So many of us are in the closet and I respect that it’s a personal choice. A lot decide to get married due to social norms which is ok too. However I hear from some of the gay guys who get married that they are going to stop being gay. Now this is silly because being gay or straight is not a choice it’s an orientation it’s the genes we are born (yes the Lady Gaga song) with it’s a sexual preference that comes naturally so no one can control it. Being gay is not a crime as this is as natural as being straight. Sexual preferences cannot be chosen so once a gay you can probably experience straight se x but you are bound to continue getting attracted to same se x relationships. The sad part is a lot of people think it’s a switch that can be turned on and turned off on our will. A lot of gay people get exploited because they feel guilty about being gay. I think gay people should not feel guilty as this is not something they chose it’s the way they were born. Accepting ones own sexuality is very important to feel at peace with oneself. No one can be judgemental about someone else but the least we can be is easy on ourselves. Just thought I will put it out there so a lot of people who read this feel the freedom and the pleasure to experiment and experience their sexuality. Also be accepting of others and don’t judge them.
|Displaying 1 to 36 of 36 comments.|
|Posted On Dec 12, 2017 - 08:14 AM|
agree 100% with you. Its the conflict within the self acceptance of who truly we are matters a lot. Even i passed thro the same phase early in my marriage facing the pressure of guilt and not being true to myself and to my partner. Yes Society plays a great role influencing our decisions especially in India. But atleast we can reduce the internal conflict of accepting what we are and its not against nature. We are build that way and never be ashamed off. You cant stop being gay, that will never happen. But we can stop being looking for raw *** and lust. Attraction is nothing bad and nudity or being an exhibitonist is expression.But having promiscuous *** in a gay relationship is the most controversial and difficult part. It is not like a promiscuous relationship between a man and woman. its difficult to find a guy who does not stray out of the gay relationship. Thats where all problem starts.
I being from a medical background have read scientific evidence and cases where married men having *** with other men are at greater risk of exposing their lives and the lives depending on them to STD's and other infections. So being gay is not a curse or a bad thing but failing to accept yourself and disturbing the fine balance of love and lust creates all havoc. I am in terms with my sexuality, i have taken a decision not stray in *** but cant stop being gay thats why i look for friends with common interest so i can be myself and i dont have to live in the shadow. I know its complicated but we can find a solution. Hope i dont sound weird!
|Posted On Dec 13, 2017 - 07:38 PM|
Thanks gayspark for adding your views, I think as a community we have a long way to go. The Europe accepted homosexuality as an orientation and not a deviant behaviour to the extent they allow same *** marriages. This was followed by the US and recently Australia where it’s Ok for gay people to marry each other. I agree that gay relationships are not stable but that is more because the society in India does not accept it as a legal union so it is not governed by protocols in any manner. If this is socially recognised you would see a lot of LGBT being in a loyal relationship. In the western countries the LGBT members can adopt and create a family. I have to accept that the bigger cities in India are witnessing a major shift in the thinking process. A recent poll says a lot of Indians are accepting of LGBT. Most MNC and Indian blue chip companies as a part of their gender diversity policy clearly specify that LGBT employees must not be discriminated or harassed in any manner. Change is definitely a slow process and maybe in the next few decades we will follow what happens in west. However a few points to ponder - 1) Ancient India as a country was always open abd experimentative when it came to sexual identity. Check out the ancient carvings and statues of Khajuraho and other places. It definitely has so many kamasutra positions from Group to orgy to LGBT. Hence we have to accept that as a culture we were a very tolerant nation.
2) With the Mughal and the British invasion a lot of things changed. The Britishers introduced the Sec 377 which prohibits LGBT under the definition unnatural S ex. However Britain revoked this long back and now accept same s ex unions and marriages but India continues to be stuck in the colonial era.
3) While there have been several organisations like Naz foundation, Humsafar Trust and politician Sashi Tharoor (God Bless Them) who have petitioned to revoke 377 but our politicians as usual are playing the dirty game. None of the ruling party wants to bite the bullet because they are scared of vote bank politics some Hindu Muslim and Christian fundamentalist parties do not support this
4) Right to Privacy is a constitutional right now however what happens in our bedrooms is still decided by the government. This is against the very basics of our constitutional rights.
5) Indian Society - We are all a part of a very hypocritical, judgemental and intolerant society where anything that goes against the socially acceptable norms is judged as unacceptable. We blindly want to follow the norms church out the number of honour killings that happen just because someone marries outside the caste. However the same Indian does a complete U turn when he immigrates to any of the developed nations and has no problems with LGBT.
5) Last but not the least, Ourselves - If we are in Ohmojo PR or Grindr it clearly means we are inclined to be LGBT however we ourselves are not ready to come to terms with it. If someone is being made fun for being LGBT a lot of us either keep quiet or worse join in ridiculing. The starting point is for us to accept our s exuality. Stop judging others and we must stop pretending that this is not our problem.
While I am optimistic that the change will happen as a society we all need to do our small bit even if we are able yo change the thinking process of one person we have done something right.
|Posted On Dec 13, 2017 - 08:09 PM|
I get a lot of personal messages from many of you who take the time out to tell me how much you enjoyed reading my posts. However it will indeed be nice if you could share something about how we can build better awareness towards accepting LGBT so more and more of our friends are comfortable with their se xuality. I have lived and worked abroad for a significant period also travelled extensively. A lot of people shared their views which helped me in accepting myself better. I am still closeted and don’t flaunt my s exuality however am not guilty or apologetic in any manner. I have learnt to accept this is the way I was born and let me enjoy myself while it lasts. I don’t want to grow old feeling that I have missed out of any experience in life 😎😁
However am thankful to all the people who helped me come to terms. If by posting am able to get even one person to get slightly more comfortable and accepting of themselves my job is done. The more people express both their guilt or freedom or thoughts the better it will help others.As all of us more often than not are in the same boat.⚓️🚢
|Posted On Dec 14, 2017 - 07:30 AM|
Great thread... Being gay is a gift and a curse ...look at the brighter side and accept yourself and live it and enjoy..I waited for love to happen failed many times and got married to a girl out of frustration and now I regret ..getting married thinking it will be a solution is a ad decision personally..
Think 100 times before u get married ...once u do u can't come out as the girl loves u truly and u become her world...living alone and with freinds wud have been great..now it's too late ..so freinds don't get married for the fuckin society or family sake....be yourself ..it's only one life ..live and let live ...enjoy
|Posted On Dec 14, 2017 - 05:36 PM|
Contrary to the straight world the gay world is a bit more shallow it's all about hook ups and finding the next good looking guy. And the one we like almost always likes someone else 😁
|Posted On Dec 16, 2017 - 02:48 AM|
@raja bot - *** does not come automatically..I mostly have attraction towards men but i am okay to be with women so got married due to family circumstance...If you are worried about getting *** just need to think about men and get ***.But for those who get married should mentally prepare themselves to do all that stuff with women that is a MUST.Initially it may be difficult and over course of time it would come easily with practice.Though i am not that sexually inclined if we show unconditional love and duties we can be successful with married life. Don't worry and have self confidence in you..
|Posted On Dec 22, 2017 - 01:54 AM|
Looks nice post here..just would like to share my view.
Being a bi will not be causing any issue I feel. A bi guy can happily balance both of the life.
But being a gay it's little bit tough to lead the life ahead in our country... He can be at his own till he reaches marriage age. Later then people push him a lot for marriage and all other stuff.. the guy who phase the pressure by surrounding at that time would be really a painful journey. People definitely would try to change his mind to proceed the marriage. Actual problem starts once he gets into the marriage life.. it's his individual maturity to overcome those challenges.. though it's inner feeling , the person ended up to lead the life ahead..
Here 2 things,
#1. If he is a biological nature , it's difficult to stop gay life
#2. If he get into the gay world by influencing others , then it can be changed and lead a good life ...
There are few people who doesn't know which life should be the good one( marry with a girl or stay alone or living together with a guy).. no body can advise which is better. All the above life have it's own challenges.. it's our duty to overcome ..
It's all about my view..If it is offending sorry about that..
|Posted On Dec 22, 2017 - 07:06 AM|
Bi people claim to have best of both the world's however the larger point is about getting married unlike the West where marriage is seen as a personal decision in India marriage is still a social decision. Many parents believe that getting the children married is a personal responsibility and commitment. The society plays the role of conscious keeper and they keep reminding the individual and the parents about marriage plans. This is slowly changing with an increase in love marriages. A lot of Gay and Lesbian still people get pushed into straight marriages out of social prestige and lead a double life. However my larger point is the mental agony a lot of gay and lesbian people go thru post the marriage a lot of them feel guilty for cheating on their spouse. They probably don't enjoy s ex but have no choice but to comply because the next logical question family and society will ask is about children. My views to the gay and lesbian people trapped in straight marriages are not to feel guilty and punish themselves more. They need to loosen up and learn to enjoy life each passing day. Meet people have fun and take it easy. Like the western society where keeping oneself happy if the biggest commitment people make to themselves in India we commit to keep the society happy a lot of our social pride comes from how the society judges us. A good job; big house , big car, great family , children etc etc. I think the biggest measure should be the happiness quotient in our lives and if doing something makes us happy or satisfied we must indulge in it. I read the biggest regret a lot of people have while dying is they could have lived for themselves more. Atleast if Gay and Lesbian people let go of the guilt of cheating on the spouse or feeling less guilty for having fun they grow old thinking they atleast enjoyed life till it lasted.
|Posted On Dec 22, 2017 - 11:52 AM|
@exotic1234, agree with you bro. In our country marriage has always been a social commitment rather than personal choice. I don't think it will ever change. There are people who live in guilt because of their bisexual nature. One reason is that they are not able to live either of the lives comfortably with full freedom. They have committed themselves into a relationship which they feel responsible for but not satisfied to full extent by it. So guilt will be there where they cannot be transparent about their feelings with their spouses.
Another reason might not be guilt, but the fear of risking the life of their spouse which was not their mistake. In our country married bisexual men are at highest risk of developing STD and their poor spouses don't have this idea n contract something without their mistake. So it has become quiet complex. Being bisexual is a huge risk in the current society as long as you are married.
I am a bisexual myself more than guilt, I feel I have responsibility not to spoil my partners life. As long as things go well everything would be fine but that one moment when someone contracts the disease all he'll breaks loose. If single person contracts it affects his/her life alone but for bisexual married men it affects the entire family.
Don't suppress the gayness in you but handle it with care. It's not a disease or curse. It is either biological or acquired behavioural.
|Posted On Dec 22, 2017 - 02:59 PM|
@gayspark - Yes you are right however with respect to the disease it's quite a misconception that gay/bi men are at a higher risk of STD. Statistics say more straight men spread the disease than men who indulge in same s ex relationships. This is because they indulge in unsafe *** with prostitutes. However most educated Gay/Bi men practice safe se x and always use a condom. The risk of STD /HIV is only when people indulge in any sort of penetrative se x without proper protection. Many straight men or women live double lives too so many of them cheat on their partners with other people and live with guilt. While I think any form of infidelity is unacceptable but with the LGBT folks their fault is slightly less they did not choose their se xuality they were born this way. The society forced them to lead this life so making them feel miserable for something that's not their fault is not fair. I think LGBT people should just live without guilt and fear but yes I do agree that having married someone they need to behave responsibly towards their spouses and they need to fulfill their commitments also more females look for a friend and a companion and not just a s ex partner so it should not be that difficult I assume.
|Posted On Dec 27, 2017 - 07:36 AM|
This is a good read. Yes, I have married too. Not for the family sake, we have our time but she does know that I fall for any guys :) We chill sighting guys together. Sounds strange right ? Because we treat our partner with respect. We never had to cheat on others still we will share our thoughts together. She understood me. We want a baby too. we are approaching docters for that sake. Its good to be a family
|Posted On Aug 14, 2020 - 05:16 PM|
saw your post and i just want to tell you that i faced the exact same scenario.
I'm a hindu guy and I'm 21
i can just advice you that these labels don't mean anything
nothing else matters as long as you're enjoying stuff and having fun
|Posted On Mar 15, 2023 - 11:54 AM|
If you ever doubt about marriage, atleast ONCE in your life about marrying a girl, then please don't marry. There are millions of straight men there to marry women. If you are interested in homosexuality please please don't marry to women and waste everyone's life.
|Posted On Mar 15, 2023 - 06:13 PM|
I'm not particularly shy but I don't like to show my emotions that much,but i never try to suppress them or think they don't exists,I just try more to understand and give time myself to be more logical. I am bi and I understand that recently even I had accepted myself gay and I wouldnt really mind calling myself any definition you would like but if ever I met a girl I want to be with I don't want my mind to think that I'm gay and I shouldn't do that.
The only thing I want to tell you is love yourself,only you can understand yourself.give priorities to yourself first
|Posted On Mar 16, 2023 - 07:33 AM|
How is it okay to marry a girl if you are gay? Like you said, sexuality is not a switch that you can be straight when with wife.
Unless you are bisexual. But you have used the term gay.
And for a bisexual to lead a straight life after marrying a girl is the right decision. Else you will be cheating on your wife.
Shouldn't you be able to control your sexual urge? Don't people become celibate? Do bachelors , divorced or widowed men engage in *** freely?
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 12:51 PM|
You spoke about cheating.
Are all married heterosexual couples loyal to their spouses?
Loyalty and sexuality are two different things. Definition of cheating could be different for different people. Gone are the days where marriage was the only legal way to satisfy the sexual needs.
Intercourse is a physical act and is a physical need. *** is however emotional need. So it's up to each individual whether they want to get married and who they want to sleep with.
Nobody can be a flagbearer of morality.
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 01:49 PM|
Lovelust_1....rightly said....ultimately its ur life...u can do whatever u want...marrying doesn't mean becoming a sold property of someone...vice versa too....
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 02:24 PM|
Strange justification of cheating. 🤣
Imagine marrying a girl and she thinks you are loyal to her and behind her you sleep with guys and then go homr and hig your wife and kids with same hand you shagged someone, some time before.
A bit of shame would have helped.
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 02:43 PM|
Guys in today's age everyone has multiple *** partners. Some couple are open some are silent but know what other partner is doing. Just relax and enjoy while u can
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 02:51 PM|
I haven't married bevause of fear of wife finding my femininity. In some families ladies smell it adjust live .those days gone ..nowadays ladies pull us court . I was advised by professional counsellors to get married. But I didn't. At the same time I never got Good partner also . In college days I had a friend he got married after college not in touch and then lived alone . No more parents . If no marriage less respect in society also .Life goes . Now recently I know all these applications. But I like to have *** only with known person. Demisexual .
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 05:29 PM|
When people can open their *** to *** a *** they should have the guts to say no to marriage when you have no attraction to females.
We shud respect our life and not sell it for the sake of others
|Posted On Mar 17, 2023 - 06:39 PM|
Some people prefer living a fake life for the purpose of society pretending to be straight , but *** around with guys behind the doors. And they give stupid excuses like I have to do for my parents. I know a person who married a girl and ended up committing suicide after having a kid, because he was sick of dual life and couldn't take it any longer. Bisexual people who think they can give justice to the girl and family can think of getting married that too if they are sure,but gays marrying a girl is pure cheating.
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 12:27 AM|
While everyones definition for Marriage seems to be loyalty, how superficial is your marriage?
There is way more than *** in a marriage, while physical intimacy is a major pillar there are other pillars like trust, love, being there for each other mentally bot just in happiness but in tough times, financial planning, enjoying experiences (like travel, watching movies, hanging out with friends, attending or throwing gathering of said friends), focusing on your partners needs to ensure they grow.. there is a never ending list of things you can do in your marriage!
But everyone wants to focus on ***. How is it cheating if you partner knows? How is it cheating if you partner has the ability to engage in the same act? If you communicate things the trust never gets broken. These things take two matured minds to handle and if there are issues they also need to be sorted by communicating further.
It is about time to equate everything to loyalty and then basing loyalty on ***. You can be loyal in 1000’s of ways and if you are that insecure in the relationship maybe the core of your relationship needs more work as opposed to oppressive views thar further strangle the relationship or people involved in it.
But then again we belong to a culture where suffering is better than doing what we love so who am I to enlighten these views
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 02:55 AM|
I'm a bottom. Forcefully married. First 2 months i was scared and now its been 6 months going somewhat ok. As my wife has medical issues doctor said not to plan baby for 2 yrs. Honestly i don't get *** but i will say her to stimulate and within 3 mins *** happen and 85% foreplay 15% penetrative.
In india 75% women likes only foreplays. As a gay or bi or staright anyone can manage with foreplays..
Coming to my gay life i stopped gng cruising places, having fun with male 1.5 yrs back this is due to STD fear. I had a group of friends 10 people..8 are gay and 2 are TG in a cruising place. There i came to know abt STD, HIV.
Gay people are always ill treated by humans and even by god. He has given this gay feel to us and on top of it this diseases. I went to GH and took all test as one of my TG friend insisted me. When i went GH i was litreally shocked. Almost 20 people in that particular floor are affected with syphilis and came for penicilin injection to cure it. In that 20 i huv seen almost 16 people in cruising spot where i go. This particular incident made me think and i completely stopped cruising in hotspots and having *** with males. But the urge for hot men still exist in me and i control somehow by masturbation etc..... Especially in GH these syphilis patients are treate very badly.....
I may be bottom but i have fixed my mind that we don't want to get inside this disease and planned for a marriage. *** issues can be easily handled even if u huv issues... Mind plays a major role.
Gay life is very difficult unless you get a loyal partner where chances are less. Also in GH they openly say gay people life is more riskier than a straight life. Even you huv cheating hetrosexual people but they cheat by having one affair or at max 2. In gay life partners change every week where STD chances are very very huge. Also if you get syphilos you can't travel abroad.
I'm saying my views after certain age 80% relationship live only for ur money in gay life...
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 03:25 AM|
I agree with you.
Marriage in India means only ***. But we need to understand *** is just one aspect of marriage. Apart from that there's so much more in a relationship like mutual respect, caring for each other, supporting each other in touch situations, planning finances, raising children etc etc. Everyone on this thread on ohmojo has slept with multiple men. How can they preach about loyalty etc? Let's say you're into men. Then are you even committing to one man? No. You need weekly 2-3 to satisfy your perversions.
@RAJESH_BOMB don't you hug your mother, father, sister, brother, nephews and nieces with the same hand you shagged someone, sometime before? Does shame not help you there?
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 05:18 AM|
On a aide note.. this post has a justification for everything.. soe of the above pist justifies monogamy or being committed is the thing..some justifies polygamy whic other terms as cheating..so cheating is given a new name as open relationship... it is same wine in a different bottle.. but one thing is for sure majority of gays think with their *** or *** and not with their heads..someone preqching here monogamy will write a post somewhere being treated like a whore and gangbanged by group of gay..
At the end it boils down to the value we grow up with or attribute our selves to.
Every guy here has had multiple partner.. so its upon oneself to be sure of what he wants..if u enter into a relationship and look for commitment than u need to be upfront with your potential partner...if u r married abd looking for a relationship be clear about your priorities and the time u can give each other.. if u get into relationship dont have *** for sometime and see if u both can still take it forward.. set clear boundries when u enter a relatuinship
Whether you are a top or a bottom or a side.. if u like to have multiple partners u will cheat probably not at the start but within a month or 2 or 6 ...what matters at the end is the values u want to attach yourself with and then act accordingly..
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 05:39 AM|
I agree it is indeed the amount of confidence your parents instill in you growing up that defines you as a person..
Just a clarification on pologamy as a word it means a person with multiple spouses (polygamy does exist in the world and is great but is not a synonym for open relationship just as a FYI, given you seem to use a lot of temrs interchangably)
Closer term to open relationships is Polyamory but again not all open relationships are polyamorous.
Now lets go to cheating = open relationship and the smart metaphor of same wine in different bottle, while it is an opinion It cannot be far from truth. The whole meaning of open relationship hinges on the partners knowing about what the other one is up to (never the case with cheating) you are basically calling an open book exam “cheating” but its just a whole other thing
While your lovely comparison of gays thinking with their *** or *** is quiet self degrading, I have been awe fully lucky to have come across some amazing minds so far in my life that are intellectuals (in fact I go for them more than the ones that are just always ready to jump in the sack)
Finally yes we all have our own thought process and act on it , but Relationships evolve, people evolve. You cannot define the terms on day one and expect them to never change. They will change and so will you in it. Those boundaries you are talking about may shift.
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 06:13 AM|
Being in a relationship and then haveing *** with the other person with or without the knowledge of partner is cheating..its like copying in the exam with the supervisor knowing that you are copying.. it doesnt means team work..it is plain simple copying..
I never mean to degrade anyone... the fact is 80 percent of us think from *** and ***...hence i wrote majority.. the proof of this statement is the other posts that you see here in ohmojo regardjng the experience..be it in trains or cabs or buses or going to crusing places multiple times... additionally the profile pics are nothing but a *** or an ***.. we have been degrading out selves and as a community as a whole. Many of u tend to look for *** where they can get.. and hence the statement
Boundries shift people evolve but values remains the same and thats where values come in
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 06:23 AM|
The relation that you share with your mother, father etc is not the same that you share with your wife. You sleep with your wife and get intricate with her. You promise to be committed and devoted to her and your kids.
I think the thread here is about gays getting married to girls and still continue to sleep with guys ,but somehow its diverting to polyamory and polygamy and etc. Marriage can't be open relationship.
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 06:34 AM|
I guess some people have values of honesty and keeping the core free of guilt when it comes to relationships. Also clearly you did not understand the gist of open book example - the whole idea is being able to navigate and find the right answers as opposed being monitored by a “supervisor” to keep you from doing the wrong thing. Also i work in strategy and operations for a tech giant, do you have a study that gives out the 80% of gays think with *** and what not or its just one of those stats that are made up?
@Rajesh ironic indeed that “glad to be gay!” Was chosen as a topic gaya getting married to girls right?
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 07:31 AM|
Let us forget about cheating your wife or someone else. Are we truthful to ourself?
When we know we r only attracted towards guys but we keep on cheating our mind by pseudo convincing ourself that will get married for the sake of doing it and will continue to *** around because thats real me. So your real me is. 10 20% and remaining 80% is you cheating yourself to be straight.😲
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 08:10 AM|
I agree with your views... I have the similar thought in this context...we are surely degrading ourselves and as a community as a whole... Everyone is looking for multiple *** partners... Are we gays just *** toys? Do we need only ***?
This needs to be rethinked upon!
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 05:27 PM|
@sameer just re-read your comment and process how many ifs are there. We often tend to make up numbers when we feel strongly about something, 80% is something you feel is likely the stats but that does not make it a stat.
Secondly the survey thing, what if a person has *** pics or *** pics to just get attention and not to think with it, if one has a nice *** and knows people will message them left and right once they see it then it is a “strategy” but that does not equate to them thinking with their ***.
Rajesh also has bomb in his name lol, there are cracks in your analysis here (names can be picked when the profile was created and unlike pictures there is no ability to change them hence what if I say “80%” are stuck with a name picked when they did not know better? See that is how you make up stats
|Posted On Mar 18, 2023 - 05:29 PM|
Thinking about degrading ourselves used_hole_for_you (ironic), the whole point of being open is focusing on more things in a relationship than just ***.
|Posted On Mar 19, 2023 - 03:40 AM|
Vihit exactly.... the whole point is focussing on things more than *** whether open or not it doesnt matters.. and majority of us dont do that..we justlook for *** and nothing else.. here mostly people look for either getting *** or ***.. *** or ***..And its rajesh bomb not rajesh 8inch or rajeshrand (sorry rajesh)..
Since you are from nagi mumbai.. just you to help you please search ohmojo for mumbai local 2X2 or you will get the gist..
But bhai aap lage raho..you can keep on defending and opposing... i wont mind.. 80% zindabad...
|Posted On Mar 20, 2023 - 04:33 AM|
I am repeating a point. The opening comment says -" being gay or straight is not a choice it’s an orientation it’s the genes we are born" This is right. I agree with it. But the previous sentence says " A lot decide to get married due to social norms which is ok too.". My point is if you are gay, (not bi) do not have any sexual feeling for women, then how getting married is ok?