Can we get married to a girl & lead a happy life?

Hello,

Hope you all are safe and I am extremely sorry if you have lost your closed ones during pandemic,

I am here representing lacs of guys, who are confused about their future, who are under loads of depression, who are going through family pressure for their MARRIAGE. We cannot postpone our marriage plans for long. Each day we spend along with the sword hanging on our heads. It may not kill us, but will definitely destroy people around us and whom we love. May be any of your suggestions or personal experiences could help people like me to convenience ourselves to get married? May be we can learn from your experiences and act accordingly. Please help!

P.S: this is for people who have no other choice other than to get married. Please do not say "convince parents", "Don't give a *** about what others say". Because We are in this stage, where getting married is the only choice. Also, this is how we are born.

Reply/Post a comment

Displaying 1 to 40 of 40 comments.
No Picture rajeev198171	Posted On May 27, 2021 Hi well said. I am also started thinking to get married. Hopefully that will be the best solution to come out of this. Definitely a good life partner is required for long term. I really appreciate your topic what you brought here.
No Picture Ud90	Posted On May 27, 2021 Don't marriage for the sake of family pressure or society opinion..you may spoil the life of a girl who doesn't have a idea of your sexual orientation. Spend your time happily with like minded people and save a life.
No Picture randomMsg	Posted On May 27, 2021 Well on my opinion, if you don't want to marry and doesn't bother if you stay single for the rest of your life(not being with a girl), then I suggest when you have a matrimony match and its obvious that now a days girl and guy are left alone to talk to each other, in this time you express your sexual orientation to the girl, and ask here if she doesn't like please reject him without telling the actual reason. This way you will fulfill your parents choice that u have agreed to marry, and its not your fault that you don't get to marry if the girls keep rejecting. Society won't question about it, yah they are bitches who judge but, keeping that aside, you are safe in terms of not spoiling a girls life and being honest in your thinking or your commitments. Win win case
No Picture jasper2019	Posted On May 27, 2021 Hi, thanks for bringing up this VERY important subject. Not all the LGBTQ people live in big cities, with open minded parents and relatives. As we get older there is always a HUGE pressure for us to get married, the pressure will come from everywhere including your parents, siblings, friends, relatives etc (in my case even my dentist was pressuring me to get married Lol!) Let me share my story here, Now I am 38 years old, the pressure to get married started when I was around 25 years old, this was a heavy burden that was crushing my shoulders every single day, thus I went through a long cycle of depression, after a huge dilemma, I came out to my parents, I informed them that I am gay and I am not interested in women, this has obviously devastated my parents (I was working abroad that time). Due to various reasons I had to return to India, once I return back home, the first thing my parents did is to take me to a doctor in Chennai (we live in a small town in TN) where I could get "fixed" it was a famous fertility clinic in Chennai, the doctor gave me some medication which really *** up my libido, so I stopped taking the medication. After sometimes, my parents again took me to a psychologist, the psychologist confused us all even more than before so, that didn't work out well. As the time passed, my parents started to get a lot of pressure from everyone including my siblings, relatives, friends, neighbours etc., Since I am a good-looking guy, the pressure was even more, everyone started asking why your son is not married yet, he is good looking, has good salary bla bla bla. My parents, especially my mom used to give me pressure in every subtle way possible, I was going through enormous pressure and a deep cycle of depression which was a decade old deep, dark hole. At some point, I couldn't take it anymore, I BUDGED, I agreed to get married with a girl. This is a SINGLE MOST DECISION that I REGRET TO MY CORE, my parents found a girl from a village, she is no way a match for me, but still I made the stupid decision of getting married with her. Once I got married, I was living my life in hell. I had no attachment or any connection with my wife whatsoever. Since I was not attached with her, she was not attached with me either, so she used to leave to her parent's house quite often. By this time, one year has passed since our marriage, the pressure was mounting on both of us to get a child, we have been told to go to infertility clinics to get checked and to get conceived artificially etc., The time that I was living with my wife was the WORST TIME of my life, I was filled with guilt, regret and I felt like the world was crushing up on me, I was even thinking of ending my life! To escape from this, I had affairs with multiple guys during a period of 2 years, many broken gay relationships many stupid decisions, I had to live a hidden life, hiding everything from my wife which itself a huge burden. After 2 years or so, my wife became pregnant, once she got pregnant, there was a lot of issues with my in-laws, so the whole family was in distress, at one point I told my parents that I cannot take this anymore and I told them that I want to get divorce. How hard anyone tries the marriage has broken beyond repair. After a years of court drama, I finally separated from my wife and son, now I support my son for his education every year and I meet with them once in a while. Now I have a boyfriend whom I consider as a soul mate. Its been more than 10 years since I got married, my life is devastated beyond recognition, my soul is crumbled in to million pieces soaked in Guilt, Regret and Anger against my decisions. Am I a Hero or Villain? My actions in the past 10 years makes me as a worst person in the world? Are my parents being the terrible people? Or they are also the victims of this society? All they wanted is a good life for their son, is it their fault? What fault does an innocent girl like my wife has? Her life is completely destroyed because of my actions. Worse of it all, a bubbly young boy, my son, what fault he has? He is being raised without a father, who’s fault is this? Was this humiliating, expensive experiment worth it? ABSOLUTELY NO! I really wish that I could travel back in a time machine and change my decisions, but I can’t. In 2019 my physical and mental stability has gone down the drain, so for the whole year I had to go for therapy to a very good therapist in Chennai, I used to travel to Chennai every weekend for many months for this. Now I am slowly recovering from all the trauma that I have gone through. But things will never be the same again. Before marriage I was holding on to the heavy burden of being a gay, marriage etc., But now I have to carry the immense load of my actions in the past 10 years, until death takes me away. The funny thing is, the people who were so “concerned” about my marriage before such as my relatives, friends etc., they are not in contact with my family anymore, we have become like the “untouchables” in the family, Once, they used to always talk about my marriage in the family gatherings, now I have become the “Big Elephant” in the room which nobody talks about. Now we realise that, the society, relatives, neighbours and friends mean NOTHING to us, I should have never taken any personal decisions based on other’s expectations. For all those young gay guys wondering weather they should get married or not, my simple answer is “ABSOLUTELY NO” but I know that the life in India is not as simple as a yes or no. I know it is VERY complex. I know a lot of gay guys who are living a somewhat OK life with a girl and kids (not everyone gets separated like me) But I couldn’t live a double life, I felt like I was gasping for air when I was with my wife, I simply couldn’t continue. This is just me, I know that experience for the other guys may not be the same. For PeaceToYou the host of this thread, my most important advise that I can give you is “BE SELFISH”, you tell your parents that you don’t want to get married, if possible you can reveal to them that you are gay, the best thing that you can do is, get a job in a city like Hyderabad or Mumbai or Chennai or abroad, move away from your family, be strong in your decisions. If you hold your ground strong for at least 5 years, they will let you lose, if not you will be regretting for rest of your life. Please don’t try to satisfy everyone (like I did) you will end up living in hell, at that time NOONE will come for your help. I will strongly suggest you to get some psychological therapy from LGBTQ friendly psychologist. Please remember that marriage is not a destination or it is not the end of the road, it is a beginning of a complex journey which involves 2 different families, lot of commitments and it is very expensive to give solutions once you mess up your marriage. So please do everything not to get married. Anyone can comment or message me on this matter, I will be glad to give my views.
No Picture Rang8641	Posted On May 27, 2021 @Jasper2019, Thanks for giving us a really actual fact of life, even being a gay from the core, getting married to a girl for the sake of satisfying our parents or family.
No Picture Skyfall21	Posted On May 27, 2021 Jasper2019, thanks for putting your heart out, you have shown how many of People are silently suffering, you made very good point, being selfish, think about yourself. This is a decision for lifetime so please think and act, don’t come in pressure. Being single is a choice nowadays and most of people are ok with it. Pressure is just for few years. So take your call. Jasper I know very easy to say but difficult in reality but MOVE ON, whatever is done is done now look forward. Depression is a real killer and you will not be well if you keep thinking about past. Guilt is a big sign of depression, continue your medication and life will be rosy again, more power to you buddy and live life king size 😊
No Picture BangaloreDiarie	Posted On May 27, 2021 Well here is my point, not everyone will have a privelige & support to remain single , go rebel against parents, come out to family, lead a life without anyone's intervention. Considering me my parents doesn't even understand what a gay person and they are above 60 years of age with underlying health conditions. Explaining them what a gay person is and then coming out to them that their son is gay/bisexual is highly difficult. You'll end up loosing and probably have to lead with that guilt for your whole lifetime. Coming back to being happy with a girl, it upto your decision that you want to lead a happy dual life or want's to hurt someone and be a self centred person and continue your life. Many more generation has to go only then probably a gay marriage would be normalised like a straight marriage in India. Untill then we have no rights to hurt our parents in their old age who gave us birth and were there for us through every thick and thin. This might be understood by someone who is very much close their parents especially their mother and would never want to hurt her for his sexual life to be fulfilled. I would not do that.
No Picture Peacetoyou	Posted On May 28, 2021 @rajeev198171 : Thank you so much buddy. @Ud90 : Definitely hurting a girl is not my intention at all bud. @randomMsg : I really appreciate your view dude. But, it is not that easy to do. what if the girl inform her parents or mine when I talk about my orientation. This is very risky. @Jasper2019: Thanks is a very small word for you. I can see how much you wanted to go back and fix it in the first stage. Appreciate your time for typing so many wonderful words and for your support. We need more people like you. Well, I have seen few people around me who are from LGBT Community and are married with kids. Not sure they are still happy or not. In my case, I can never imagine telling about my stats to my family. It will take their lives. My mother has already started getting sick slowly. It is difficult and heart breaking to see your parents suffering because of you. My intention is that, I want to get married and have my kids and be loyal to my wife. Sometimes I think I can, sometimes I think I cannot. When I look at some married people from the community, I always think, if they can do it, why can't I? Till now, my parents have given me everything I had asked for. But I think I am ready to sacrifice for them. Also, I think I can overcome my fear and stress slowly. And yeah, it's not like they are pushing me to hell. Since I have decided to do it, probably I may have to start thinking in that direction and make myself understand that life's gonna change drastically and I should be ready to take the challenge. Do you guys have any thoughts?
No Picture Peacetoyou	Posted On May 28, 2021 @BangaloreDiarie : True that buddy. They will not have so much of energy to take whatever *** we throw at them. It's not there problem. At the same time, it is not our problem too. We were born this way. May god bless us :)
No Picture randomMsg	Posted On May 28, 2021 after reading @Jasper2019 life experience its very heart breaking to see from both perspective (husband, wife, mother and father's angle). hope you recover soon bro, what i suggest is instead of staring or taking the worst decision of your life like marring to a girl if you regret, then Please learn about marriage, Its our culture that we don't want to break a contract. (Marriage is a contract with mutual consent), So once u r married make sure you full fill wht you have agreed as being a husband, Time heals only if u fight back but at least by not breaking the promise, Weather you were forced or u took the decision on pressure, a promise is a promise. This is what we are lagging most in this generation. We tend to break Promise being Selfish. I know its hard, but life is a test , this way or the other way we got to fight and win, not win buy loosing ourselves. All i can say is No matter what the situation is Try to uphold the promise made if you have to choose marriage as the final decision. Not physically but you can mentally care for a person. Husband Wife means not just *** right. its more than just ***. Do justice not to you but for the Promise made.
No Picture randomMsg	Posted On May 28, 2021 @peacetoyou I know its risky, but not as risky as spoiling a girls life if you have regrets later after marriage, that marriage is the worst decision took, just like how @Jasper2019 mentioned. Regret is bad but due to that regret spoiling yourself is even more worse. So what ever the decision is risk is involved either ways. How you deal with is want makes one hero or villain. Do justice to self do justice to others and do justice the the people whom you love.. After all this life is about love right!
No Picture Nu-Man	Posted On May 28, 2021 There is no point in gay marrying a girl. When you don't have any attraction towards girl why shud u marry for tge sake of others. All family n friends with all gold n glitter will come on your marriage day after that you have to.live with the girl for a lifetime. Playing dual role as a straight man when u have liking fir males. The hardest thing in life is not being yourself and doing the role of str8 man all tge time. Guys you are not kindergarten kids you have grown to understand tge world . Don't marry for the sake of others. It's your life respect it.
No Picture aan_kaalai	Posted On Jun 3, 2021 U can get married and give full satisfaction to your wife. All u need to do is build up sexual thoughts for 8 hours before actual *** Once married and children born pls be loyal Vent out only by masturbation and online browse No actual gay stuff pls
No Picture Wewake	Posted On Jun 3, 2021 The topic of marriage in itself creates lot of anxiety!!!. Last year around may I was pulled back to native from Bangalore..I knew they would lock me down permanent in the lockdown!!! I still came to native just because family was worried! Within few days they started the marriage topic....I started acting little abnormal ( my usual way of escaping) But this time my parents had done der homework....they sent me to a psychiatrist...I went and explained him everything thinking he wouldn't understand what a gay thing is( my native is not a metro and doctor usually would suggest don't worry get married u would start liking everything after marriage) But to my surprise the dock turned out to be a LGBT friendly and LGBTQ knowledgeable... He just asked few more questions regarding my childhood and immediately said u don't require any treatment....it's ur family who requires it!!! I was at peace......he then called my family n closed the topic.....!!! But after few months my mom asked, think again about ur future u need some1 when u grow older....... .I thought she would offer me to find a boy...! Too much expections from Indian parents...! She told they would find a girl who is not interested in ***!!! Oh my god...I didn't reply and went back to blr.... And it was peace der for almost 6 months, been to few g trips, all well.... suddenly this 2nd wave in April brought me back to native....same anxious life again...!! Never think coming out puts an end to everything!! It's better to keep escaping then coming out and embarrassing!!!
No Picture Sachin_778	Posted On Jun 8, 2021 Isn't marriage of convenience an option here? Coming from an orthodox family who doesn't understand what being "GAY" is, I feel that this is a better way if shutting them up. But again, you have to lead a double life.
No Picture Asimas	Posted On Jun 11, 2021 I can never be happy with girl again I get long-term relationships then I want become girl for always remove ***
No Picture BoobyBear	Posted On Jun 14, 2021 "If you don't get *** for female and can't do intercourse then DO NOT MARRY!!" This is the most simple way to make anyone understand.
No Picture mattop	Posted On Jun 30, 2021 Hi All, To all those who are confused or are in a dilemma about getting married. Please go ahead and get married and enjoy the bliss of married life and uninhibited *** with your partner. This is only an alternate channel to gratify your sexual urge. If you are clear about your orientation straight, gay its good. If you want to close this and be straight its OK. That said you can not get to enjoy all your sexual likes/fantasies with your wife. She may or maynot agree to *** ***, *** *** , *** toys etc. If she agrees its heaven. If you want lead a Bisexual life being here also please be careful to keep it secret and dont spoil your married life. You are welcome to message me if you need guidance All the BEST!!!
No Picture romancecafe1@gm	Posted On Jun 30, 2021 @mattop, what kind of advice this is? Having *** with more than one partner always have risk to STDs. Its risking your partner too. Also why a bisexual or Gay need to marry a girl and spoil her life? If it is your sister or daughter, will you accept a gay guy marrying her?
No Picture hotbotpop	Posted On Jul 1, 2021 I'm married and I have kids too. I wouldn't say life is a living hell or anything like that. It's not all that bad. There are good and bad moments as well. But if I can go back by 7 years, I would NEVER EVER get married. The guilt is REAL and it is something you would have never faced before. The argument that you put 'Get married to satisfy your parents' is the dumbest ever. It is as if parents are happy 'forever' the moment you get married. No! Parents are happy if you can lead a happy life whether you are married or not. If you can never have ***/*** with a female and never feel the connection, you can never be happy in your married life. Do not fall for stupid advices. If you are uncomfortable coming out, keep postponing your marriage, go abroad, move to city, do anything possible to avoid marriage and all the heat will die down in 5 years. Trust me.
No Picture kissses	Posted On Jul 1, 2021 @hotbotpop, thanks a ton for saying that! I am right now in the middle of "i will do anything but will not marry" stage, so your comment really made me feel better. I feel absolutely zero attraction or emotional connect with women, so a marriage for the sake of the parents would be quite stressful if not hellish. We have created a narrative where we think people have just two options, either marry and 'settle down" or live a life of dreadful sorrow, while in reality it doesnt work that way. Married men and single men both have their share of good and bad times, no married man is forever blissfully happy and no single man is forever depressed. I can only speak for myself and as far as I am concerned, a marriage of compromise wont happen ever. So I am just waiting out the marriage pressure to die down and it will I am sure, someday, It has to :D
No Picture hotbotpop	Posted On Jul 1, 2021 @kissses You are doing absolutely right thing. I have a gay friend who did not get married even after so much pressure. There was a time when his parents even stopped talking to him. But he held his ground and did not give up. Now after 5 years, everything is ok. He has worked out and got a good body now, traveling with his male partner, lives stress free and his family also accepted now. Moreover it's not like married men always have blissful lives. I've seen so many even straight married friends suffer with so many issues after marriage. 1. Every Diwali and other festivals, there will be a dilemma if you have to spend in your home or your wife's home. After a point, you'll even start hating festivals. 2. If no kids, then social pressure on when are we producing kids. If kids, then their studies, health, their way of growing and all those other issues. 3. Most importantly, wife and mother does not get along well and they make your life hell. That happens in almost every family I know of. Every mother is so desperate to get their sons married just to fight with their daughter-in-laws later. Facepalm! 4. Women are not like men. They have huge amount of emotional baggage and have way too many expectations, at least the conservative ones. The list is endless. Here comes the important aspect of ***. If you have a good sexual life, then issues will settle by night. That physical intimacy will smoothen it all and by morning things get settled just to show up again sometime later. But if you cannot even have ***, then you are literally...literally screwd. It is better any day to live a stress free and truthful life than living a lie for the heck of society.
No Picture rishim32	Posted On Jul 9, 2021 Never get married if you aren't at least a bisexual.my 2 cents.
No Picture I love oldermen	Posted On Jul 17, 2021 Pressure will not die down, i am still holding and even after 47 years age family friends are pressuring me to get married.
No Picture jasper2019	Posted On Jul 30, 2021 Well this answers many questions about the "dream" married life many people are supporting here https://www.news18.com/news/india/bengaluru-woman-files-for-divorce-as-husband-found-on-gay-apps-after-years-of-emotional-abuse-4006865.html
Jithumarathahal	Posted On Aug 28, 2021 I have no feeling to *** with a girl but only with good looking guys. So stopped marriage things
No Picture Vishu_bottom	Posted On Sep 9, 2021 Guys ...be proud what we are ...and don't be sick what society say...it's you and your life ..they are not feeding you... U just keep love your parents and your surroundings... understand them as much as what is the fact ..if they not ...leave ..u started live your life happily ...if your satisfy and compartable with your way than its complete life ..unless it's kind of prison for you...don't spoil others life committing with family options .. marriage is not joke . Myself : I'm ladyboy transferring male to female ...I talked with my parents ...I don't care about society...I'm working and leading my life.and searching for my life partner...most of guys praposing me for love and relationship now a days ... I'm happy...
No Picture lovemybootty	Posted On Oct 22, 2021 No it is not happy life. To marry is not your choice, but married. I am gay since I didn't know this word. I was little kid, when I used to *** and get *** sometimes with a guy of my age. One day, since we were little kid, his teeth penetrated and I was bleeding. My father got me to clinic. Our whole society knew tbat we used to do that. I don't remember anybody told me about that at that time. But, once I came back from clinic people start telling not do, it will hurt you. Don't remember when it stopped.. But, again it started when I was in 9th standard. I was living alone since a long, and one of my friends used to come at my home for study. Suddenly, one day it started with talking about *** and I could5 resist myself from *** him. It ended with full ***. Since then, I was in sexual relationship and for 5 years with one that ended in 2014. I got job, and my father said me to come home. 2hen I reached, parents said your marriage is fixed next year. No other choice, but had to marry. Ultimately, got married. Since the time, I heared that my marriage is fixed, I got depressed and was scared of loosing everything. I used to crossdress, now it stopped. I was thinking to go for HRT, and post operated M2F. I had looked for the doctor and was about to start visiting doctors. All desire dead. I don't like to have *** with women at all, but no other choice. Now I have a kid, and got an agreement that I can wear panties. I informed her how mu h I like *** and I was in sexual relation with men. She didn't mind and said, don't do that. Since last one year I didn't have, but I cannot keep me away from thinking of. It seems life is spoiled. It has huge mental impact and I am remain with.
No Picture deepdesire69	Posted On Oct 23, 2021 lovemybootty, read your message and want to suggest you - 1. it is your life and it is you who are the main cause of all these things. cannot you think of keeping your wife also happy and have gay *** too in parallel? by any means, she also left her everything and came behind you dedicating her future, career and desires....if ur *** is not supportive for normal intercourse, you have lots of treatments, dildos, vibrator and so....on take their utility. 2. please dont keep hammering yourself for which your precious life is in no way responsible, it is your making and your decisions which dragged you into this dilemma and absolutely there is no wrong at all in being bi-sexual as all the men and women on this planet have both the hormones and only we group have the guts and courage to pronounce and discuss these things openly. 3. please dont discourage, dis-heart and frighten people around you with your narration of both marriage and bi-sexuality. 4. consult a counselor and a doctor surely you can enjoy your left over life at least to the best. wish you good luck
No Picture romancecafe1@gm	Posted On Oct 24, 2021 The important question is, can you get married and your wife lead a happy life? Do you give your daughter to a gay guy? Some guys might say they satisfy their wife and take good care. But what about STDs? Even by kissing another person some STDs can transmit. Think from your wife or daughters angle too. Don't be too selfish guys
No Picture Allroadsarelead	Posted On Nov 27, 2022 @Jasper2019 Thank you so so much for this well explained reply. My life is exactly 💯 like yours, but still I'm living in marriage and LIFE IS HELL HELL HELL. Guys, one simple rule of thumb. If you ever think in dilemma to marry or not, then please don't marry. Because, potential men will not even think (about not married) and they can give the best life to women, not us. It's a natural mutation from nature, respect it, accept it and live happily with like minded people. Please read and follow @Jasper2019 advice. Don't waste precious life of a woman and children. I'm a manly straight looking man. I'm saying this with 15 years of marriage experience.
No Picture Allroadsarelead	Posted On Nov 27, 2022 All, If you are not married yet and seeking advice your life is saved. If you are married, that's all. Gone. Period.
No Picture Asimas	Posted On Nov 28, 2022 Bottom married to girl will make both life miserable not know about tops
No Picture JustLykThat	Posted On May 22, 2023 Living a double life is very painful and humiliating. Don’t do it if you are not 100% sure. I m telling this with my 17 years of marriage experience. At least people are discussing it now and you have got the platforms to discuss openly. Imagine 17 years back. Not a single person was there to back you up. All I can say is Living a life in Hell since then and waiting this life to end naturally asap as it’s meaningless now. Only people who ll understand this are the ones who are living it now or lived it by themselves. Anyone need any further details can always reach out to me. Happy to discuss. Your life your decision. Just one life so live it without any regret. Start living for yourself or else you ll live like a body without soul.
No Picture aaronk333	Posted On Jun 10, 2024 Get married to a lesbian
No Picture Dream_boy555	Posted On Dec 21, 2024 Well i had been divorced twice you will loose your interest with partner better to stay alone and have suurogacy
No Picture Manshish	Posted On Dec 21, 2024 @justlykthat - living the same life; but for me to just few years. Biggest mistake of my life
No Picture Shawarma *	Posted On Dec 21, 2024 I guess it is possible to live happilly if you discover your interest after few yrs of marriage....
No Picture Subfantasy007	Posted On Dec 11, 2025 Guysss help me out, I am a bottom and I got recently married due to family pressure….I am unable to maintain an *** to enter my wife…she is also virgin and from rural background…..now I am somehow convincing her because she is virgin its not happening like that….i need help from you guys how did you had *** with your wife first time even though no attraction
No Picture Funpurefun	Posted On Dec 11, 2025 Dear Subfantasy, Try Slidenafil tablet 50mg by manforce before 1 hour and eat food 2 hours before. This will help you maintain the ***. You don't need prescription and available in most of the medical shops.