowingly then we can say he is molesting. But if your office mate or other dont know that you are gay and he tap on you back or put hand on your shoulders or does anything else you must take that casually because thats normal between boys / men.
And if you still dont like that just say him that you are gay and his touch doesn’t seem very pleasant.
Just remember there is difference between a gay and women. Stop feeling like women.

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shapeoflove
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 10:57 AM

@SundarDeshmukh Really? So, according to you every gay, in order to escape the molestation, should come out or else shouldn't complain when someone molests them. Wow! So, has someone given you free trials to be a pervert and molest guys still in closet?
Also, no way that touching someone sensually without their consent is normal, irrespective of the fact that person is a man or a woman, homosexual or heterosexual. But yeah, it may be then normal for guys like you because that satisfies your hunger for lust, right? Also, why do you think that it is normal between boys to molest each other and not between a boy and a girl? Also, what does it mean "stop feeling like a women". So, standing for your basic right and raising voice against molestation should be only allowed to women and not men?

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shapeoflove
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 11:07 AM

bananadreamz You are just failing to understand that your personal fantasies doesn't justify the act of molestation. Not everyone shares the same fantasies and you can't just touch someone or encourage others to molest someone on the basis of your own personal likings.

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shapeoflove
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 11:16 AM

@ C4LEB Thanks for sharing the link of that article. It's very insightful and i hope that it would help many people to understand the real meaning of consent.

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SundarDeshmukh
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 02:03 PM

@shapeoflove -
How do you define a sensual touch ? - was the guy touching your *** or bum. If yes then he knows that you are gay and he is too.
Coming to practical thing - who asks “bhai mai teri ga**d touch karu kya 😝” ? In public people walks brushing their hands to people butt some intentional and some by mistake. Even in office or college too, you will find many people who will tap you friendly.
You can’t stop each of them and ask why he did so.

But if someone do that intentionally and you can know that by his looks. STOP and ask him why he did so. Take stand rather than just blaming and generalising this as people issue.

When you say“... guys like you .... “ - lust is not my thing. I am surrounded by people who are straight or act straight including me.
So if a guy touch i just turn back to see his facial expression. And i can judge there only. And i loudly ask “kya hua ??”. response is always “sorry galti se lag gaya”. When i said ‘stop acting like women’ this is what i meant. Because in india women don’t take stand.

Most important yes you have to be open if you are complaining that you are being molested by a men. Because a man’s touch to man is always casual unless you have a point for complain.Unless you feel it differently.

I am sure you might not had good friends “chaddi buddies”, who hugs, share things, share beds, share clothes and secret discussions WITHOUT having sexual feeling.

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shapeoflove
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 05:54 PM

@SundarDeshmukh Do you have any idea of what are you talking about? You said - "was the guy touching your *** or bum. If yes then he knows that you are gay and he is too." Really? Do homosexuals carry some sort of stamp or is it written on their head that helps a molester identify them in public? Also, someone's sexuality or gender doesn't give any one a right to molest them.

Also you said- "who asks “bhai mai teri ga**d touch karu kya?" Of course no sane person does that. And if someone is asking in such an idiotic manner then, that person definitely deserves some good scolding. But i guess, being a 35 year old man yourself, you must know at least one decent way of taking consent from the person you are attracted to. I even wonder if you ask girls in the same way? Like- "madam main aapka boobs ya *** touch karu kya?" Or you just touch them and then wait for their reaction. Well, you may better answer these questions yourself.

Your another statement is - "Most important yes you have to be open if you are complaining that you are being molested by a men." Open about what?- sexuality or molestation. Because sexuality doesn't matter if someone has been molested. Also, sexuality is diverse and personal and it totally depends on the individual if he/she wants to reveal it before others or not.

Now, a touch is never casual when someone is touching your private parts without your consent. Do you even know how many men face sexual molestation every year? It's far more common than what we think and affect different men in different ways.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/magazine/2021/02/22/why-we-dont-talk-about-sexual-violence-against-boys-why-we-should/
https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/other-me-too-male-sexual-abuse-survivors
Read these articles(link above👆) and you would understand how sexual molestation among men is still a taboo.

Also, you think that women don't take stand against molestation in comparison to men. That's such an extreme generalisation you are making here. Anyone can take a stand and it totally depends on the mindset of the individual. The extremity of the molestation also plays a role in taking an immediate stand against such an act. Because the higher the intensity, the more trauma that a victim faces.

Last but not the least. Having good friends doesn't give us a right to touch their private parts without their consent. And what role do sharing things, sharing clothes and secret discussion play in sexual molestation btw? You are just talking about an off topic thing. We are here having a discussion on sexual molestation that the people of lgbtq+ community faces in their daily lives from the people within their own community and outside. And several people who involve in the act of molestation fail to even recognise their wrongdoings.

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LoveNFun31
Posted On Mar 7, 2021 - 10:04 PM

It made me uncomfortable when a mature man squeezed my *** in the bus once. However, it turned me on later when i thought about it.

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RyanT
Posted On Mar 8, 2021 - 03:06 AM

I think over time and with information now everyone has atleast become aware of consent and touch.
I remember few years back everyone was so touchy feely and sometimes it feels nice, in a flirty/consensual setting, but those lines are grey. A lot of people dont like being hugged and I've been guilty of giving one, with no malicious intent but also not thinking that it could make the other uncomfy. One needs to listen to verbal and physical cues and respect.

This is not a queer thing but across orientation.

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tsamaranai
Posted On Mar 28, 2021 - 06:12 AM

The answer is “No”

Why does this thread keep going on and on?

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Jolly4love
Posted On Apr 6, 2021 - 03:24 PM

I would like to share my experience in this regard. I have been approached in public places like local trains & public toilets. But I accept that touch only if I like that person. If I don't like the person, I would prefer to be aside & show that I am not interested. But like that, there has been a *** attempt with me in public toilet & nobody came forward to stop that guy. He wasn't alone. His friend was there behind to support him. Somehow, I managed to run away from there & come to public place. He again tried to harrase me & when I shouted he slapped me publically. It was railway station toilet still nobody came forward. I was so scared that my identity of being gay will come in public.

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chembur
Posted On Apr 6, 2021 - 06:40 PM

Sorry to hear your experience @jolly4love. Thanks for sharing your experience on this platform with everyone.

So would you like to clearly share what did u learn from that experience.?

Also, What are your views about : -
Touching without consent?
Having fun at public places?


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bottomboyvicky
Posted On Apr 7, 2021 - 02:18 AM

Sorry to learn about your bad incident @Jolly4love
But what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

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Lunddesi78
Posted On Apr 7, 2021 - 06:19 AM

Hello if anyone want *** or lick a lollypop near about azadpur or a Darsham nagar then send me amsg

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Tarunskaran
Posted On Apr 7, 2021 - 01:09 PM

To all those who feel forcing upon someone is fine... tell if you are ok if someone touches your mothers sisters or daughters boobs while in train...or films them changing clothes and watches in private..

Previous comments: 1  2