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Effeminate behaviour or mannerisms


Submitted by bottomboyvicky Location: All India (All India, India)

Generally this sort of behaviour is observed in the bottom partner's. I used to have this behaviour when I was quite young. But growing up in my teenage years I used to observe straight boys for their postures and copy them. The result is that from my walk and postures you may not be able to tell at first glance. But still my hand postures or movements have not changed much.

Once a corporate trainer asked me the reason for this in a one on one session. He told me I needed to overcome this problem if I need to make it big in the corporate world. I panicked then and beat around the Bush with his question. But over the years I realised that what he said had proven to be true. I have found growth but I feel that if this was corrected, I might have been on a different trajectory.

Do other guys face such issues? How do I / we overcome this? Any thoughts about the same?

Thanks for your feedback and concern!

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Displaying 1 to 50 of 54 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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Shamsagar11
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 03:03 AM

People are scared of something that is not normal

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Aaravbottom
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 03:31 AM

Actually, i like to have feminine manners as i believe that it may please my top partner.

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Nishantkoaa
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 04:17 AM

Well I to had this kind of behaviour. But later I overcame this by maintaining myself. Just try to observe yourself from a 3rd person view prospective half of your problem will end then and there. If you still think that you've became too much habituated then I think you should start doing workout (ofcourse if you don't do it now). If still it exists then make yourself understand that may be few things are not ment to be changed. At the end of the day satisfaction matters not the success it's good to be yourself sometimes.

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fifty *
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 05:45 AM

It's unfortunate that society can't us be our natural self
People seem to get distracted by my hand movements when I speak - elbow downwards . Also my arms and fingers are long and thin.
On phone, I have been addressed as madam.
I had created a thread about my experience, teasing I faced.
There was a hint of feminism in my walk during my younger days .

Are there groomers, personality development courses for these traits? Model training classes? I wish to do voice training, not for others, . But when I listen to recording of my speech, I don't like it. Not that I find it feminine .

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Akshat_Bottom
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 07:24 AM

@bottomboyvicky I don't know which corporate industry you work in but discrimination based on your physical trait / mannerism is strictly prohibited and goes against many company policies (at least it is where I work). If you are confident enough that ONLY your physical traits have caused any serious damage to your career, you can report this to appropriate channels meant for this kind of cases only (Usually its HR). But if you work in some private small company where such policies are non-existent then I am afraid you have no option but to find another job, preferably in some large western multi nationals where such laws do exist and strictly adhered to... Even better try to settle in western countries.

I know this sound far fetched but look at this way: changing your physical appearance or trait or mannerism is not going to work as it is quite possible that its embedded in you physique / psyche and you have not adopted such traits intentionally. Suppressing this (going against nature) could possibly lead to mental disorders such as depression.

Ultimately if you are not happy there is no point in working at such environment.

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Abhiggyan
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 07:40 AM

Yes one needs to be straight acting. Don't have that hum to bhai jaise hain waise hi rahenge attitude. Unfortunately, many people realize it very late when they are made fun of. Even girls are now a days copying boys' mannerisms. With too many news about gays and girlish gay characters in movies, a girlish child is predicted to be gay by the people around him and chances of him to be sexually exploited are likely.

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Matured_Bott
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 09:35 AM

I have a friend who can put girls to shame in being femnine... He is as successful as any straight guy or rather more then that... He is a VP in a company and 100s report to him..

Its about ur confidence, knowledge and talent... no doubt he was also mocked upon... but if u are talented...no one can stop u in being successful...

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bottomboyvicky
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 09:50 AM

Thanks guys for talking on this topic. Your support means a lot to me.

@Akshat_Bottom I am looking for a change in career. I work in a MNC which has policies against such discrimination. However, the discrimination is subtle and exists in the psyche of the common folk. Sometimes they body shame or resort to name calling. I retaliate sometimes, but more often than not, pretend to have been deaf to those conversations. Such incidents are a blow to my self esteem and confidence. But I am very good at what I do.

Now I'm tired of my job and will shortly move to another facet in the same finance industry which will be more of a front end job. I do not wish to stake any chances with this new career. Would you have any advice to offer?

Also,

@Nishantkoaa How does workout help in changing mannerisms? I do not work out at present.


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Monicacd
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 10:14 AM

Workout wouldn't change your mannerisms. It will make you slimmer and shapely. Your butt would become rounder and shapely if you do the right exercises. You would look fitter and sexier. Only thing you can change is the manner of your walking. It could be like a man or a woman depending on occasions.

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rajawadi_randi
Posted On Sep 28, 2022 - 08:06 PM

Being a below-average backbencher since childhood, I was always surrounded by the rowdy/rough male crowd which influenced my personality quiet a bit. Which is also why it took me way too long to realise my sexuality.
But that lifestyle also influenced my walking, talking, behaving, physique, and actions to be more "Manly" than someone would expect from a vers-bottom.
Recently (since 2019), I actively started pursuing cruising as a bottom and embracing the kind of "slutty" lifestyle. Which is why sometimes, when I feel confident enough during cruising, I start to walk, talk, and act like a female/hijra. And honestly, nothing feels more fun and exciting than that.
Walking on random secluded streets, one hand flowing back and forth while I groom myself with my other hand, giving the side-look and winking to hungry males, referring to myself as a woman, etc. It just adds to the excitement of getting frisky with a stranger at random places. Sometimes I do wish to shave all of my body hair (I'm quiet hairy) and crossdress to add to the feel, However, Since I haven't come out to my family and friends (long story with serious personal reasons) I can't go all the way without raising suspicion, but still, changing my mannerisms to suit my personality for that little period of time is a fun I never knew I wanted, but I'm glad I do now.

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Devhere91
Posted On Sep 29, 2022 - 11:21 AM

Well...I think, Mannerisms defined by another human like you and me. We come to conclusions about being manly or feminine, from how the highest percentage of people act. But again it may not be true.

For example, Many gods in all culture are portrayed generally without moustache or beard in physical form and smooth and sensitive at heart but in real world, it's just opp for humans. So, i dont really believe if someone say particular trait is manly or not.

I think, by being in this society, we discriminate ourselves first by observing others. We have a thought inside our head that we are feminine or not manly. Before other say, we make up our mind. People are in general tend to criticize whatever might be your character and how ever you behave. It's us that need to accept ourselves. Once we ease up our mind, we start to ignore who tries to hurt with distasteful comments.

Professionally, discrimination may happen, but that alone can not stop your success if you are really worth it.

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Elder51forboys
Posted On Sep 29, 2022 - 05:32 PM

I find effeminate behaviour or mannerisms by males in public or in groups very disgusting.
I mean.. if they think that they can attract a man by such effeminate mannerisms, then they shud remember that such a man wiud rather go to a woman instead of effeminate male.
Then where is same *** attraction?

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Sidkam23
Posted On Sep 29, 2022 - 06:11 PM

As a versatile guy I change my behaviour according to the situation I am in.. If I am being a bottom I can behave femme for that particular amount of time if and only if my partner wants that..and whenever I'm being the top I automatically change to a more "Manly" guy... But I personally believe that being femme isn't a gay trait.. As a gay man I'm attracted to the manlyness of my partner I want to feel like I'm in presence of a proper man, not a guy acting femme....but this is just my preference... People are free to behave and act however they want.. We should not have any objection to that...

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adicooliyo
Posted On Sep 29, 2022 - 07:59 PM

exactly my point @Edler51forboys its same gender, we like men .. but if a men behaves like women wat diff does it make... infact if you are with a femme guy outside somehwere .. people get the clear idea of you being gay or pervert :-) rather if we are with another masculine men then people do not judge and we can easily pass as two male friends (obviously no PDA) but i think to each its own, we all are different it just our preferences and desires are diff .. again my personal choice and preference nothing to offend anyone. i mention in all my bios on diff dating platforms no to CD femme etc..
although i have huge fantasy to date a masculine FTM (female to male trans men) .. what a treat it would be.. manly body and mannerism with a vag*na

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boobi101
Posted On Sep 30, 2022 - 12:12 AM

Omg, the femphobia from the fellow members of the LGBTQA+ community reflects the patriarchal upbringing of our society. There is nothing wrong with you. Work hard & Smart, invest in self learning & upskill, be abreast with technology and latest trends related to your work field. Learn to be self confident! And the most important thing is to accept yourself!! I am saying this from my personal experience. Be the queen of your destiny!!!!
FYI, there are a lot of men ( gay/Claiming to be straight/bi/ queer/ pan)out there who like to have *** with fem boys. So don’t let the low self esteem ( due to sexual orientation) projection of other people decide your behaviour!!!!

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Monicacd
Posted On Sep 30, 2022 - 07:44 AM

We live in a society where all kinds of prejudices exist. A very large percentage of population consider same *** relationship as disgusting and deviant. What I find really surprising that within gay population such prejudices also exist. And when they bring those prejudices to this forum, one sometimes wonder it is worthwhile to be here at all.

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PureBot27
Posted On Sep 30, 2022 - 09:38 AM

I feel people are ok with fem behavior . In community also .but to the fact clapping hands most often loud speaking crusing passing comments on fellow commuters or PPL at same place are bit awkward for alies n people from community also. I totally understand at certain extent that behaviour is natural but one can control. Who wouldn't mind walk along with so call famous fem behavior male personality out their .one can limit few things to normalise it

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pune_cd_bottom
Posted On Sep 30, 2022 - 07:07 PM

@Elder51forboys
Its everyone's personal choice. Calling it disgusting is just entitled behavior : "what I like is perfect and what other like is disgusting" ? wow!
I am sure many will find likes of you to be disgusting - old man preying on young boys - won't they? But I am not here to say that, its your choice, your preference.

Here in LGBTQ community nobody should consider other's personal preferences as "disgusting" If one does, then he is just plain bigot.

I totally agree with @adicooliyo
he does not like effeminate guys and he let it know in his profile, I am sure 99% effeminate bottoms would never bother him after reading that he doesn't prefer effeminate guy.

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amoldesai2011
Posted On Oct 1, 2022 - 12:47 PM

Me thinks Effiminate behaviour is actually a huge turn on for me. Being Bisexual, it gives you a feeling of being with a woman, that too a woman with a ***. The best of both worlds!!! The only thing that's a spoiler is when a bunch of effiminate folks get together and start acting like they are on a mission to prove that they are the most smart *** around trying to do all those overtly girly gestures (like eunuchs clapping, swearing, calling each other Randis and all sorts of nonsense) If they eliminate these gestures and carry themselves with pride, dignity and aplomb, they would automiatically start commanding respect as opposed to demanded it.Nothing against eunuchs either...just relate your own experiences ,where a solo eunuch you meet would generally behave well and bless you (after getting money) but if its a group everything changes (even after getting money) they would try and extract more and embaress themselves and everybody around them.
Effiminate folks cheers to you!!

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Vayavya
Posted On Oct 1, 2022 - 02:27 PM

Don't judge.
It was huge turn off for me to hangout with fem boys forget *** until I happened to date one.
Since then I love *** feminine boys, they make great *** n are very submissive makes man happy
I enjoy dominanting fem boy.. I have done with few boys who are fem. You should really have open mind n enjoy them too.

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ToBeFreeinLyf
Posted On Oct 1, 2022 - 06:16 PM

Amen! Fem boys blow, they *** and they swallow;) they are the best!

P.S I'm drunk☺️

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thansrin
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 07:07 AM

Behavior and body language are interlinked . I still remember one of my boss had mentioned that you are doing great but need to correct your body language to be more successful. Feminine body language makes others to you get notified as being a man have famine postures really guys tries to make fun of you or tease you .. women with manly body language is getting respected but it’s opposite in man’s situation. Many people facing difficulties to overcome this feminist body posture but it’s necessary to correct it if it helps you to be confident and successful in career. Here is the situation, a professional female doctor is walking in mid of night casually and her assistant a boy with feminine body language was walking 200 meters front of the doctor, the guys started to tease and called loudly for *** .. so understand the importance of behavior and body language

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Princeybaby
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 07:17 AM


If I talk about me.. My voice is completely husky, my friends told me to start smoking may be it change voice, I tried but not happened.
My body is soft like a female, I start going gym and after 3 years also body same soft, walking style also bit feminine, I tried a lot to change things but finally understand God maken me in this way so I am happily accepted, I never faced any issues like that in life when I am in normal manly clothes nd when even I do CD I don't face any big issues by people, and if any one laughing on me, I stopped caring about it.. I maken my mind and heart very strong to handle my self in every situation, self attitude & self thinkingchange a lot things in life.. I am a business men need to meet lot of people but never faced any issue...

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VinothBotz
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 01:27 PM

I'm manly on Streets and Feminine on sheets..
My feminine sluty gesture never failed to make my top partners excited.

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ente_xperience
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 02:41 PM

Feminine touch on a man is actually a curse. That too if it's school and college if the feminism is unavoidable then they make him to feel degraded and will make him to lose his self confidence and finally ppl will fail in life.

Unless the early maturity is there in feminine ppl it's tough to survive in this brainless world.

Make yr feminine nature as a positive asthra and beat big mouths with the success and growth...

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Princeybaby
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 03:32 PM

@ ente_xperience
Sorry... But i never feel like my femininity is a curse
Even ita a boon for me.... May be some people who r feminine they feel it's a curse... But i tell everyone its not a curse... It's a God gift...
Body of shiva.... Soul of shakti....
It's a rear combination.. I always feel d wibes of being special...
Nd if any one feel bad by my words then I am sorry... I don't mean to hurt any one or yo cut any one words... But d truth is accept by self 1st...others openion is just air... It always change direction

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HotBot
Posted On Oct 2, 2022 - 05:01 PM

I behave absolutely normal in public but I have a very feminine soft body and I am a total girl at heart and soul but behave normal in public

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ente_xperience
Posted On Oct 3, 2022 - 02:22 AM

@princy... I meant it's a curse like feel when people are shaming particularly at growing stage of life like school, colleges...

Apart from that I did not mean bad about it

It's individual acceptance anyway 🙂

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foroldertops
Posted On Oct 3, 2022 - 08:57 PM

For me, I just create a personality in my head that is all made up. Its like auditioning a role for a straight masculine dude. I used to do that when I was in college and nobody knows. I was that good. I grew my beard and dated girls. But once I started working and moved to mumbai, I became my true self and don't give a damn of what others feel. Be courteous polite to your colleagues but never allow them to bully or trample you, be the badass bitch you are. Now I'm working in my hometown in government sector, I've calm down now but I still raised my voice and give a piece of my mind against any homophobic *** who dare try to put me down. I'm financially independent now and I'm no longer scared as long as I know I'm on the right and legal. Since you are in corporate I think you should be firm, be a badass bitch and strengthen your skills, you can *** your boss all the way to the top if everything else goes awry but hey you can complaint, sued if it comes down to harassment or if you are in the closet just get your experience and move on to another company which is more international or city where most people in workplace are migrants from various parts of India/outside. You will get through this :)

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Elder51forboys
Posted On Oct 4, 2022 - 11:15 AM

@pune cd bottom
Guess you shud read messages and understand the gist of it rather than just take it personally.
I am very clear in my mind and thts what I stated
I am a man n am attracted to males so I hv accepted I am gay
If I am a man and attracted to Feminine guys or CDs or Shemales... I wud rather be straight n date women so as to retain the originality rather than make do with duplicates,,

In fact such feminine displays in public hv sent the word around n made str8 people believe
that all gays are feminine.. they call them chakkas or meetha khana. It had ruined reputation of gays therefore preventing gays from coming out of closet.

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kunal16
Posted On Oct 4, 2022 - 11:25 AM

@elder u r right i agree . no offense being gay and being femine are 2 diffrent things but some st8 think they r same and make every gay feel akward

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pune_cd_bottom
Posted On Oct 5, 2022 - 08:31 AM

@Elder51forboys
If you were really clear in mind that you are gay and want to date men, you shouldn't be offended about what straight folks think of you. :)

You need to know, If tomorrow, all of sudden, all feminine folks stop being feminine, straight folks are still going to call you with other names like "Tharki, Londe Baaz, Baccha Baaz etc."
Your problem is not with feminine folks but what straight folks would think of you. That sir is not called being clear in mind, its in fact opposite of it.

I wont blame you though, you are just victim of media and entertainment industry where they portray all gays to be feminine, and that is the real problem. If you really care about your perception in public then go fight against that not with feminine folks and don't ask them why are they being feminine? nobody asks you why are you gay? do they? Is that something you choose intentionally? No.

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***
Posted On Oct 13, 2022 - 04:15 AM

Beauty lies in eyes of the beholder!!
To some a feminine male is an object of desire, for others it is an object of digust.
They say ignorance is bliss.. however, ignorance also breeds bigotry.

Look within LGBTQ.... community, many gay Indians like to identify themselves as "BI" because they assume that makes them higher on the totem pole and better than Gays and queers. Some people take this mentality from sheets to street.
I have met some ultra fem gays, who can be misidentified as trans.. and I had no problem hanging out with them. Being a straight looking (not straight "acting" ) gay I have the privilege of not being judged outrightly, but I still get judged when people realise my sexuality. So all these so called straight acting guys, here' is a news flash for you- You are being talked about , may be not on your face. Tomboy girls (even though many are straight) get branded as butch dykes, I don't see dykes crying a river about it. All these gays who are bitching about fem guys has made the st8 guys believe that all gays are feminine are just insecure. If they were not so insecure then the term straight acting would not have been in gay vocabulary.

Crossdressers never turned me on. That being said when I meet a guy displaying fem behaviour at professional or social level, he gets the same respect as any other guy.

Few years ago, I was shopping at a Mall in Delhi with a friend. We were at some clothing store and there was a sales guy in the store, probably in his 30s, very skinny lanky, sway in walk, one would call him effeminate. He was doing a good job, had a pleasant demeanour. Then walked in bunch of aunties and the mood changed. They started commenting on him, cackling like typical desi aunties, passing remarks in hush hush tone. The poor guy's evening was ruined. Me and my friend realized how difficult life is for this guy, probably he is facing such humiliation, taunting, snide comments every day. Imagine this happening to you, especially at your place of work. We made sure to ask for his help, got his suggestions, initially we were just browsing, but we ended up buying few things to make sure he gets the sales commission. Throughout the interaction, we kept saying encouraging things to him and kept showing him support.

I don't want to patronize but we all can come down from our high horse once in awhile.

@foroldertops- more power to you. Cheers

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SalmanDear
Posted On Oct 13, 2022 - 02:21 PM

The perception shown in media about gays being over feminine behaviour and lusty for man is not good.

Many gays will have some percentage of faminine side or behaviour and your straight friends are okay with you. But when you go out with them for movies in group and this films show the over feminine gays in movies on which all are suppose to be laughing, you still feel embarrassed. Sometimes these roles are extended roles in movies and really feel annoyed watching this ***.

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Elder51forboys
Posted On Oct 15, 2022 - 06:21 PM

Very simple
Y complicate
If born a male
Be a man think like a man behave like s man

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Neeta
Posted On Oct 15, 2022 - 10:33 PM

@elder going by your definition man should just have *** with women then...but that is not the case is it? Of all the people, Gay men should be more understanding of the sexuality spectrum.

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Roshan2020
Posted On Oct 17, 2022 - 10:52 AM

Of all the people, usually effeminate guys are the most frustrated AND cunning. Watch and observe before protesting to what I said... you will know

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Randi_Rahul
Posted On Oct 19, 2022 - 01:23 PM

I was bullied relentlessly in my school days for my effeminate mannerisms. Slowly I started to change myself. Started walking like a man, got into sports, made sure to speak in a heavier voice. Got into a relationship with a girl as well. My parents who were not so sure of my sexuality got assured that their son is ok and doing completely fine in life. But deep down inside I knew what I was. I couldn't stop getting attracted to the male body and be a submissive bottom of my tops. Now I'm 22 years old, done with my post-graduation, trying to get in to a job. In next 4-5 years I'm going to have immense marital pressures from my family and the very thought of it makes me anxious. Life definitely got better post my behavioural change. But now I feel like if I were the same effeminate guy from school I wouldn't have had to live this dual life and my parents too would've had a clarity about my orientation.

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Roshan2020
Posted On Oct 19, 2022 - 01:59 PM

Rahul: U can still be a submissive bot AND also let ur parents know about ur sexuality without the need to be effeminate.

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Guy27bi
Posted On Oct 19, 2022 - 02:14 PM

@rahul I feel so sorry for you, it's a lot of pressure u r dealing with .
Try to come out to ur parents if that's possible.
Hope you talk about ur situation with someone , it's a lot to deal with alone .

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Needfriend45
Posted On Oct 24, 2022 - 09:18 AM

I had problems in school and college for my feminine feeling and behaviour .i had one plus point that body and face hair. To avoid probles , spoke less never kept a friend . One friend in my master degree used me . But he didnt tell others . Many boys in college not only tried enjoy rub hug and all and still insulted humilated in public. After i started to earn met psychotrist took various therapies including shock treatment for 10 years . That helped me to hide my feminity . Mean time become old. But still femine

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Moobs4U
Posted On Oct 24, 2022 - 01:45 PM

@Needfriend45,

I feel sorry that you have to go through this traumatic and mental agony for such long years.

I have been through same trauma for few years but eventually I understood nothing is going to change or in our control.

Acceptance is the only thing which makes you feel a little peace and confident in life.

I wish you all peace and happiness in life.

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Ohboy_2200
Posted On Oct 25, 2022 - 06:16 AM

I feel more loving towards fem boys. I've even been on a couple of public clean dates with some. In fact masc guys give me very friendly and bro like vibes. I enjoy getting *** by them, but never feel anything more for them.

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Ohboy_2200
Posted On Oct 25, 2022 - 06:18 AM

@needfriend45

The world is indeed a horrible place. Can't even imagine how you must have put through all of it so bravely and walked through this incruciating journey. More power to you for keeping your beautiful feminine alive in you.

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Wiseman51
Posted On Oct 25, 2022 - 07:26 AM

Well said ohboy. Everyone has his place under the Sun
And people should understand that..
There's always a fear of typifying behaviour and expecting male to behave like male

Even in this thread such posts were seen earlier

My purpose in writing here is to provide any type of relief/ support..

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Needfriend45
Posted On Oct 26, 2022 - 04:43 PM

Ohboy_2200. Thank u . I m better could hide my feminine behaviour had a decent career irrespective of problems faced . Many expose faminity lose education lose parents . Life used to be horrible but now better

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Needfriend45
Posted On Oct 26, 2022 - 11:05 PM

Ent_xperience . Yes True. Many Couldn't complete school also . I was ashamed confused lonely . All my intelligence Couldn't shine because of this feminity

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Premvishal
Posted On Oct 27, 2022 - 01:11 AM

I have been trying to change that feminine behavior so long, but sometimes it automatically popup, we can't avoid. Anyway I manage with my profession and family.

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jaidesai69
Posted On Oct 30, 2022 - 10:32 AM

to those guys with feminine behavior:
you are born this way: maybe the result of more % of feminine genes. humans come in various forms and behaviors. NEVER compare yourself to another person...as you do not know what that other person is like or is going through in life.
to those worried about getting married: many have done so in the past and maybe their wives did not know any better to compare with. my advice is if you do not feel attracted to women, try finding a doctor who understands you and tell him to diagnose you as a patient with erectile dysfunction. this diagnosis can then be told to your parents, who will then hopefully stop pressuring you to get married.

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laburnum
Posted On Oct 30, 2022 - 01:09 PM

on 2nd november there is Jagaddhatri puja in my ancestral home. i would love to go and attend the puja; also meet all my pishi (bua) and kaka and kaki, cousins and all. but i am reconsidering going there in my mind so many times as i feel sad at that wink wink and nudge nudge that goes out the moment i start speaking. some give out that sly smile when i speak. it denudes me of all dignity. just my speech sexuality becomes the dominant issue for all as if i am defined by that alone and do not have any other aspect about me. as Needfriend45 said i try to keep to myself so that people do not bother me as from looks one cannot make out my feminine speech. but i love to speak so it's hard for me to keep quiet. what predicament.

this has been my life's travail. i suppose it will be there always. cannot help it.

Previous comments: 1  2