so how do u guys mange it? do u feel guilty or hve come to accept the duality of our nature? pour ur mind out
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223077 | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
@Gayspark - very true post I have ever read in this forum. It Echoes my mind and feelings and the pain exactly what ever I have gone through , being married having kids and having gay feelings and the struggles. Every six months I do HIV, each time the wait time is hell. Due to which I really hate myself why I am doing like this again and again. I should learn from you buddy. It's really good that you have a good control over your gay feeling where most of the marries guys fail, including me. Actually we are risking not just our life but our beloved wife and kids. That realisation sometimes makes me feel so guilty and then I will stay away from meeting people. But sometimes I fail in controlling myself. Actually whatever you have explained about yourself, exactly matches with my life. but just with only one difference in age when u got married and got kid. Good to see your post here. Thanks for sharing. |
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Ragu for fun | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
@gaysparks.....’uff’ Was the sound that came out of my *** after reading ur post....I had a similar experience buddy...I didn’t text positive but I was scared to death until the results came out....it was a year and a half ago when I was in USA....I used to visit gay baths and in one such occasion I was gutsy enough to show my rod in a glory while....some one *** it and I was ok with it....suddenly the feel changed...I touched through the hole and it was that a hole’s a hole....and there was no protection on me...it was only for a fraction of a second but it did happen...I pulled out and was shivering....I couldn’t think straight...luckily there was another guy who was chatting with me earlier and he spoke words of confidence and the chances of getting it which he said in my case was very less....I was sinking in my own feeling of guilt....the worst part was that I had to wait for 2 weeks for my first test and then again 2 months for my next test..,in both the tests I was negative but the feelings and thoughts I had to go through....how would I face my wife and kid |
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Ragu for fun | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
But I still don’t have that level of self restraint and control u have....I never was a part of any dating app but until couple of days before....I installed gr and man it was crazy....I uninstalled it yesterday but I didn’t get a BJ from one person....while iam at ohmojo I find some meaning and don’t feel hollow but while I was in gr I felt like I was selling myself....the only good thing that he did to me was I showed a nice person at my office...we both like each other but we don’t have any change for the next step....I wish it stays that way....God let me not stray |
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Valentine84 | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
@gayspark.. Dude .. Though I thought it was an elaborate post, I couldn't help myself from reading it over again.. Yep.. That's true just driven but this passion(or lust or love) we do go on a *** spree but the staunch reality of HIV or for that sake any STD really haunt us.. If not for us atleast for our respective family we ought to be very careful.. I had a complete test for all HIV, Hepatitis A and B before I agreed for a marriage.. I sure many would be aware of two methods of testing .. The rapid screening ( quicker results with hours )and Elsa method (which takes more time).. Though I got tested and my results were negative with rapid screening that few hours of waiting was horrible for me.. Though I never practiced any unsafe intercourses, I was really worried about the STDs other than HIV... Given my weakness for blow jobs I have a let almost everyone *** my *** but a doc friend of mine said even there is minimum level of risk in any form of *** (oral or ***) and even with contraceptives ( condoms).. He said the only way to prevent STD is abstinence .. But we gay men (often victims at early age) couldn't actually refrain from this.. But the best way is to have minimal partners and always safer *** practices.. No matter, however decent or clean or out of sheer love for ur gay partner never ever practice unsafe ***.. I still regret ..cos when I was into this gay I always thought I would end up with only one guy but disappointments after disappointments and exploitation by elder men I was turned to yet another philanderer.... So all those young guys who start early to hit the bed my suggestion would be "PLAY SAFE"..
Even though after marriage I still secretly get my testing done atleast once a year, I still get scared to donate my blood .. In western countries gay men are prevented from donating blood.. Guess in addition to the sense of guilt about being a gay (of course IMO I often feel why I didn't have a proper straight life) we ought to live with many more guilty feelings through out our life..
Thanks 'Abhishek', the post was indeed an eye opener.. |
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263363 | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
@Valentine yes though safest of practices reduces the risk of HIV but what about other STD's that we may contract. What happens when we unknowingly infect our wife or partners and when things come to light what is going to happen with our lives.
Until everything goes smoothly without any problem it will look great. But the moment when even smallest of the problems occur then it will be a freaky roller coaster ride.
Just for few minutes or hours of pleasure we are putting at stake our lives and lives of others. I am not saying that we should be celibate n become Saints. But there is a thin line between it. We all are no saints, our pasts continue to linger or haunt us for life, at least the present is under over control which will decide the tomorrow. Always I ask myself " What if ?" |
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Exotic1234 | Posted On Mar 23, 2018
@gayspark - Thanks for sharing your story with us it is indeed scary to go thru the experience you went thru. How can medical institutions make such blunders they should be ideally sued for the mental and emotional trauma you went thru. I agree nothing is more important than safety like they say it's better to be safe than sorry. While I like to top most times I always play it safe and only with a partner whose hygiene levels I can trust. The *** I have been given to understand are safe as saliva cannot carry HIV. Even I am not too comfortable sharing my details or pics from this forum. Am ok with a chat on the phone and sharing of ideas but nothing beyond that. |
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CherryBlossom | Posted On Mar 25, 2018
Yeah being a gay and married sucks. Besides what gayspark mentioned there is also a guilty feeling about having fascination towards men and not being completely faithful to partner hurts from inside. Wanted to get out of that fascination but always fail. |
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Sasmathu | Posted On Mar 25, 2018
@gayspark excellent write up. I have been there and know how it hurts. This happened almost at the time of marriage when I was all alone in US. Started developing symptoms which made me suspect whether i am infected. But being all alone in a foreign country and the fear of testing positive prevented me go from going in for HIV testing. My *** life was hell. Finally one day got the confidence of getting tested and went in for a test in a near by health centre. Tested negative. Appa what a relief. Even after testing negative it took me a month to come out of the stress. It was hell. Further since it was a buccal swab test was still contemplating whether the test result was reliable!!! Then during infertility treatment was tested several times for HIV and other infections and was found negative. Now a days very careful about my choice. And maybe because of age not too much interested in act but like to have a meaningful chat with a like minded person. Unfortunately not many are interested in this. |
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rogertoni22 | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
Being married and getting satiated in this front is not a menial task. Married for 5 years now. But in a way my endeavours have reduced to a great extent, May be just a fraction of what it used to be before. This mainly is because of time/place and above all, being extra cautious.
Coming to the hiv thing, it so happened that am not into hardcore stuff and restrict myself to ***. Before marriage used to be very vibrant. post marriage for almost 3 years was not into *** and was apprehensive of hiv. But physical urge had the last say and couldnt resist. It was during this time i went through a plethora of literature and learnt there is no documented case of getting infected by indulging in oral *** alone.However,i take it up with a caveat that there still might be an infinitsmally small amount of risk in that). However, when i joined a new company this test was mandatory and that was a blessing in disguise and the result was negative ( Not to mention about the wait)
Post this i became even more cautious and started adopting a couple of more yardsticks to meet guys. Nevertheless, should say that none of these are fool proof.
1) Married guys are a better choice compared to unmarried ( I presume they would be cautious as much as i am if not more)
2) Avoiding guys who are into hardcore: Believe me, there are lot of married guys who just need a BJ ( Call them str8ts starved of BJ or whateva, those are my target tribe and am happy with it.
3) I do ask a lotta questions during chat and this irritates an egoistic top. This way a number of guys fall apart
So, guess how many i will end up meeting... Zilch LOL
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funguy2016 | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
@rogertoni22 yes HIV spread via oral is almost negligible. but other STD like herpes simplex 2 can spread via oral ad it wil stay in us for life time....... but yes. getting blowjob or providing one is hard to control..............and yes i tooprefer married men lot coz i like them and also i feel safe.. but on the other hand i dont knw why there is so much guilt feelngs many have.. as if done some crime... its just *** man.. we r not forcing anyone or harming anyone ! |
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Mahesh80 | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
@gayspark..it was the best write up that i had ever read in this site so far, it was very disturbing and enlightening as well..
Ragu; sasmathu, sanilnair; valentine; ajju vijju...all of you have poured your hearts out so movingly about the pains & dillemas faced by married gay/bi men..my profound thanks to every one of you. Sharing our experiences is deeply therapeutic; it reduces our mental burden to some extent; it also throws light to others...
Life is never easy for unmarried gay men as well..am 38 yrs old and single. In our conservative society whether its single men or women; they too face, hardships & tremendous peer pressure, whether it is within the relatives circle or at work place; its difficult for our society to accept someone who is unmarried or divorced or remarried...its still a kind of taboo here.i have lost count of the number of times I have been asked very insulting personal questions due to my single status..it becomes quite painful for our family members as well.
At one point of time during my college days due to various confusions & problems i was close to mental breakdown. But thankfully, i encountered some exceptionally nice souls in my life, they mentored me & guided me like guardian angels, provided me succour during my hard times and completely altered my life course..it has been long time since i ve come to fully accept myself as i am, now no insults or unfavorable situations disturb me for long, quickly i regain my equanimous mind state.
Since long i was also extensively reading, assimilating & researching on human mind and its various manifestations (mainly the eastern psychology) and worked upon my own mind for many yrs..the results were truly amazing, I hit on a gold mine within. A deep tranquility, peace came to my mind, it also brought a great deal of good luck into my life.
Earlier during my college days i led a promiscuous life (non hardcore stuff) thinking more u enjoy, more u r satisfied but it didnt take me long to realize that it was like trying to quell the fire by pouring petrol over it..then i led a completely celibate life for five yrs thinking that abstinence would give me satisfaction & contentment..though i encountered many miracles in my life during that phase of life, it was a forced abstinence; my mind came back with full vengeance at me...now for the last 13 yrs i have remained in loyal mono gamus relationship with a single partner (with a brief aberration with another guy a couple of times). Yearly once or twice I have non hardcore fun with my long term partner..somehow my mind has naturally hit the exact central point and found deep contentment in this point..it is neither indulging nor is it abstaining...most of the time there is absolutely no craving for anything or anyone...
I have never told my life story to even the best of my friends..i thought it will go to the grave along with me as a secret..seeing many of you frankly pouring out your hearts & stories, it encouraged me to open up as well.. |
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Ragu for fun | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
@mahesh80....true mahesh, our society is harsh on social outliners...I can completely get how u felt during ur college days...it’s always a to be or not to be situation....glad that u found ur point of balance...as I have already told u, it takes a great deal of knowing oneself to be at ur level....hats off for that |
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263363 | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
Hi Guys thanks for all your comments and appreciation. I have read many of you say you undergo frequent hiv testing at least once in six months. But my question is why do we keep doing it despite the fear of disease. I'm asking this question to myself |
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Deep Dutta | Posted On Mar 26, 2018
@Mahesh80, you are a courageous real man, hats off to you. & the rest all, are opportunity seekers, oops i mean NSA seekers, lol , pardon me again, i quit :D :D |
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rogertoni22 | Posted On Mar 27, 2018
@Funguy2016 : There is no point is feeling guilty about this. It's a kin to anyother preference like fav food, movie, song etc.
We just gotta tread cautiously and have fun. Have heard few guys who feel damn guilty about this and unnecessarily sabotage their peace.
They say they gonna quit and it definitely not gonna happen. I bet, after a short hiatus they would be back here looking for holes/poles. LOL
After all WHAT WE RESIST WILL PERSIST. So taking in on the stride and playing safe is the best thing. |
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raja bot | Posted On Mar 27, 2018
Nice. I still remember it was tuesday I had the courage to knock the nearest lab center for HIV. The receptionist lady asked me what I am there for and I boldly said I want to get tested for HIV. She simply asked me to fill a form and I gave blood. This was at 10am. The results were due at 5Pm. Imagine the agony and pain I went for 7 hours. Those 7 hours were the worst time in my life. At 5 I received an email.. Only after seeing it as non-reactive that I could get back to normal breathing. After that I stopped giving blowjobs and taking blowjobs.
Most of the gays in chennai for the matter are promiscuous and would have had multiple affairs just like me and yes I was because during my college days I have let many people and aged alike to *** my *** and I have had a fair share in *** *** too. Now that I have taken a cautious approach but this has dented my sexual fantasties and ebbed my pleasure. When ever I get a guy I check his lips if he had any cuts or wounds that will to make sure he is free from herpes. Believe me out of 10 guys are having herpes in their lips and its dangerous to allow them to *** your ***. I stopped *** completely with guys for some years. All i did was getting and giving handjobs for sometime. Being more conscious of STD's and your health is priority than getting getting laid and being infected with some diseases. Imagine the horror you pass it to your family members? as a bachelor no body cares but what about after marraige? getting an STD will spoil your life and not testing it will leave you scarring for life. |
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Ragu for fun | Posted On Apr 2, 2018
Hi friends....I want to share my experience with meeting one of our forum members last week...he is married but understands his urges for fun and doesn’t deny it to himself...it’s perdectly fine and I myself indulge in fun on and off (with gr being my recent addiction)....but what I didn’t agree with him was the fact that he was rubbishing away the way we talk in this thread....he was saying that why do h want to come to this site for friends when u have real ones in real life...he insisted that it’s imfatuation first and friendship might happen only as a by product and that one shouldn’t waste his time in just coffee meets...point taken to some extent...I do expect my friends to charm me in some ways...after giving it a thought I did realise the looks is only one type of charm....I can b charmed by wit, by personality and by genuine interest one shown for me....I am ready for coffee with anyone...the first cup is unconditional but the second cup (I mean the second meet) depends on how impressed iam in the first...so I just wanted to say that even though as a gay/bi I like good looking men of my type, as a normal person I also like to befriend ppl who charm me in other ways...and being gay/bi only makes me more comfortable with them....
PS: just for records I didn’t enjoy talking with this person...it so happened that he was from my company and was ready to meet me cos I agreed to meet him at his campus which is near my house (my campus is in another area)....he wasn’t ready to spend time and energy in meeting someone without any fun benefits ...and definitely didn’t enjoy the way he was abruptly saying that we are wrong and that only he makes sense |
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RamRandi | Posted On Jan 3, 2019
I'm married and have a good wife too who is active in *** but still I couldn't resist the love of being a bottom..... I love to hold the hard *** and *** him and want to feel the happiness I gave to him as his partner.... There is nothing so awesome feel in life than that..... I don't think there is something wrong being gay and marriage as long as it's your personal stuff and not disturbing others life.... Just live the life safe and as your heart says after all it's one life we have. Let's just live it |
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biman4u_2020 | Posted On Dec 21, 2024
Myself married bi male here from Chennai in 35 age group..i dont look lke old nor too young..i am 5 feet 10 with wheatish body and decent ***. plz rea my profile. i hate anything romantic between men... i mostly lust woman lot. into buxum ladies or fit ladies... i am married and i myself have fit /smart wife.. i have loads of CUCKOLD desries but i knw in this life i cant full fill it coz my wife though modern, when comes to casual *** ..still old school thoughts..
i had few MFM bi 3sum exp before marriage and its such a pleasure.. in this forum i am looking for another married manly man with clean body, fit and nice *** who knows good woman and loves MFM 3sum.. i can join him in anyways for pleasure..... i am no time pass. plz dicuss and see...
again please read it profperly. i am only looking for bit bi sexual man here who is lusty lot on woman but also likes some BI/GAY fun togther along with woman. if any such, plz DM Me |
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Manlymeat30 * | Posted On Dec 21, 2024
@biman4u_2020
Ur interesting mate |
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biman4u_2020 | Posted On Dec 21, 2024
@Manlymeat30 * honest confession..many r there like me..its normal |
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Samhotdude * | Posted On Feb 16, 2025
Married bi m 40 from south chennai here. I don't play with many guys due to the fear of diseases frankly. I was in GR few yrs back but finding fewer guys into safe practices even for oral was cumbersome.
I mostly play with couples and females and have had safe fun everytime.
I have a couple of trusted guys for M2M play and I know them for more than 5 years and I do engage in raw oral only with them.
One married IT guy hosts me few times a year from 2018 and lays me down and sucks me to completion. And i look forward to his calls whenever he's hungry for a ***. Otherwise he says he's straight as anyone ;)
Play safe guys. Keep testing. I test twice a year with lister metropolis for my hookups with couples and females as I don't like to have a barrier to eat a vag, just like how many guys say they don't like to chew rubber when I ask them for a covered BJ ! |
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old_visitor | Posted On Feb 19, 2025
in chennai end march....looking for married guys as ason to meet whenver i am in chennai......not just ***, but friendship aswell. |
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NeedDomBedHubby | Posted On Mar 3, 2025
Why are married men so attractive, they were also so passionate in bed and best love makers 💋. I would dive head first for a dilf daddy. |
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Deep4g | Posted On Mar 3, 2025
I want married man please. I find them si attractive. |
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Good_Boi | Posted On Jul 25, 2025
Bott Boi here looking for a married top pls dm |
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Sugu143 * | Posted On Jul 30, 2025
I am looking for cuckold husband i am bisexual top 💓 |
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Boi4Daddy | Posted On Sep 1, 2025
im 21 btm , and i love married/ mature men ,i would worship u |
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Ashvin181 | Posted On Nov 25, 2025
Unga wife or gf ah neenga panuratha live ah na nerula pakkalama just for fantasy ku |
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aalamaneelama * | Posted On Nov 25, 2025
40 yr bi in Chennai. Looking for cuckold hubby with his women or to do bi with me. |
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Kumarvram * | Posted On Nov 25, 2025
Top married guy here |
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