Let's talk about rejections.

Have you ever faced any rejection in the gay relationship (whatever form may be; long-term, short-term just picking up random guys, in cruising spots etc)! What was the reason behind the rejection?

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Displaying 1 to 47 of 47 comments.
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 I am not sure about rejections cos in my case mostly when I find a guy cheating on me or ignores me I just move on .. But I really had bad experiences with guys who don't know how to handle rejections.. outside India if a person doesn't like ur advances he can say sorry or politely remove your hand when u touch him.. It's a subtle way of saying a no.. But here some guys starts abusing when we refuse.. Some ask weird questions as "why you said no?" .. " if I send you another picture will you like me ?".. " I will *** you .. Do you like me now ?".. Wonder how to respond to such questions.. Guys.. Why bother if someone rejects us.. Just move on.. Just think "Those grapes are sour".. :).. Also beauty is in the eyes of the beholder .. I wouldn't say I had the greatest *** with the best looking guy or vice verse.. So end of the day more than looks or size or for that fact any physical parameters it's the pleasure you get out of a good and satisfying ***.. Actually I have experienced that., when you have a good and satisfying *** you face glows.. :)
No Picture Sk12345	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 Everyone have their own perception. I have been rejected by persons who were not good looking than me and also accepted by persons who were more good looking than me
No Picture Mahesh80	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 In general, the Asian societies are more conservative, emotionally oriented & sexually repressed (of course we have many positive aspects as well), while much of the western society is open, intellectually oriented & individualistic, with high levels of personal and sexual rights. Due to the emotional nature and the sexual repression of our society, rejection is not taken kindly here in many cases; be it a gay relationship or a hetro sexual relationships. That's why we see many spurned lovers in our country reacting violently towards the one who rejects or towards oneself. Such cases are relatively less in the west.
No Picture Mahesh80	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 In many cases we mistake possessiveness to be love; in possessiveness the possessive person just tries to make use of the other under the garb of love; its a kind of subtle exploitation which is difficult to discern. only in such cases the rejections are met with violent reactions and hard feelings...whereas a true matured love never tries to control or possess the other, it is very understanding, it tries to give rather than take from the other, it is never offended or angered by rejections, its quite utopian & rare to find such a relationship; but such souls & relationships do exist.
No Picture 263363	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 True can't agree more with @ Valentine, Handling rejections is difficult with ppl in our country, they take it too personally as sometimes we forget to respect each other's perspective and preferences. In foreign countries all u need to say is no or sorry not interested. Here in Ohmojo I have bad experiences of guys flooding with messages talking bad n nonsense when I said I am not interested in meeting for ***
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 Let alone rejections .. People out here even lack basic courtesy if not ethics.. While there's a profile and our preference being mentioned some people prefer to test our patience by flooding with messages asking same questions..
No Picture Adventure-guy	Posted On Mar 11, 2018 In India people still do not understand what "NO" means. "NO" means "NO", this is something Indian men have not learnt to respect and accept. An ego-centric mind considers "NO" as an insult...and as a consequence can result in harassment, forceful touching, and may sometimes result in rapes...which we hear on TVs and read in newspapers often in India.
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On Mar 12, 2018 This has almost become an India bashing session; taking rejection is never easy in any part of the world. The west too has its episodes of revenge crimes due to rejection in fact poor gun control makes it bad there. Yes Ego makes rejection very tough to handle. However the world of gays works differently from the straight world. Most people here look up for quickies and hook ups. If you check various threads on Ohmojo it's all about opportunities to get laid. Straight world looks for long term relationships while getting laid is also one of the factor. Also straight world is supported by the society and is well organised with various hook up sites and matrimonial websites. If we look for only hook ups it's based on looks only each one seeks a partner better looking. We do not look for friends in fact the gay people have a separate world for friends and family and a separate world for hook ups. This makes rejection a lot more common here. Most of them do not want to share their photo but are always interested in looking at others pic. I find that odd. Everyone is looking for hunks with well chiseled face and body. It is true that the best se x usually happens with someone who has great bedroom skills and not someone who is awefully good looking. Getting used to rejection comes with the territory while it may hurt we only have to get used to it and move on.
No Picture 265292	Posted On Mar 12, 2018 @exotic: very well said. Here some people give false promises and all of a sudden they vanish, when asked they pretend to be so nice that they are some greek god. Just for the sake of posting comments they behave so well but in reality they are opposite. Nobody is perfect including me but why do some people carry their attitude on their heads!!
No Picture Adventure-guy	Posted On Mar 12, 2018 Ok, just to clarify, the message was not intended to be "India bashing". You are right, "NO" is a word something people around the world do not like to hear. My only concern was, can someone resort to violence/unruly behavior if he/she hears a "NO". The only point that I wanted to convey is that when I hear a "No", I need to respect that answer/response.
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 12, 2018 It's about how people handle a "NO".. unfortunately people take the "No" way too serious .. I once heard a speech by Orator Bharathi Bhaskar on how people must be taught to handle a "no" right from childhood.. She says a child must be used to the word 'No' right from the third month.. By doing this parents prepare the kids for handling no and rejection in future when they enter adulthood..
No Picture 273112	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 Talk to me about rejections! I got rejected because I don't look 'local' and I'm too fair millions of times. And yet I'm still cruising hunting like it's the last meal I'd ever get!
No Picture Sasmathu	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 Happened to me many times. But it is just that I am not too bothered about it. In the Indian scenario rejection happens mainly because of two reasons- looks and age. If you are not good looking or aged or worst, a combination of both you are sure to be rejected. The main reason here is, as somebody mentioned, the prime objective of cruising is ***. Indian gays should first understand that there is life after *** and being gay is just not about getting laid down. Now coming back to rejection, it also depends upon how a NO is said. I agree the fact that a NO is a NO. But then there are ways to say that and more importantly their is something called basic courtesy, etiquette etc. Once I chatted with a guy and decided to meet him in mount station after which, if interested we would proceed to his house for fun. Those where days where there was no facility of exchanging pics. I went all the way from tambaram. The guy after seeing me just switched-off the cell. I agree the fact that he is no way obliged to have *** with me for the simple reason I cam all the way from tambaram. But atleast, from the courtesy side, he could have come to me spoken few words and could have left. I am neither going to chase him nor *** him. It is this kind of attitude which makes rejection unacceptable. Coming back to the story, i patiently waited for 4 months till he deleted my cell no. Then called him again with a fake name and this time I asked him to come to tambaram and once I saw him in the station just switched off the mobile. Call it tit-for-tat but then those idiots have to be thought the lesson in their own language....
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 @sasmathu - I found the revenge bit funny yeah sometimes it's ok to teach people lesson like that but there is no guarantee they will learn from it. I can imagine it can be offending to travel all the way and get ditched. I think the guy was probably too scared to tell you that he is not into you. Also he might have probably thought it might be rude and you might get upset and start shouting at him. As Indians we are raised from our childhood never to be direct and its even worse in the south of India. At work I see it all the time, there are people who will take on work despite the fact that they have the plate full; dont deliver and then come back with excuses simply because they feel saying NO is rude. Also people here equate being direct = being rude so it's better to be vague or if you don't answer or respond even better so I think it's more of a cultural thing. While Rejections *** and they hit our ego but it's a part of life. In the gay world rejections are based only on looks and trust me the standards are very high. Everyone in the gayworld wants to make out with a Tom Cruise or Arvind Swamy or Siddharth Malhotra look alike without realising that even Arvind Swamy wants a Arvind Swamy look alike which means more often than not no one gets anyone 😀. The best s ex I have ever had is from people who were not great lookers but had amazing bedroom skills. A few things I do not like about the online world is guys who ask for your pics but disappear right after you sent them. There are some who get abusive if you reject them and start using cuss words until you block them. There are some who use their pics from 20 years back so when you meet them you see a totally different person. There are some who are in it for money so they will start the conversation and then ask for money. It's a mad mad world out there 🙄
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 @ugly duckling - you got rejected for being fair that's surprising coz most people drool over fair complexion in this part of the world. I have seen so many men and women here use the term "semma colour" as if "fair skin"=beauty. However why the name UGLY DUCKLING may be if you change your name to THE BEAUTIFUL SWAN you might be in better luck 😂
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 @sasmathu - my god you held a revenge for so many months ? But what if the guy didn't get the inkling if it was you who took revenge on him fair and square ? Anyways atleast I did give you a satisfAction.. ;) @ugly_duckling - That reason of yours really sounds surprising. I saw many prefer a fairer skin as it is a mindset here that fair is beautiful but you say million times you were rejected ? I once had a weird reason for rejection. Guess what ? He said he wanted a xxl *** and so he rejected me.. Though I replied.. " Fine .. Happy hunting".. I still think what's in the size ? I
No Picture Mahesh80	Posted On Mar 15, 2018 @sasmuthu..u always narrate the events in an interesting manner without any inhibitions, like an adept short story writer; well done! @exotic..u have a good sociological & cultural perspective on many topics discussed here, bravo to you as well... I am reminded of the words of the famous Tamil writer Jeyakantan, he writes in one of his works "since my childhood days i never went after things or people, but i always received the best of the both" the same point is stressed by few other renowned thinkers as well..in life, when we seek we may get what we want..but when we contentedly don't seek we get much better things or people in our life, which even by active seeking we wouldn't be getting..but its easier said than done. Moreover, in a long term perspective, I don't think looks alone matters in attracting people..how we carry ourselves is more important than the looks. If looks alone mattered then one average looking actor wouldn't have made it as a superstar in our state. I ve seen instances of average looking guys even in their 60's & 70's attracting young beautiful partners into their lives, mainly by their inner charisma and the way they carried themselves..of course i accept the fact that for short term hook ups, the age & looks are the main criteria...
No Picture Ragu for fun	Posted On Mar 16, 2018 every one here would have faced rejection atleast once...and its always hard as it does affect the confidence of a person...after reading the revenge story of Sasmathu, i remember my age old revenge where i had to create white males email id to get the photo of a person who didnt respond/share his pic after he say mine...this happened when i was in Malaysia...but as Exotic11234 was saying abt Indians, this guys was of Indian origin. And in another incidence in blore (actually i liked this rejection) there was this guy who was chatting with me in PR (in those days it was g4m) and was staying far from my place....he wanted to meet me and i wasnt much interested...so i was telling him that i can b pretty brutal and reject him if i dont like him and that i wont share my face pic etc....he said he was ok with it all and was willing to travel just to meet me...i said ok nd he came to my area....he asked me whether i liked him...even though i wsnt into him i said i was ok (as he had traveled long to see me) but then he said he didnt like me.......i ws like 'dude awesome, now i really like u' types....i started admiring him for saying that (and he was ready to travel all the way to reject me on my face....) i can never forget that day....
No Picture 273112	Posted On Mar 16, 2018 @Exotic1234 lol thanks for the suggestion. But it is true. I look like someone from the north east though I'm a south indian. Inoffensive get stereotyped for the same. And many a times I get rejected because I'm "not dark". Sometimes there's a shocking emoji as a reply to my pic. I was offended at first but I find it amusing now. It's a twisted tale. What can I say! @Valentine84 yeah. I also got to understand the mindset. India is a diverse country and people of a region prefer to be with guys who look like the local people. I guess it's just the way I look.
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On Mar 16, 2018 @Mahesh - Thanks for your compliment always a pleasure to share our views in a forum of like minded people and topics that are relevant to our lives. @ugly duckling - Well now that you tell me you look like someone from North East I can understand now, unfortunately the North Easterners are the most discriminated lot in our country. I remember while in college in Delhi there were lot of North East and they used to be called "chinkies" a derogatory term since they look like Chinese. Another eg of how poor tolerance our country has to looks that are different. Up north they also have a bias against dark skin for them anyone from the south of India is dark intelligent and simple. As human beings we all probably have likes and dislikes I personally have not been attracted much to North Easterners however they make awesome bottoms (atleast my experience). I wide range of likes from the rustic dark south indian guys (mostly Madurai comes to my mind) to Jats and Kashmiri guys from up North. I also envy people who have s ex without any inhibitions. Someone who let's himself free and enjoys the act. Personally for me having grown up in a orthodox conservative settings my ability to enjoy the act completely is a bit limited. I like what Mahesh has mentioned destiny also has a role to play on whom we attract into our lives. If we seek actively we might not get it but when we are not looking we might find someone
No Picture 273112	Posted On Mar 16, 2018 @Exotic1234 I understand what you say. To have *** without inhibitions is it indeed a great experience. I personally see it as a process of elimination through natural selection. After all rthe rejections, the ones I actually found were indeed the best in my opinion. One part of me feels content. Another part however becomes indignant.
No Picture Sasmathu	Posted On Mar 18, 2018 @Valentine84 The revenge was not for rejection. AS I have mentioned I have been used to rejections and have also rejected few. The revenge is for it was handled. There is something called etiquette which was not maintained. If I would have been in his position I would have just walked towards him and would have said "sorry dude unexpectedly my friend has arrived and there is no place. will meet up at some other time". Thats it. Even after this if the other person doesnt understands then it is a different story all together.
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 18, 2018 @sasmathu - chill I didn't mean you shouldn't have taken any revenge., In my previous post too, I said that if that gave u a satisfaction then let go.. I was asking how come you were holding that grudge for so many months to nail him fair and square..
No Picture Sasmathu	Posted On Mar 18, 2018 Sure dude. I am cool. Was just explaining.
No Picture Wanderer2017	Posted On Mar 24, 2018 @valentine : I agree with you totally.. this is one of the main concern in the Indian gay community. When people are being rejected, they start having an inferior mind set and then they start to please in all possible ways to accept that. To my opinion, people should never beg or get love/*** out of sympathy created and also that *** is not mere social service here.
No Picture Smartguy99	Posted On Mar 25, 2018 Even me too avoided by few friends in public places like mall, office campus. They will chat privately but not ready to say hi. It's painful.
No Picture Pandi1980	Posted On Mar 30, 2018 Here I would like to point some people's mind set.I only like people mature in their minds and actions.I don't care about rejections of unknown persons but it hurts when people who behaves good at first (pretended in name of friendship) and after few meets (sometimes if we don't get chance to meet) they start to avoid... I am little sensible to my close circle (my personal or inherent nature) By god's grace, I have few good friends (had fun only once and still in touch ; didn't even meet but continuously Chatting without hesitation) But some people start to message at first, then it will go smooth.Due to some circumstances, I can't reply for a single message.Then they will message like u r too busy not replying me.I feel guilty as if they are genuine.Once we shared pic,some may reject...I will accept that kind of people..There are few people who still wants us to believe that they are genuine...in real,they don't want to meet (after seeing pic or shared about our likes) but they still want to cover them with that good man name That kind of guys reply, I really like u but I don't get time to msg u...My qns to that guys, then how did u get time to message before we shared pic ? U r online then telling that you r busy ? People may immediately reply, they don't want to hurt me by saying that they reject me (directly) so they are avoiding indirectly My qn is then y u guys are telling that I like to have Friendship without knowing the meaning of friendship...the real fact is that they still want us to believe that they are good I am happy with what God has given to me... but my request is pls don't cheat in name of friendship..Be open and frank. Don't drag with Ur reply just to make others to believe that u r good but u r not in real
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On Mar 30, 2018 @Pandi - First of all there is no friendship at first instance. What happens initially is just an infactuation or lust or a mere likeness or (on a *** day) even a mere potential to be a ONS.. Frienship or love is a mutual feeling which takes its own time to mature .. So when a person says I seek for friendship I don't really believe in seeking friendship.. It should happen on its own rather than seeking.. Next people move on because of various factors like work, family issues, lack of time and so on.. Very rarely we could re-ignite the passion we once had before for a friend.. Same holds for our friends in straight life too.. Can you bet all of your best buddies in school/college behave the same till date ? Atleast post marriage most guys have their own issues and these days most of friends in school/college mates are mere bar buddies off and on when their respective spouses are out of town.. If that's the case even with straight life friends you can only expect far less from a discreet friend in a gay hook up site.. As for the '"Good guy" image is something everyone maintains atleast for the sake of not hurting some one .. To sum up, if a person really likes you he will definitely comeback to you.. There is no point in expecting anything by command or demand..
No Picture HAHA	Posted On May 16, 2022 I was rejected many times due to my age
No Picture Sundarmduguy	Posted On May 16, 2022 Rejection is very emotional for most of Indian guys because we are wired like that. When I was in west people don’t take rejection as big thing when it is for hook up but if you are talking about relationships which I would say like when you are hooking up with someone but if they want to make this as a relationship and you reject saying you are not looking for that but it is very tricky in any culture
No Picture US2Chennai	Posted On May 16, 2022 rejections are part and parcel of life. People like me who have taken rejections and have rejected someone are very realistic and mature. I have been rejected as well as I have rejected. I think I'm now used to it and I don't take it as heavily as it was initially. I feel pity for ppl who have not experienced rejections as it will strike them really hard when it happens. It has become habitual for me that I move on saying "afterall there are way too many mens around the world to hunt upon and pacify myself saying its all white skelton that is lying behind every skin" cheers !
No Picture Pratikku	Posted On May 16, 2022 I'm 31. But I got rejected many times because some people think that my age is 35 or more but I lied to them. I assume that it's because of moustache. 😂😂
No Picture hugeboy	Posted On May 17, 2022 I have got rejected many times because I am chubby
No Picture Biguy007	Posted On May 17, 2022 Lately I'm hearing a lot about rejections. Thought of sharing a recent experience with someone whom I chatted with on gr app. My profile in gr clearly states what I am and what I'm looking for n expecting from someone , let's call this person Mr.X who pinged me n started a conversation. He exchanged some basic pleasantries n then said I'm a bottom n i know definitely u won't like me. I said I haven't even seen u or met u how do u think I'll not like u. He said he was 34, chubby bottom n married n no one liked him n it made him so insecure n depressed. I said definitely everyone age, n not everyone can be models or have a perfect chiselled body as in movies not can be models. Most of the bi guys here are married. He immediately shared his pic n I didn't find anything ugly or unsightly about him. He was just like any other normal next door person. I felt bad for what he went through. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but beauty never remains the same. Yes i know everybody have their own preferences. When I read about this post thought I will share.
No Picture ToBeFreeinLyf	Posted On May 17, 2022 I've come across a lot of insecure ones in Grindr. As much as I'd like to not add a face to it, I've come across a lot of older bottoms who came across as quite insecure. It's sad that the general populace has a clear definition of what a bottom should be like and are not open to letting their experiences paint the picture instead. Be wary though. I've had a few try to use their insecurity to gas light you into meeting them. Block them off if you find these.
No Picture Stopgap	Posted On May 17, 2022 For starters, Grindr has made me a very cynical & untrusting person. After being ghosted, catfished & been told that my pics are being used in an area 14kms away from me. I don't share pics anymore. I'm pretty clear about that from the onset. People can't be crass to your face, they can only do that behind the safe confines of anonymity. So these days it's back to the old days with me, meet directly, if we get along we proceed from there, if not, we shake hands like mature, consenting adults & move on.
prayag_bottom	Posted On May 17, 2022 I prefer Tinder over Grindr or other Gay dating sites/apps. On tinder users can chat only if both like each other. Whereas on Gr I frequently face people who get really angry if they're rejected and use foul language although I always try to be polite with everybody.
No Picture Bins	Posted On May 18, 2022 Rejections - as somebody posted earlier, it's a problem with our egoistic mentality. I am a bottom, and I often find tops unable to accept rejections. The general mentality I've come across is that the top always demands. Maybe due to the patriarchal society that we live in. Tops never take "No" for an answer. Have often received abusive messages from tops, who consider their tool an asset. All they need is a hole to bang on!
No Picture Lips4hugepoles	Posted On May 18, 2022 @bins. Honestly I can't recall instances of tops not accepting rejection. I've turned down a few, and purely because of a preference mismatch. A few cheeky remarks here and there, but that's to the extent of the reaction I get. You probably have been unlucky or possibly you unknowingly are provocating them?
No Picture Lips4hugepoles	Posted On May 18, 2022 Or maybe it could be a difference in guys on different platforms. On ohmojo.com, planetromeo, locanto n grindr, I've really had no issues
No Picture Sardartop33	Posted On May 20, 2022 I have been rejected coz I am a sardar ... It's a shame that d thing u love d most Is a cause of ur rejection amongst ppl who r similar to you.....
No Picture vihit2345	Posted On May 20, 2022 @sardartop33 just because you mentioned it, is sucks that people rejected you because you are a sardar! But I see some profile names where certain things are specified like “SmoothBottom”.. does it mean that they are putting themselves in a favourable bucket? Where they want to be treated differently because they are smooth or a certain ethnicity etc. Anyone rejecting you for who you are is anyways not worth your time (this applies in the broader theme of this thread, rejections are hard but wasting time on someone who is not into you is even worse). Rejections get easier if you imagine the last time you were not interested in someone and how you handled that situation of rejecting them (: of course this advice does not work if you have never rejected anyone before :)
No Picture Sardartop33	Posted On May 20, 2022 @vihit2345... I totally agree with u and i appreciate it point of view.. bt i just mentioned my feelings just to show how superfluous some ppl can b... Having said so .. i have met some amazing guys those who have accepted my religious identity and instilled confidence in me that in this world there r both good and bad ppl...
No Picture rishi_20004	Posted On May 21, 2022 just one thing i wud like to add is that one should not take rejection to heart....everyone has their own preferences in what they looking for...some guys find slim guys attractive while other find chubby attractive some like old some young some hairy some smooth so its but natural if u meet someone who is looking for someone and he does not find you of their choice then its but obviout they will reject...
No Picture SHANTANUnu	Posted On May 21, 2022 First i rejected bcoz on dat time i dont keep mush😃 2time rejected bcoz i am not typically traditional middle age man looking i mean generally after 40years usually men grows with tummy I love to maintain myself at the age of 60 bcoz i love myself, i am leading my single life(had cancer)happily. Now i do dating with young guys those are obsessed on uncles. So no rejection
No Picture SHANTANUnu	Posted On May 21, 2022 Another important things U should write ur profile with all details abt yourself. Some times people knock without reading others profile. I am 60years, so guys used ask me is my tool arose or not, this typical idiotic questions Some used to ask how long u can ***, i reply i dont keep watching time while doing ***, its such unscientific question. I reply always properly to all this silly question. Most of time i rejected if they ask this kind silly question
No Picture Curiousboy92	Posted On May 21, 2022 It happens often in Grinder Because of my slim body many rejects.. At the same time many get mad over my slim hairless body..initially ot eaa hurting when someone rejects me... Now I understood it depends in person to person..now I dont care if someone blocks me.there are many people who loves me😁 After getting hurt I never blocked if I dont like someone.. In a sodt manner I refuses and move on