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Being teased for mannerisms, body shaming


Submitted by fifty * Location: All India (All India, India)

As a child I was very thin, almost underweight. Never exercised or played sports except badminton.

I was attracted to boys and men, but didnt know it was sexuality. I am talking of preinternet days. In those days we used to attain puberty at the age of 14-15. Boys had started talking about *** etc when we were in 9th and 10th. Somehow the discussions were never about girls.

I remember once a boy senior to me by one year just stopped me during recess and asked, will you marry me. I replied, maybe in next life. I was too ignorant to understand what he meant and why asked this to me.

I was a scholar and when I went to college was of the studious type though not always among toppers like in school. Used to take part in extracurricular activities like elocution, etc. Again I was very thin but was gaining bit of fat at the right or wrong places .

When I was in a degree college , one boy from another division who used to stay in the same suburb as me used to tease me about my walk and how sexy I was. Now I realise he would do it when nobody would be around. I didnt like this and used to ignore him.

I had very few friends in college. When I was in my last year, our class played fishpond . I didnt attend but the fishponds for me were later handed over to me. One of which referred to my body and mannerisms. I never thought that I was female like, or had not been called openly so. The boy who wrote it was also a scholar , a topper. I used to write poems and was part of the literary association and my poems were read by many professors. This guy had also read it. Two -three poems were love poems with no mention of gender, but it could be inferred that they were addressed to a male lover.

My best friend in college was also thin and had almost similar mannerisms as me and also a scholar , but bold and extrovert. Many years later I found out that he is bi. He had not received any such fishponds.

Through him I came to know that the guy who wrote the fishponds teasing me was insisting on including those in the annual day celebration but a professor put her foot down and refused it. This very lady professor used to encourage and guide me in writing and reading literature. Nevertheless I attended the annual day celebration (for the first time in five years) and had prepared a retort for that fishpond.

Though I was shy, kept aloof from most , I would always give back during any confrontation. I felt bit angry and awkward on receiving those fishponds and knowing that the whole class had heard it. But didnt let my demeanour change Fortunately there was no name calling or anything as our college had mostly decent , sanskari crowd and ours was A division of the most studious students. Also me being a scholar and known to professors might have helped.

After so many years, I recalled this incident and realised now that those 3-4 guys might be latent homophobic. Felt like sharing it.

Anybody had similar experiences?

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Displaying 51 to 63 of 63 comments.
Previous comments: 1  2  

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Cva
Posted On Jan 29, 2022 - 04:50 PM

Everything has 2 sides I had a very bad school time due to effeminate mannerisms and feminine voice I literally had no friends college life followed suit so I spent more on books and became less gregarious and more introvert this helped me to clear staff selection commission xam @ 19 years of age and followed by Union public service commission xam and get comfortably settled. Life throws challenges upon us it’s our resolve to change to positively

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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 29, 2022 - 04:58 PM

There are akways two aspects to things like these.
One is personal but other being general.

It is lucky that some of us are able to overcome challenges thrown at us. But what about those who have been damaged irreversibly.

Question is not how we overcome . Question is why it should happen in first place and how it can be prevented for subsequent generations. I don't think we should take School bullying or any other kind of abuse , harrasment lightly and simply try to put an end to conversation by saying " I managed to overcome it ...so others should too " .

Just as 'Ragging' is being curbed , bullying also ought to be.


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Bliss0909
Posted On Jan 29, 2022 - 06:45 PM

Um.. yea i agree.. i mean we haven't done anything wrong right so why do we deserve that kind of treatment.. school and college bullying is really a big problem like no matter how progressive and open people become but still they just can't or maybe don't wanna accept the difference... Opening up starts looking like our own mistake.... And we just end up with a twisted personality which is really hard to fix

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Kkunal001
Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 05:40 AM

It’s unfortunate how so many go through very similar childhood bullying experiences.
Bullies will never realize the irreparable damage they cause. One only learns to forgive and handle better, one never forgets.m the trauma, paim and humiliation.
Not to mention the effort it takes to overcome the past experiences and not let it affect your present.
Hope things get only better for the society with every passing day.


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DrGoogle
Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 06:41 AM

Childhood bullying/ teasing / humiliation has very long lasting damaging effects. Subsequent generations should have better social atmosphere in schools and elsewhere to allow blossoming of their personhood.

To prevent continuation of Bullying please carry on these conversations. Those who are in teaching field have a bigger role to play.
Those who have kids or young family members should do their best to protect the innocents.

In farming every possible measure is taken to protect crops from weeds , pests, insects and even excess of elements. Why then we should not do our best to protect younger generations ?

No child whether ( LGBTQIA member or otherwise ) whatever his /her /their physical or mental attributes be , should have to face such abuse !

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Versatile504
Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 07:16 AM

I had to face such issues. Once my supposed friends tore off my clothes and made me nice and cheered. I have stopped interacting with such toxic people. But it’s more of a social problem I feel. Todays youngsters seem to be more accommodating ..

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Abhiggyan
Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 10:06 AM

Bullying ruined my studies. Nowadays I notice if a boy is little girlish, people around him don't take much time to label him as a gay. It is dangerous also. The child might fall prey to perverts.

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Bliss0909
Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 10:47 AM

@Abhiggyan yea... Ikr, it happens so much!! People just assume stuff n start blabbering.. i mean haven't they heard of metrosexual people?? and even if someone is gay who the hell gave them the right to judge us and talk shi* about us.. sometimes it feels as if it's their own insecurities transformed into hate for us.. i mean they have to be specifically looking for the "traits" to "categorise" us.. and make fun of us.. i bet they are all frustrated virgins who have nothing better to do

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Jaysan
Posted On Jan 31, 2022 - 03:15 PM

This is the sole reason I hate my school days and all my school mates. I don't consider any from my school as friends and I'm not in touch with any of them and didn't encourage any getting in touch either. I was teased and bullied by the so called manly guys at school. Over the years I had become an introvert who literally never spoke to anyone in class when I was in my 11th and 12th. When I stepped into college, I was scared as I was put in a residential college and had made up my mind that I should ignore all of that if it would happen again. But things changed upside down.. People around me, though noticed my behavior being effeminate, showered lots of love on me as I was equally childish and naive. Thankfully, most of them became too protective about me and took care of me like a kid when I was in my graduation years. Few jerks did laugh at me at times but I was way too ahead to mind all of those as I clearly understood that it's all about how you are taught to respect people regardless of whatever and ignored them though it annoyed me a lot. I excelled in studies and other events at college and professors were fond of me. I had a good time back at college. Over the years, I did overcome that effeminate behavior to an extent but it does come back at times 😅. but I didn't had to go through the same ordeal again in the graduation days. All that was lost in my school days came back to me during my graduation days! ❤

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Dombot26
Posted On Aug 3, 2022 - 04:58 AM

I was a witness to this sort of body shaming teasing incident , it was 3 or 4 years ago , I was meeting a sub who had been into cd but could never explore it because of fear and no guidance , he needed a push . He was around 24 I think. So as his dom , I had to order him to buy the dresses , lingerie ,makeup , wigs , heels etc , we.had a session planned , I was already in the room he had booked , but he had to get a pedicure, so he was late . I went down to the lobby to pick him up , he was slim and a very fair smooth guy . He was wearing a pink t-shirt which was looking beautiful on him. We were getting into the lifts when three other guys got in . All were drunk ,but one particular guy in that group started to call my sub chikna and started to trade him and body shame him , I couldn't believe what was happening , my sub just bent his head and moved towards me . Then I stepped in and later few words were exchanged , his friends tried to shut him up , and were asking sorry from the start , later when their floor arrived the 2 guys shut their friends *** , other guests in that floor were watching, later told them to apologize to my partner , all three did and went to their room .
As we entered into the room , my sub just hugged me and started to cry , he cried for nearly 10 min , he said he was always been facing this because of his looks , and no one had stood up for him .
I asked why he never said anything to those guys , he said he was scared and always scared to speak up .
Later that day he had a whole CD session , he was so happy that he could finally be what he feels like.
He said he would never forget that day .
Guys plz stand up for yourself , and if you see someone else being teased , stand up for them too .
There is nothing wrong in who you are.

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SalmanDear
Posted On Aug 3, 2022 - 11:12 AM

@Dombot26 - Appreciate your protective behavior

@Jaysan - You are right. The bottoms are very easy to target in early childhood. One may be just coming to know about his orientation and at the same time, he may realize that he is not like other guys who are in majority. Since the bottom gays will not enjoy looking at gals or chats involving gals, the feeling of "being different" emerges resulting in loneliness. The worse is "feminine" nature which may be in the way person speaks and walks adds to another easy target for others to make fun.

In may school time i have seen some guys very feminine and so called "class monitor" literally taking those guys on last benh to physically abuse....Even today if you see some feminine guy in public place be it bus, train or mall, you will definitely see few laughing at them. The abuse may not be verbal or physical but there always a message that "you are inferior being feminine man". How any of the God's creation be inferior? But this intolerance is always there. Very few place, you will see the actual sympathy for this minority class of feminine guys

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Daniel100
Posted On Aug 3, 2022 - 11:58 AM

I would like to say just one thing... Keep you ego low :)

Always be a happy go lucky guy... Try to take things jokingly.... If someone teases you laugh it off and in return tease him/her :P

I have been fat few years ago and people used to make fun of me but then I started to make fun of them too :P

Now they can't utter a single word about me....

My friends think I'm gay and they try to make fun of... In return I tell them... when your wife gets pregnant by me then don't blame me ;)

Remember, if people tease you DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY... people will come say and go... don't know why one should care about it as well

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SalmanDear
Posted On Aug 4, 2022 - 05:36 AM

@Daniel100

Nice inputs. But we need to remember one thing is there is thin line between ego and self esteem. As you rightly pointed out, you could handle the manner with return joke or ignoring the people. But some people get hurt not because they have ego but deep down there self esteem and self worth is hurt.

I have seen personally people where there parents and siblings have asked their son or brother to work on their mannerism which looks feminine.

Still the best policy is to ignore and go ahead in life.............

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