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Mental Health - Depression - Procrastination


Submitted by Mambojambo Location: All India (All India, India)

Mental health is the most critical part and sadly most neglected part of our well being. It plays the foremost part in effecting our day to day life and eventually our physical well being, but worst part of it is the person is least aware he has this ailment.

Sadly Depression, one of most common mental ailment (especially to LGBTQ polupation) doesnt come alone. Procrastination, the chronic habit of not doing any tasks now and keep postponing stuff comes with it as depression takes away the joy of doing activities you usually used to love.

Procrastination starts affecting your family, your job your life and as you see everyone race ahead and you stuck in mirth, you simply give up and life goes on an autopilot non stop spiral down.

LGBT population needs mental support and there are few helpline available which were immensely useful. Will check if they are still available post lockdown.

Meanwhile do you have any self stories on how these mental issues affected your or your known ones... and any success stories? Would prefer avoiding bookish knowledge as they seldom help

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Displaying 1 to 36 of 36 comments.

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TamaRai
Posted On Feb 21, 2022 - 06:29 PM

Thank you for posting this one. ❤️ Needed this badly.

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Shaan Reddy
Posted On Feb 21, 2022 - 06:40 PM

Thanks a lot for initiating this topic.

At times, I feel I am in depression as I totally keep procrastinating all my planned tasks. This is happening more often than not and end up feeling low when I head to bed (around this time) as I couldn't do any of the tasks I planned at the beginning of the day. After reading this post, I can completely relate to my situation and I feel that I may need some counselling for me to get out of it. Any suggestions will be of great help. Looking forward to hearing from the fellow Ohmojians and the guidance for me to come out of it.

First of all, I am not sure if I need to be worried or no.

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Nmumbaimuscle
Posted On Feb 21, 2022 - 07:26 PM

Thanks for bringing this up.


I constantly feel the need to more with my life but end up procrastinating or thinking about things that don’t matter.

I am not able to take things out of mind even if it’s as silly as one time encounter or anything like that. I start obsessing about lamest of people when I even slightly get a vibe that they are not into me. Such things keep bugging my mind, stopping me from doing productive work and hence I become more anxious about the pending tasks my future. But still not able to get few trivial things and people out of mind

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Sanki
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 05:18 AM

To save yourselves from procrastination.....

List and write the things to be done on a paper, in priority sequence,...

And keep on updating the list as the job is done

One day you will find yourselves, to be out of the habit of procrastination.

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ManMode
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 05:30 AM

A very nice and important topic.

We are need to understand that most of us are discreet and not out or my be out to few close friends. We humans are basically emotional. We always need a support group to share. If we have a strong group of like minded people where we can share our thoughts we will feel much better. This my sound insignificant. But we do require some friends whom we can trust and who will not judge us. This can be of great help.

The Oh Mojo platform is very good one to get in touch with like minded people from community. We can chat with people from our community, get to know more people and ultimately get some good friends. We are need some close person who know what we are and we should also be secured that our identity will not be revealed.

If this happens, to my mind, the chances of such depression and consequential effects will be minimal.

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sameer143347
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 05:51 AM

I feel to have a good mental health for us..there should be organised meets regularly with a close knit group that is comfortable with each other. The meets should be basically purposeless so that there is natural progression on discussions where everyone is comfortable. We talk qbout what everyone does in life..how do they feel about doing the thing they do..

Keeping the meet without any agenda woll help us to slowly shed our inhibitions and people can tkae their own time to adjust which might be the first step.


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samira
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 06:28 AM

mm may b this is a good idea . just like foreign people hav chat discussion meets for rehab people ..2 days sober etc etc ..so ours not about leaving our gay life or whatever but a normal discussion to vent out ..where other thn *** we could b a little bit professional but transparent witout dual life ..just a thought ....as no body wan to hamper their other life ..so in respectful manner

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Shaan Reddy
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 06:28 AM

I agree with @sameer143347.. We should have such group and this site is doing good job in bringing like minded folks together..

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Bulletboy
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 06:46 AM

Yeah. Same here
I have found my partner here to discuss my doubts feelings and outspoken of my inner voice. Everybody should have one like that atleast to share what we feel.

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Lingerie
Posted On Feb 22, 2022 - 12:16 PM

We are not so lucky @bulletboy

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starbm
Posted On Feb 25, 2022 - 08:00 AM

Its very important that we invest in relation. Whatever it can be, friends, family members, any one. I have traveled across and have also met few psychiatrists abroad. They can take care of you but not for long. Only good friend or a family member can play that part. Somebody whom you can talk to on whatever topic you wish.

I have a friend. He is straight but knows about my orientation. Its nothing sexual, but he listens to every crap of mine and help me out. Its definitely nonreciprocal.

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SahajShahs4
Posted On Feb 26, 2022 - 04:38 AM

As per my previous experience of this forum, posting your story or thoughts will be questionable from people of this forum only. So many judgements and unnecessary cross questioning. But I really really appreciate owner of this post. This is very important to talk while we have mental health issues. And definitely most of people either belong to LGBTQ or not have mental health issues. Few people identify for themselves few never even want to understand they have this issue. I was in phase of my life almost for 3 months where I was mentally depressed and so had susidial tendency. But I gave chance to myself, come in touch with one person who helped me to understand my issue ans to resolve somehow. I am happy and feeling mentally healthy now. Only want to pass on message to all here. All problem have solution sooner or later. Keep patient, Share talk and comeout from situation.

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Coccksuker4u
Posted On Mar 3, 2022 - 01:44 PM

Well, in this selfish world, no 1 is true.. each guys wnt some thing free. The guys who call them top they think god has given them horn..they feel bootom shuld arrange plc .give money to them.. nd all

Its difficult to find a frnd. A good frnd is solution for depression. We are lonely.. we want some 1 to heart out .
But here we have top bot system..in abroad they have only gay term.. no top or bottom..
If a guy likes a guy he i gay..

Forum meetings all will not wrk. As no 1 is ready to meet nd talk nd go out..all are married thry are tied up fake relationship of marriage kids nd all

Come out meet make frbds spend time together

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Kani2707
Posted On Apr 15, 2022 - 06:26 AM

Really glad that this topic has been initiated. I read similar kind of topic in this platform.

I have been depression and anxiety for little over 10 years now. Taking unplanned leaves for weeks and those weeks I would be laying bed mostly, doesnt shower or brush etc. It was very very hard to get out of the bed. Like I was carrying a huge load of weight. Also I often overthink that I dont have any purpose in my life. Behaviour like this cost me a job nearly. Still struggling. Indulging in drinks and other other unwanted addictions. Creating more complexity in myself.

I know many are struggling and finding a way to get themself out of it. But I don't have any clue on this. Just think about how my life would be after my mom's itself create a enormourse chaose in me. So I just think about current day and survive. That's all.

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Skyfall21
Posted On Apr 15, 2022 - 06:33 AM

@kani2707 this is a common problem, anxiety and depression nowadays, some recognise and some don’t, you have to be careful of not spending too much time alone keep yourself busy and identifies activities which gives you mental satisfaction. try find good listening ear and there are many therapist available try to go for counselling also and get a treatment because these things are very useful. Life is precious, live it to create good memories.

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Rohiram
Posted On Apr 15, 2022 - 07:41 AM

Take little sun light in the morning, little running, exercise and join meditation programs, I can help u with connecting with teachers who teach meditation programs. These all issues can be solved with life style change

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ToBeFreeinLyf
Posted On Apr 17, 2022 - 08:37 AM

I would say running or just walking helps. I've personally struggled with it for years and going for a run boosts your mental health like anything. Then again, it can't help to cure it. It's just a temporary fix before things go haywire.

A permanent fix is something that you gotta work out for yourself, like a schedule to make sure that you keep yourself going. Ain't gonna be easy, gonna be the toughest battle you'd have ever fought but you come out on the other side, you'll be stronger that ever!

Keep going:) You can do it!

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RyanT
Posted On Apr 20, 2022 - 09:01 AM

Great Topic! Queer community suffers from an inordinate amount of mental health issues due to a variety of challenges, right from family/community acceptance, workplace acceptance/pressures, difficultly in finding partners, body shaming and judgement, unrealistic expectations wrt *** and so many other issues. it's no wonder that most of us have several confidence and self worth issues.

While it's very easy to say, We should all be together and stand in solidarity, in reality it never happens. I've lived in Bangalore long enough to know that friendships are also transcient. Having said this, is life difficult? yes, but can
it be overcome. For sure.

It's great to read some of the comments in this thread. Which I will echo and sorry if it sounds a bit lecturing. But i wish i had such advice when i was younger...

-First and foremost is self acceptance - Stop the self pitying and accept you are gay, you are fabulous and special. believe in it! -I look at instagram and facebook and I have lost count of the no of gay couples I see, it is encouraging to see this.


-BASED ON YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, please come out to your loved ones and colleagues, it takes a huge burden of your shoulder. being in the closet is such a waste of energy and a huge stress. Sure folks will be dissapointed, from parents to neighbours to roadside aunty will have an opinion your marriage. they will come around eventually, as long as you are strong.

-While not uniform accross, most organizations/mncs and even indian companies are getting more diverse and inclusive. take advantage of that


-Value yourself and time. Grindr/Apps are necessary evils, but let it not dictate your time and energy. Schedule your online/app hours and spend remaining time working, working out, do yoga/pranayama, creative hobbies, volunteering. Ensure your finances are in order. these will keep mind active

-if you are depressed - seek help. Do not shy from counselling, this area has grown big time and more and more therapists are aware of LGBT specific issues.

-***, let's face it. its more mental than physical. sometimes we act compulsively and this is out of loneliness. develop a good attitude, dont be coerced into doing something you dont like. while medication/prep is available..the threat of stds, hiv still prevalent, so do be careful. nothing is worth being ill

not wanting to judge, but i see some of the posts on the massage thread and I find it sad that masseurs are being forced to give hj/bj for money etc. Be respectful, else other in the community bear the brunt


some resources (please google or check on instagram/facebook)

Parivarthan - fantastic counselling center
Good as you - one of bengaluru oldest gay support space. find them on facebook and join. they have weekly thrus calls
Bengaluru frontrunners - bengalurufrontrunners (on instagram), a running/walking group who meet sunday morning at cubbon
pridecircle - https://www.thepridecircle.com/ india's biggest job fair/marketplace for lgbt hires (in all honesty this is more suited for freshers to mid level positions)
Amour - a facebook group, which is focused on connecting lgbt folks (its a little old fashioned, like u need to write a bio etc)

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Pandbearfur
Posted On Apr 20, 2022 - 09:33 AM

Are there any gay /bi counselling pyschologists who help in hyderabad ...im looking for one .

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vishal_kumar
Posted On Apr 25, 2022 - 02:29 PM

@Pandbeardur - Check this source. It list various healthcare providers for different cities (including Hyderabad). This is a bit dated but still relevant. Unless someone else can provide more accurate info.

http://orinam.net/resources-for/lgbt/health-and-wellness/providers/

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vishal_kumar
Posted On Apr 25, 2022 - 02:29 PM

PS - If anybody is looking in Pune, then I can tell you few good ones.

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Carnage0562
Posted On May 11, 2022 - 04:39 PM

Very interesting and important topic !
Yes thats right! people in LGBT community do deal with depression
I had a friend who was my flatmate for several years
He was the most confused person i had met in my entire life
We both knew about each other so we chose to live together but he was probably so lonely (dont judge me but he was not good in department of looks and people in our community mostly if not all, go by the looks to decide if they want to sleep with someone or not)
He used to target my 🍌 when i was drunk lol
and ofcourse who gives a *** when u r drunk, no one would mind a nice bj but i had no idea what was going on in his mind.. his actions gradually made me feel that he was in one sided love with me and he never admitted it even when he was drunk.. even when i asked him upfront.
Gradually as time passed i had my own friend and relationships and he would feel passively jealous so what he did, he started poisoning my friends and partners against me.. one after another i was dealing with failed relationships all bcoz he was depressed and not happy to see me with someone so he took all possible steps to break me with my acquaintances.
Well i was lucky i got to know the reality later on and now we dont talk to each other at all except hello hi, let alone living together

I am not sure what to feel about him
i feel sad about my friend most of the time
bcoz we had such amazing times on holidays/ vacationing/ clubbing
But i realised my mental health was getting affected bcoz of fights with my partner and the reason was him
so i decided to leave that place and move on in life
and told him to move on himself too
He still wants to meet and connect but sorry i dont want to come under the shadows of someone else’s depression
i have my own life

Depression is deep and real in our community but unlike keeping to urself and
causing damage to others, its way better u talk it out !
A Rejection wont affect ur life that deeply as a suppressed emotion would!


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sm00th13
Posted On May 29, 2022 - 06:00 PM

I am going through one of the worst time in my life, professionally. I was a people manager working for an IT mega brand. I was incredibly successful for 3 years and it finally looked like after almost 12 years working as a support engineer and an an analyst, I finally got the break I was longing for. However it was all short lived. I had 2 women who thought that I hated them, which I never did. Theirs asks were unreasonable to me and the company's policies and as a management guy, I didn't have the leverage to step out of the way and do anything.

The trouble with toxic and immature people in the IT industry is the fact that they think if their superiors disagree with them, its because they hate them! Anyways women being women, these two made false allegations against me and reported to the HR which they failed to prove. And I was safe. When I questioned the HR what they would do to someone who made false claims against another, they just shrugged it off. I spoke about this to my boss who was a lady and she shrugged it off too. Two weeks later without any warning signs I was asked to leave with immediate effect and then a week later we had the longest lockdown. I was in the lowest point of my life.

The decision of one person has ruined my career and as I write this, I am jobless, lost all hopes, and lost all confidence. I think this is how it all ends.

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Desidesirex
Posted On May 29, 2022 - 06:32 PM

If there is nothing against you then you can drag these women to court and also drag company for the same.

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sm00th13
Posted On May 30, 2022 - 02:24 AM

@desidesirex this happened in 2020 and then the lockdown followed my exit from that company. So really all I could do was to be at home and pull my hairs out. I think at the moment all I can do is to forgive them (which I am trying for the last 2 years) and move on.

Going legal against big names can be risky when your career is at the rock bottom.

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nikhilsingh
Posted On Aug 9, 2022 - 10:15 AM

From early childhood, i was , what people call "feminine". He walks like a girl, see his reaction to surprise is very girlish, he like TV seriels, he run like a girl, chakka, etc was almost everyday thing.
All this time, all i could do is ignore these things. With passing time I want to be invisible rather than hear these things. Did not have anyone to talk about it. Left school. Stop all the contact with friends from school. Left college stopped all the contact with friends from college.
Maybe I had inner guilt of being different and the best thing I thought for me was to move away from anyone who are/were aware what I was called.




Got a job post college resulting in financial independence. This gave me more independence to be away from people. First time started living independently.
Started to stay away from people in office. Just dont want them to call me or think of me as different.

But with dwindling confidance, I started getting locked up in my room. On holidays / long weekends for days, i wont come out of my room. The only thing I would do is go out to office and get back home.
With time I increased my weight,body becoming very inflexiable and hair started getting greyer.

joint a gym , did for few days, but stoped going due to inferior complextion in me.




Pendamic hit, got locked up in home for 2 years. Went to my hometown. This was a blessing and made me relise how important by parents/brother are to me.
I never thought, but it is very unlikely that they never heard or observed about what people call "feminine" about me. But never - never they said anything to me.
There were time in my cutting-people-out plase, where my call/visit at home was very limited. But now there is thing new found respect.

Saying all that, i dont think I have or will have the courage to come out to them. But God, I wish I could.

Now back to place of work, again alone. Again thinking of stepping out of the room I am staying at. Again thinking of joining gym, again imagining if I could look like those greasy athelete, or dance like Hritik.
And again, not doing anything about it. But hope I will get the courage to go out and do things, without thinking what other think or say about me.
Hope I get courage to be out there rather than being stuck and invisible.

At my early thirties now, and yet I am not giving up ( though not doing anything) ......well atleast not yet.....there are still many waters to taste .....many skys to see.....many things to eat.....

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Indian_Summer
Posted On Aug 9, 2022 - 11:07 AM

@NIKHILSINGH May I give you a tight tight hug, pal? And also let me tell you that you are in no way inferior to anybody else around you. You are God's unique creation. You are very special, if not to anyone else, atleast to your own self. So, *** the rest of the world. Rise up, not for the world, not for the fellow gays, but for your ownself. This world is beautiful, and you have all the right to cherish it, just like everyone else.

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Straight
Posted On Aug 9, 2022 - 11:55 AM

@nikhilsingh... If i may suggest, love yourself most, than anybody else..do what you feels like to do, without being having a thought what other will say.. because if you don't express still someone is there to say say something about you..or judges u....
I must say don't keep hard goals..keep / set very small and tiny gaol for a day and achieve it. And may it be another goal for another day......that it should be one which you like most and which will make you feels it's something done in regards to love for urself... Be Happy..be. Jolly and be independent and be beautiful and most importantly love urself..like you want someone to love you ....be your own someone...keep it simple and live Life courageously.... living alone is pleasure when no sadness/ no boredom is around, and only our love for ourself with happy mindset their in ur life....My life My rule...if if you want to battle ...*** any fear inside you....and u will notice outside hatred world will get fear from you....try to.be better version of yourself eachday... ... promise yourself that u will take care of your own self... protect your feelings... enjoy life's each moment and day...and

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Saby
Posted On Aug 9, 2022 - 12:01 PM

@Nihalsingh, i can see me in each of the words you wrote. Some way or the other we show ours skills and people start addressing them as feminine. But there are only two ways to handle thing, you go in your shell, cut from the world and feel like a victim. Other way is face it, accept it and move forward, whatever someone thinks about you, this is a responsible mindset. This path is a bit tough and we have many odd, so be it. You /me/we are unique and God had given us many qualities and skills and the way we see things is different. Let's not question god's creation, any unpleasant comment or gesture should make you more strong.
We have to face the world, we are in this era where there is so much awareness and acceptance. Try and stay with yourself, love yourself and do what you want to do.
This is not easy, trust me we all are struggling in our own ways to work it out. Find your ways and keep moving with positivity.
You are a beautiful soul and worry only about who matters to you like your parents/siblings.
Have a few friends may be someone from this community with whom you can share your feelings freely and spend some quality time.
Warm tight hug from me.
Take care and stay blessed.
Few of

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Straight
Posted On Aug 9, 2022 - 12:02 PM

And as u said u r into ur ealry thirties...then it means u have just started it...and long to go...don't think much about past... everyday is a new start..!! Enjoy it !

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Blrfun2017
Posted On Aug 10, 2022 - 08:58 AM

@nikhilsingh n others

The resolution to our depression is within ourselves. From my personal experience, I think we should accept ourselves first and be proud irrespective of the shortcomings/weaknesses which are largely not in our control. There are several humans with physical deformities and yet lot of them excel in life. The devil is within our minds and get negativity build up to the brink and get shattered.

Instead believe in yourself and work on turning your weaknesses into strengths. The moment you look at yourself differently, the world will follow suit.

I was also bullied, teased, provoked, failed, demotivated etc leading to severe depression, however now I believe I am the best...Learn to ignore what's not needed for you and you will end up being the most wanted :p

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warm_sins7
Posted On Aug 10, 2022 - 09:48 AM

Hello, I'm a Queer Affirmative Therapist/Counselor for the LGBTQ+ people. Reach me out for therapy sessions.

I understand that mental health is crucial to all in day to day lives, any compromise can affect one's physical and psychological health adversely.

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Kish2022
Posted On Sep 22, 2022 - 12:45 AM

This is an interesting topic and a very significant one too.. I have not been depressed exactly, but felt de-motivated and very irritable at times, impacting my mood and relationships. The trick to all this probably lies in accepting & loving oneself (no matter how you are in your own judgement) and learning to live with our design (I believe we are designed the way we are) - something I am still learning :).. Any thoughts ?

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mat40
Posted On Sep 22, 2022 - 05:00 AM

The most important thing to do .... FOCUS ON YOURSELF. Period! Turn the page... start a new chapter.
It can be anything; eating healthy, going to the gym, sleeping right. Once you've started, there should be no turning back, you'll soon see a newer you and your priorities, the way you see the world ( and vice versa ) will all change drastically.

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QueerTherapy
Posted On Sep 22, 2022 - 09:48 AM

one should not ignore mental health just as one wouldn't ignore physical health.
I kindly request guys here not to give advices without any facts. related to mental health. Since mental disorders like depression is a very serious illness. It has to be delt with proper therapy and lifestyle changes.
Please avoid giving people who are suffering from Mental illnesses like depression with toxic positive advice, It is NEVER

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QueerTherapy
Posted On Sep 22, 2022 - 09:53 AM

right.

people with depression and other mental illnesses wish the ones without them empathize with them. But most don't.

Since they think sadness and depression are the same.

For more information on mental health please refer here.

https://psychcentral.com/depression/what-to-say-and-do-to-someone-with-depression