Handsome is as Handsome Does !!

You would have heard of the famous proverb in the subject line which essentially hints that the real handsomeness is what’s inside of us and not the mere physical looks. Yet the reality in the gay world is different. The unanimous feedback from the users of the hook up apps like Grindr or Tinder from across the world is common - Too many rejections and too much hurry to just fu ck and forget.

I wonder if our rush to move from one good looking guy to another is because we are always in a hurry to rush back to our straight world. We probably see being in the gay world as a temporary escape, a paranthesis. If this is the case will gay men ever find time to make friends and will the gay friendships ever weather the test of time? Do you have a gay friend in your life who has stayed as friends for life despite being married or committed to someone else. Possible?

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Displaying 1 to 22 of 22 comments.
No Picture Omlette	Posted On May 1, 2018 As in case of mine I have 1 or 2 friends who are married but are still in touch with me. But I also saw many of my friends departed in few months after they got married. The surprise in my life is I am still in touch with many unmarried eligible bachelor friends.
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On May 1, 2018 Well.. In a perspective .. Is that only handsome move from one partner to other in a rush..? I bet not.. Indian gay men as such are the most promiscuous of the lot .. So barring the tag 'handsome', gay men as such philander every now and then.. I agree most men have treated me as their dark secret .. A parenthesis - which they use only when there is a need.. Even my bestie is no exception in this case which is the main reason for the fights I have with him off and on.. But I could say I have made a few platonic gay friends too and our friendship spans close to 8 years (we never had *** till date). And there is a friend of mine whom I have hit the bed over 50 times, what started as a NSA hook up before 5 years is now a good frienship over the time.. A few of my gay mates have introduced me to their families and even to their straight and professional friend circles. I think the bottom line when it comes to gay relationship/friendship is "WHAT YOU SOW IS WHAT YOU REAP" but don't expect too much of returns since you are not sowing all your seeds amongst fertile lands... Some end up in rocks, some end up amongst weeds , some are even gone with the wind.. That was an analogy which I lifted from bible.. But it holds true to this context..
No Picture tonedbloke	Posted On May 1, 2018 Even I wonder. Does our eternal search for *** and new encounters ever end? We are always scanning the horizon for what good is available for fun. Why? I ask myself that question many times. I have a perfect partner who satisfies me in all aspect but I am still searching for something new. I dont believe it is just the looks. It is also the mystery of the unknown. You never know what the next person may have to offer.
No Picture 279743	Posted On May 1, 2018 Beauty is skin deep! May or might not resonate with a lot of us ! Just not gay world it's true in the straight world too! Hot bodies sell like pancakes! And it's a common phenomenon across the world! Having been in a university town this so much applies. People reject you left right and center if ur from another race or a person of color. You need to have Greek God bodies! And brains and brawns rarely go hand in hand. And most of these guys rarely have a stable life and can't pick up after themselves. I think @exotic you have written this from a bisexual point of view! People want to run into reality ASAP! *** is available at the snap of your finger these days and not love. Even people who date good looking people would leave them for another better looking person! It is always good to have friends with whom you need not wear a mask! I have had a few good ones ! Both platonic and NSA! Sometimes we have become friends beyond bed and at times to a point where we are friends. I would strongly recommend you to watch Amy Schumer's I FEEL PRETTY. Such a morale booster who think that their physical beauty is bottleneck! I know it pulls you down and shatters even the little confidence you have! I have gone through it inspite of majority of people calling me cute! Till date I can never go to a club and pick up someone! I'm not worried about it! Body shaming and the notion of beauty thrusted upon us is to blame! Beauty is not just how the person looks it is something more deep and it lies in the soul. And finally beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
No Picture 263363	Posted On May 1, 2018 Really a beautiful post indeed. My life Is a great lesson for me n hope it will be for others too. It all began as an abuse, addiction n *** was purely lust in the beginning for me. Through *** all I was seeking is attention from someone which I didn't get in my house or from my family. The attention I sought from those who enjoyed my body was an addiction. In early years of being into gaysex I threw myself out there to be used by men of all ages. Until I started meeting some real men who showed me the difference between lust n love n how beauty of the external body blinds one n prevents them to look deep within. I started to see things differently n got away from that addiction, made better friends with whom even till now I have not had *** with but remain best friends. No offence to anyone here, all I could see is lust in most of the eyes but love only in very few. Earlier in ohmojo when I first created a profile, for few months I didn't put my profile pic or anything. There were hardly any clicks or chats. Only after sharing my pics people started noticing me n even started following my threads n comments. But few best souls started to follow me for my posts, my attitude, my write up on my profile n way I interacted with them n not for my body or ***. I really salute n respect those great souls. You guys know who I am talking about. I know still there are guys who see the brains n not just the beauty. I want a friend who sees the heart, mind n not the body. I have done in the past which I regret, but I have learnt my lesson. But still many are seeking pleasure alone here, I don't know how many of those guys will vanish after one night stand. What if I didn't have this beautiful body n just the best attitude will I ever be accepted. Thatswhy I prefer chatting with people who don't have a profile image but yet sensible in their conversation. Kindly pardon me if I hurt anyone's feelings here. Or if I had erred in my words. Consider me your pal and correct me.I am not perfect still long way to go to be a good person
No Picture Ragu for fun	Posted On May 1, 2018 Wow haven’t seen Gayspark this senti....demons of the past haunt strong....from my stand point *** is skin deep and it is the feel that ‘I can have anyone’ that makes ppl keep hunting so much....well it used to b that for me back then and partially now but I can tell a gold mine now when I c it....and yes these gold mines r rare....very rare
No Picture Ragu for fun	Posted On May 1, 2018 Well my above post on “I can have anyone” is a little exaggerated but there is some truth to it....ppl who r into seduction can understand that
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On May 1, 2018 @ valentine - I like the way you put out the last line from the Bible about the seeds at different places give different results. I have read your views on various other posts and totally love the way you express your feelings without holding back, it would be sad if you believe someone you love will view you as a ‘dark secret’ unless the feeling is mutual. Or maybe I find the word ‘dark secret’ a bit too strong. A bit of hesitation happens because no one wants to topple the Apple Cart. You definitely look like someone who people would be “PROUD” to count as a friend.
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On May 1, 2018 @tonedbloke - We have had some exchanges before, may be you need to introspect. If you find your relationship with your partner is unfulfilling may be you need a temporary break from it. You would have heard this famous proverb “familiarity breeds contempt”, may be a small break from each other will bring you better clarity. I love solo trips because it totally clears my mind and unclutters my life. After each trip I come back energised and decide how I can make each relationship in my life more meaningful and which ones need to be axed for good so I can move on.
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On May 1, 2018 @ neelsachet - ‘I Feel Pretty’ is on my list of movies to watch out for unfortunately it’s not out in India yet. Anyway the corporate world is a great teacher as you spend a major part of your day at work. My attitude in life is largely inspired From ‘Jab We Met’ - “Main Apna Favourite Hoon” so I only feel momentarily bad when someone puts me down. But I later pick up my threads and move on because only me and people close to me know the real me and they love me for the way I am. It really does not matter if someone from Grindr or some random site does not like me. My self esteem does not come from his rejection it comes from all the things I have achieved and am immensely proud of. It comes from people who I love and whose views matter to me. May be with time and age you will learn too.
No Picture Valentine84	Posted On May 1, 2018 @exotic - thanks. Appreciate and am humbled.. Coming to the "dark secret" phrase.. Somehow most of the gaymen avoid a fellow gayman's call as if they are gonna talk only ***.. Say an instance when I have been to a remote place which I know is a native of some gay friend, I just called on to check with him about the bus connectivity since I was new to that place but the person snubbed my call with a text message .. In such instances I feel that I have been nothing but a "dark secret" of such people.. The same person who have said all cajoling words while at bed but once they return to their straight life I am "dark secret" who is wished to be forgotten for good. With my bestie it's even more complex since his lack of openness makes things worser for me.. Though I have assured him a lot of times I don't mind his philandering as long as he is open about it..
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On May 1, 2018 @gayspark - What a revelation, it’s nice to see your candid views of late and totally respect your opinion. Until recent past (before I read different views on OHMOJO) i never had anyone who was gay and a friend. I would only hook up anonymously. It’s only after reading opinions and views on this site that I have come to believe that it is possible to have friends who are gay but NOT hook up mates. I also learnt you can converse with them about things that you can never ever speak to your straight friends . I don’t meet from OMOJO because hook up is not on my agenda. All I look for is meaningful exchange of views /opinions which I admire. I get a lot of messages where the intention is clearly a ‘quickie’ and I don’t respond to those messages. The choice at the end is ours. I have to admit the first time I took notice of your pics was only after I saw remarks admiring your posterior 😀 and some posts where you have mentioned vaguely about your physique. You definitely look like the kind of person who is a lot more than just a great body. Someone who is spiritual and simple. Am sure we will connect well when the right time comes.
No Picture Exotic1234	Posted On May 1, 2018 @ragu - I don’t think your statement is an exaggeration because you know I understand 😀🤭. There is no game better than the game of seduction.
No Picture Guru005	Posted On May 2, 2018 @gayspark, I understand how past instances shape our outlook. Reading the book Alchemist, trust one person and get a sting and we never trust anyone else in life. But is it fair? Are not every individual different from each other? Why do we cocoon ourselves and assume that everyone is behind lust and one night stand. How many have you interacted with to understand the motive behind and then take a step behind? I guess a lot of us blindly stay away and be judgemental and avoid from the beginning and that's how a few valuable ones are also lost, by our mere perceptions. Do we give a benefit of doubt and at least try to find before judging? If not, the one who's judging is at fault. @ fans of gayspark, don't abuse me with your responses, just a question for all of us to ponder.
No Picture tonedbloke	Posted On May 3, 2018 What is the harm in pursuing lust? We need to separate in our mind the difference between lust and love. Most of our feelings of being cheated arise from misjudging other persons lust for love. Enjoy the moment and in case there is a mutual spark for something more, then move towards more deeper feelings. My flings with other men are purely out of lust and there is no emotional connect with any of them. The feelings are reserved only for my partner and the *** is the best with him. Rest of the encounters are purely physical and I keep the play at only pelvic level.
rogertoni22	Posted On May 3, 2018 @ tonedbloke : Beautiful!!!!...I second you... calling a spade a spade. If physical urge is there wats wrong in quenching it. If relationship happens post or pre *** well and good. if it doesnt, not to worry. Afterall , if friendship has to happen, it will happen on the go and definitely wouldnt be premeditated. Been there , done that... and you guys are no less experienced than me. So , you would know.. I still have a friend for the past 17years. for the first two years we would have had fun but later fun fades and friendship grows. Now since he is also married we may not meet the way we used to, but definitely in touch and meet once in a while.. This is how i believe things got to work.
No Picture Pandi1980	Posted On Jun 25, 2018 Yes agree that sometimes everyone will rush have fun (NSA) To enjoy the beauty of romance a strong friendship or bonding is needed (I personally feel).No love or committment is needed but a better understanding is needed. Having friendship with married male is possible.I maintain good friendship with married men.All we need is better understanding.Married men generally have other commitments.We should respect and understand their situation.We should give their own space. My friends (married men) shared their number and WhatsApp too.I will not call them unnecessarily or sent them wrong/*** msgs in Whatsapp.They will call me while they are free and I will attend if I am free.If I wish to call them I will know the better timings. Some friends are known to my family.I agree that I can't reveal relationship beyond as normal friend.But I have that guts to introduce them as normal friend. Maintaining friendship is in hands of both the persons.
No Picture Tumki	Posted On Feb 1, 2023 This thread should come up in the front page for anyone interested beyond seks to read and ponder. A wonderful read!
No Picture abbasulli	Posted On Feb 1, 2023 I am sure, everyone in the community must have faced or pondered upon the nature of this urge and am sure 90% get into spiritual or meta aspects of life. Let me share my story, the typical phases perfectly fit for me hence just sharing the phrases and not the whole story and bore you with details. "No emotional connect at home", "Yearning for love, validation and acceptance from family and friends","Empty life", "Suicidal", "Early Bloomer - Realized sexuality at age of 12 ish", "Father straightened me with belt and due abuse", "Started acting straight with a face mask all my life", "I dont even know what being normal means?" , "Emotional drain - Social awkwardness" "Existentialist" Given such traumatic experience, you are conditioned to fear, you are conditioned to be scared to go out and be who you are !! HENCE all gays become existentialists at some point or other, we just see physical needs as fleeting needs and we just address it and forget it. Popularly known as F and Forget..!! I think i have fooled with about 10s of men, who were trying to connect to me emotionally, (probably i. was attractive when i was young) - But deep inside i am grown to be cynical, hence i fear having an emotional connect with any person, be it friend or a foe or a family !! To connect emotionally, there should be some common ground for both, which we lack most of the times : Reason : "if he is from same profession - we fear being running into each other and getting exposed (paranoia)" - "If he is from different profession, we dont have commonality" - No common topic of caste, relitgion, tradition, likes, interests can unite - because all these cant give us a backstory to have a cover up. All thats common in all interactions is "Fear" - Thank you Society, you have gifted me a living hell !! I am indebted to you so much, i ll for sure haunt all the straights when i come back as Devil !! :) And thanks for making this thread, penning down thoughts always lowers grief and anxiety ! Keep the post active. Every life matters - Every journey matters. May god bless all !! Peace.
No Picture hotbotpop	Posted On Feb 1, 2023 I have a friend with whom I used to do it everyday in college and 2 years after college. *** happened naturally, nothing forced. Both of us are married now and we don't do it anymore. We never talk about it either. But we are still good friends and our families know/meet each other. Even when I was on full swing with him, I used to get attracted to few other colleagues, friends etc. Even now, several years later I'm attracted every now and then to some friends and acquaintances. Almost always the feelings are reciprocated. Some of them are straight, some of them may be closeted gays. We never have ***, it's all about chemistry. And this romance/bromance feeling, that too without even knowing if the other person is also gay, is out of the world. It's better than any *** I'v ever had!
No Picture humki	Posted On Mar 26, 2024 I loved this thread, don't know why this is not high up on page 1. I totally agree with everything that is said, we have become so fast-paced or fearful or we have just normalised the fact that all we want is a F and Forget. There is a missing emotional connect that not everyone has access to. Humans (let me not restrict to guys) have come to a point where we are consider ourselves more individualistic than ever before. There is a complete erosion of any form of connect. Especially an emotional connection within most guys... as pointed above, people are fearful of building these connects due to conditions, situations and the environment we are living in. Previous experience where one has found the connection but got cheated or hurt because the other could not connect at the same level due to whatever reasons always impacts us in ways that we never imagine. This also happens in my opinion due to a lack of space where these things can be discussed openly, with family or friends or even a therapist. There is a lack of understanding on us and society by what we want and need for a relationship/companionship/partnership. For some it is easier to maintain a platonic relationship, or have a relationship outside marriage and/or with a married person. Some might not be, there are people who have found a soulful connection, but one person is scared or fearful of society and gets married. What does one do in this case? Is it easy to just move on? Is it easy to hold on to someone you know will never be yours in the truest sense? Or just follow the phrase "handsome is as handsome does" and move on to the next piece of cake? This makes us feel more empty than anything else. Is that what we are looking for? We are humans and we need an emotional connection to be built on all scales, family, friends, lovers, and everything else. It is us who have to make an effort to build and retain these connections. We can blame everyone else, but are we ready to connect at that level? Especially overcoming all our past conditioning and experiences. Lucky are the ones who have found it and/or will find it. The moral dilemma that we face now, is "to connect or not to connect"
No Picture ***	Posted On Mar 28, 2024 It don't think it has anything to do with being gay or straight. I believe the root cause can be found in our evolution. Men (Straight or Gay) carrying millions of seeds are coded with genetic evolutionary message of "survival of the fittest", they have to spread their "seeds" and hope the off springs are healthy and survive the nature. While women are coded with "Selection of the best" because they get pregnant only once in a year and that too only for a span of selected years, they are disposed to select the best. Hence the running joke is that a lesbian will bring a moving truck on her 3rd date. Hence a man will always be look out of next best thing. In straight world, there is social pressure and expectation to be married and to stay married, gays don't have have that social cover. FOMO is also another thing, why get tied to one when there is one out there, especially with technology you can find and play with random guys with full anonymity. Secondly, men can compartmentalize *** and emotions(intimacy). On the comment section, I'm seeing messages that all over the map. I think one needs to understand the segmentation- Some guys will give you all you need and desire all the time, all guys will give all you need and desire some times, but never, I repeat never- All guys will give you all you need and desire all the the time. Also the reason can be rooted in the fact that India, by large is still a homophobic country. definition of masculinity is also skewed here. If you are gay masculine, straight passing man, you have the privilege of social acceptance. But god forbid if a man demonstrates femineity (irrespective if he is gay or not) then he becomes object of ridicule and by guilty by association rule anyone befriending I do think there is big hope for the teen gays, with so much visibility of LGBTQ, acceptance in media, and society .. well atleast in major metros... the things will change in next 15-20 years. The more we normalize masculine intimacy, and acceptance of bromance, things will change. I do understand that this is very simplistic and tad bit overly hopeful.