Being teased for mannerisms, body shaming
As a child I was very thin, almost underweight. Never exercised or played sports except badminton.
I was attracted to boys and men, but didnt know it was sexuality. I am talking of preinternet days. In those days we used to attain puberty at the age of 14-15. Boys had started talking about *** etc when we were in 9th and 10th. Somehow the discussions were never about girls.
I remember once a boy senior to me by one year just stopped me during recess and asked, will you marry me. I replied, maybe in next life. I was too ignorant to understand what he meant and why asked this to me.
I was a scholar and when I went to college was of the studious type though not always among toppers like in school. Used to take part in extracurricular activities like elocution, etc. Again I was very thin but was gaining bit of fat at the right or wrong places .
When I was in a degree college , one boy from another division who used to stay in the same suburb as me used to tease me about my walk and how sexy I was. Now I realise he would do it when nobody would be around. I didnt like this and used to ignore him.
I had very few friends in college. When I was in my last year, our class played fishpond . I didnt attend but the fishponds for me were later handed over to me. One of which referred to my body and mannerisms. I never thought that I was female like, or had not been called openly so. The boy who wrote it was also a scholar , a topper. I used to write poems and was part of the literary association and my poems were read by many professors. This guy had also read it. Two -three poems were love poems with no mention of gender, but it could be inferred that they were addressed to a male lover.
My best friend in college was also thin and had almost similar mannerisms as me and also a scholar , but bold and extrovert. Many years later I found out that he is bi. He had not received any such fishponds.
Through him I came to know that the guy who wrote the fishponds teasing me was insisting on including those in the annual day celebration but a professor put her foot down and refused it. This very lady professor used to encourage and guide me in writing and reading literature. Nevertheless I attended the annual day celebration (for the first time in five years) and had prepared a retort for that fishpond.
Though I was shy, kept aloof from most , I would always give back during any confrontation. I felt bit angry and awkward on receiving those fishponds and knowing that the whole class had heard it. But didnt let my demeanour change Fortunately there was no name calling or anything as our college had mostly decent , sanskari crowd and ours was A division of the most studious students. Also me being a scholar and known to professors might have helped.
After so many years, I recalled this incident and realised now that those 3-4 guys might be latent homophobic. Felt like sharing it.
Anybody had similar experiences?
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|Displaying 1 to 36 of 36 comments.|
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 08:19 AM|
Please excuse my ignorance, but what is "Fishpond"?
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 09:18 AM|
This is quite common. Have heard this story many times on LGBT Facebook groups. The discrimination and hatred shown towards people who do not fit into the moulds made by society is common. I too was shamed for being chubby as a child. It did affect my confidence but at some level did not stop me from being myself and having many friends. I would always fire back with insults or make fun of qualities that they lacked in. Every human being has some draw back. You must always hit them where it hurts the most. They could be dum, failing exams, dark, short, tall. lack communication skills etc etc etc. Its very easy to find faults, no ? SO hit back and they will not mess with you. Of course it gets difficult when there is a group of them. The you need to take matters seriously. Involve others or the police or your parents and authorities. Just dont be scared and suffer silently. It will only increase their confidence. Hit back. Hard.
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 09:24 AM|
Fishpond -Anonymous messages or comments addressed to group members are written on chit, collected and read out aloud .
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 11:58 AM|
The fishpond is supposed to be fun, light banter. I guess the guy who wrote about me was a bit nasty. Nobody teased me about it afterwards. It didnt have much on effect on me.
I happen to have a good memory and recalled the incidents and was wondering whether this was latent homophobia. Maybe he found me girly. Those days there was hardly any awareness about sexuality etc. I am talking about the eighties.
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 03:18 PM|
I have always faced these criticisms too....I mean you can probably guess from my dp why.... But I was always the poisonous bitch.... spitting curses and insults right back to them.... even dirtier than what they had said about me.... I m not proud of it but these bullies need to learn their place and let us be in ours..... I have one huge regret though..... I had friend with similar mannerisms who also bullied a lot.... I knew he was gay like me.... He knew about too...but we never talked about... I had seen him get bullied in passing but I never bothered because I had a lot on my plate already. But one day I saw him running out of college premises crying at 8 pm. That day I realised what a mistake I had done ignoring those who criticized and orchestrated him. I realised he was not a crazy bitch like me. He was innocent and naive. It took me some time but I figured out a way to silence them for good and I did. And we as LGBTQ people need to fight these *** not just for ourselves but for eachother. We all have different experiences and we are all very different..... Hence not all of as can fight for themselves. We are still very good friends... Though we are working in different cities we talk a lot... about life, work, college, men. My only regret I didn't step in sooner. I will never do that again. I hope no else does it too.
|Posted On May 18, 2020 - 04:43 PM|
Have always faced this in some form or the other. Fortunately being one of the better students, I had a steady support group among the note seekers. My teachers too stood as a citadel. Probably why I got into teaching eventually.
Whenever too low, I remember my teacher Miss Anu's advice... We ourselves empower people to hurt us.
|Posted On May 19, 2020 - 01:04 PM|
Let me tell you an incident that happened in my previous organization about 7-8 years ago. There used be a tall lean boy, who had slight effeminate behaviour. He used to talk and laugh so. He actually used to join me in my breaks and I did share a few setbacks of.my.life. he asked me to guide him to mould his career and I did too. During an escalation at work ,it so happened that another guy called him -"wuss"- slang for effeminate behaviour which was totally unexpected. Though this guy retorted back,it had serious.altercations. I then immediately reprimanded the guy who name-called him and asked him to apologise infront the production floor. Then this guy quit and moved elsewhere
Though he told me that he had an gf and was intending to marry her, I could sense that he was trying to prove that he wasn't what he was called. I didn't probe much and told him to be what he thought was right and not to be afraid of what others think!he later moved out of Chennai as his father remarried immediately after his.mothers death. He was devastated!
Few years later I found him on a gay dating app and he had his pictures there., Must be in his early thirties now, I recognised him immediately but again I didnt ping him.
Hopefully he is happy now and enjoying his life as wishes to be!
|Posted On May 19, 2020 - 01:59 PM|
Good experience @unimate.. in our society, this type of behavior has social stigma attached to it.. hence effeminate persons are prone to get teased or humiliated..
That's the reason majority of us do not come out
|Posted On May 19, 2020 - 03:13 PM|
I had a similar experience like you mentioned about your senior asking you to marry. Once during my school days, when i was alone in the school and nobody around me, one of my senior came towards me and hold my hand tightly. He kissed my hand while i was resisting.. I could not sense his motives. He looked very sensuously in my eyes and left. His eyes were speaking something.. But later when i realized, he had completed his studies and left our school.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 02:01 PM|
Yeah. These have happened to me also. My sound and my Body shape is feminine. I started to develop manboobs When i was in school also. So they used to tease me so much.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 02:27 PM|
I also have a girly voice and some manboobs, my friends used to tease me in college day
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 02:44 PM|
Yeah my body is really petite and my friends used to tease me by saying that only if I was born a girl with the same body all the girls would be really really jealous and that so many guys would be after me.
I somehow never felt bad about this and actually used to feel really good. Whenever they would say this I go home and admire myself in the mirror what if I was a girl.
I think all the teasings and stuff made me the way I am today and I actually love it. Some of my friends used to bully me for e.g I wanted to go somewhere and they block my path just for fun and when I tried to go through they would use all the strength to push me back and stuff like that. It was pretty playfull but I really loved it. I wanted to *** them then and there to treat me as a girl and dominate me. I was always a girl from inside and I loved when any girly things used to happen to me.
Though I hate serious bullying and teasing. I am against it completely. But I've never experienced it to an extent of being shamed or anything. So I cannot say anything about that. Just expressed my feeling on playful teasing and bullying.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 03:06 PM|
I was always been teased with my private part and back size. when in college, me and my frnd went to pee. he accidently saw mine and laughed at me. I became shy and dint talk about it. then same guy came to my home with his frnds for combined study. then his hand touched mine in sometime. he then remembered toilet scene said to all my frnds tht my size is very small like a joke. they all laughed at me. he was telling let me touch and see wait. Somehow I got rid of that. later after leaving collge, I realized those were golden moments.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 03:19 PM|
Honestly a same incident happened with me but in this case my friend saw my *** and said wow it's so big although he is really muscular and stuff. Since that time I understood muscles and all doesn't really mean the *** is big and secondly a big *** doesn't really mean that you start thinking about *** some guy because the incident didn't change who I am right now. A CD who loves ***.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 04:14 PM|
In my experience *** size has nothing to do with overall physique of a person.I have been with muscular hunks with baby *** and small petite guys with big ***. It is always interesting moment before undressing to see what a person is packing behind the zipper lol!
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 05:28 PM|
i ws 12 yrs old now i am 55+. It was 14th Jan. Sankranti, there was a primary school nearly in there a Muslim teacher who was artist also. The school was closed being half yearly holidays. My school was also closed. I was 12 yrs old and can say poor because born in a large family. I also lost my front two teeth as my brother hit my head to the floor and broken them half and remaining halves were plucked out by a dentist, hard to find in those days. I used to roam about in the school. The Muslim teacher name as Mustafa or some thing a 30 yrs old guy black complexioned. He was pun with pubertine girls around him. But that day he had sent away those girls and asked to stay back. He wsas haviing kites. He told me do I want kites. I said yest. Ok take them. I took two and he made me to put thm aside and asked me to come and sit with him. He was sitting on studnet desk-*** seat table made for two pupils. I sat beside him. He removed his payjama down and was in her short cotton short white colour. He pushed me up and made me to sit in his lap. i felt shy of sitin in a man's lap. his breath was touching my neck. it was hot breath. he was rubbing his pelves to my butts. I was wearing knicker. It was spacey knicker. He pushed aside and did not have naything undre neath. he liftedme up an dpulled out his *** and pushed me into my anus. He pushed m down over it. For some time. I was feeeble and immature and fearful person and after some time, he released me. It was traumatic experience. He was stalking me for one more time. I was dpressed and it took me seveal years to escape from his looks asking for more. It also took me several years to come out of that depression. I am sharing because I was lean, undernourashed, lost two teech, half white hair and poor back ground. thats how tome people grow and out of hurt they learn to mature.
|Posted On May 22, 2020 - 06:52 PM|
I am sick and tired of this. People call by names, chakka, hijra, mamu, 50/50.. what not..
I never had many friends. At school my effeminate behavior was always criticized and taunted, at times, even the teachers..
At high school that was even worse. I studied in a boys school. I sometimes used to cry, thinking why people make fun of me and hurt me so much. Since I never had friends I used to talk to myself and sometimes to god.
Just imagine a teenagers life, full of just criticisms, taunts, rejection, hurt, making fun in a crude inhuman way...
I was devastated and my hopes were shattered when relatives used to treat me as a piece of ***. At times my parents and siblings too, used to comment so badly about my mannerism.
Out of all such negetivity I got, I was good at studies and other extracurricular activities. That alone made me famous among very few kind hearted people whom I used to mingle with. I was never rich those days, and that was another curse for me. Being poor, I was so badly ill treated by my relatives.
Now if I look back my life, after 32 years, I have very few sweet memories. All that the world has given me is just a whole lot of negetivity. I wonder why people don't understand? Even now at times, even after being educated and working in big companies as dignified employees, colleagues make fun of my mannerism.
Now I have become so negligent about it, I know people don't understand, or they don't have open hearts to understand what goes on in the minds and hearts of people just like me out here...
Luckily as I have studied well and earn well, now just because of my richness and good looks, character, many such relatives and so called friends who used to torture me, talk so sweet to me now. They even act as I have come down from heaven.
They pretend to respect me a lot. But I know they are just respecting my current status and nothing else.
|Posted On May 23, 2020 - 02:01 PM|
1. I studied in boys school in my secondary school and was treated like queen..needless to say like all other gay guys i was topper in class so no one dared misbehaving with me...men were drawn to my hips and always were flirtatious with me..some were homophobic but i am not all bothered
2. Coming to relatives part, i stay away from them.some of my uncles and nieces look down on me because am effeminate but i don't care anymore..toxic masculinity is not fully understood in west let alone south indian villages. I have the final laugh anyway as they all want their children to study like me
|Posted On May 24, 2020 - 02:10 AM|
Decentbottom, you had a tough life.
Looks like so many of the guys writing here are gifted . Or could it be that since they couldnt take part in activities other boys enjoyed - like ground sports, etc they focused on studies. Good for us.
Also most of us have overcome the teasing with just a scratch here and there. We must think ourselves as lucky and brave because I have come across news where teenager gays have committed suicide due to the bullying and teasing they faced.
|Posted On May 24, 2020 - 06:02 AM|
Decentbottom, I am very sorry for you and the environment that put you through that ordeal. At the same time I am very glad that you are very accomplished in your life and turned the table around. I am also proud that you never compromised on what your identity is and had your way. Ignorance is the best way forward and you did you best to come through!
That stage, particularly collage/university days are not an easy going thing. When you don't walk their way or fall into the accepted mannerisms and norms, you will be excluded from the group and ridiculed for worst. I guess the lack of sexual education at appropriate stage make them lack of awareness about sexual diversity or is it the culture we live in or both could be contributing factors for continued mockery or ridicule. Honestly, when I turn back pages in my own book, it's no different though it was not the worst that I had to go through. Maybe because I was consciously concealing my identity. As fifty said, we all must be glad that we passed that stage and came out firmly with out identity.
|Posted On May 26, 2020 - 11:37 AM|
I studied in a boys school in hostel in hill station.. i was bit chubby n girly body since childhood.. since i was girly in my actions n running.. everyone used to tease me n make fun of me .. i had only 1 to 2 friends ... once v had celebration in my school in 10 th std .. in a skit four of us danced as a arabian belly dancers.. i was happy dressed like tat n danced well swaying my hips n showing my bellies.. i got friends after tat especially seniors.. one evening s senior called to room to study n it was cold n he told i was beautiful n he hugged me.. as it was cold i didnt mind his warm hands carressing my body n it led to kiss .. he was good senior n didnt want to hurt n so i allowed him to use me n he made me to *** his ***... this continued for few days n then he told his friend likes me n then i did with his friend too.. i wanted to have lot of friends since i didnt have any friends in past 3 yrs n was lonely... gradually more n different guys started showing up to my room at night times.. they had fun with me ... some remained friends.. many used me for their lust n didnt even acknowledge me next day .. not even a smile... i left the school after tat year
|Posted On May 26, 2020 - 05:56 PM|
I wanna thank each one of you for reading through whatever I had scribbled here.
Many kind hearted buddies, texted me and supported my words. Am glad to see so many kind hearts around. I felt as if I got everything that I had lost. Believe me I mean it...
I wanna tell something to juniors and others who have gone through, and going through the same phase of life as what happened to me and others here. Remember one thing, its only you who will remain with you till the end. Don't lose hope. Never ever let your studies or career get impacted by these unfortunate awful happenings that we go through.
These incidents should always make us stronger than yesterday. I have learnt, understood and experienced that if and only if we get educated, progress in life, we get respect. If not, society's treatment would get worse day by day.
|Posted On May 26, 2020 - 06:18 PM|
You are right, all the relatives want their kids to study like us, and earn like, us. So materialistic... aren't they??
I sometimes take that as an advantage and say, it was really tough for me to reach this place, I don't want your kids to go through that trouble.... 😁😁😁
I know, either they don't understand what we really meant, or just wanna pretend as if they were too sweet to us....
|Posted On May 26, 2020 - 09:24 PM|
Amen to you Decentbottom! Glad u feel better..
Queer is a word with so many negative connotation. We made it sound positive.
Poor relatives, they had and have myopic view of the world. They wanted me to fit in their definition of a man and desperately tried to make me one. Learning cycling was a nightmare. Thanks to Providence, i was never ashamed of being girly. May be shy or intimidated but never ashamed of myself.
|Posted On May 28, 2020 - 02:34 AM|
Some people just don't understand the concept called "WE ARE WHO WE ARE". Why do people, even family, relatives unnecessarily go through the trouble of picking at others. Like you have lots of things on your own plate. Look at them. Why are you bothering others.
As much I have read through everyone's post above, mostly everyone has faced somewhat similar problems. If you're effeminate you're so much born that way. It's called genetics. No one can change that. Why are people so stupid to start body shaming others. That's so pathetic and something I never understand. No one has any right or authority to say anything about others much less shame them or tease them for their body or mannerisms. The same goes for any person's sexual orientation. You can't force a gay person to be straight or vice-versa. Our sexual orientation is determined by us. Not some random person or even our relatives or family. Its the part of our society that I don't like, which doesn't give us freedom to be who we are.
|Posted On May 28, 2020 - 06:17 PM|
Pls understand this is how it has been and this is how it will be ... Mindsets change gradually.
It is not just w.r.t. sexual orientation...it is prevalent in all walks of life.
Men shouldn't do household chores.
Women must be experts in managing home.
One should not have too much of meat.
Being aethist is not good.
Gymnastics are predominantly for females
HR is predominantly for females
Engineering is not for males.
All these rules our society has formed since ages...these gradually evolve.
So don't expect society to change quickly.
Rather expect that you will be treated differently for being different than others ( being different doesn't mean wrong)
One you accept and stop expecting others to change, world will surely be a better place.
|Posted On May 29, 2020 - 01:27 AM|
Well said Chembur!
Having faced discrimination ourselves , we should be alert that we are not discriminating against others, who are marginalised, underprivileged , excluded in other aspects.
|Posted On May 30, 2020 - 06:26 AM|
After reading so many enthralling comments I cannot stop myself to tell my story.since childhood I was bit chubby and shy by nature. I was sent to hostel there I few up and did my studies till 12. It was a boy's hostel. Comman bathroom and all you know how it is in the boys hostel. When I was 14 years old one guy my senoir teased me for having booobs while I was taking shower. There were only two people in the washroom. I didn't comment on it and rubbishes it off. But the incident grew one after another but he never touched me.
After my schooling I went to Delhi for atudies there I was with my cousion and his roommate. Even his roommate once said I would have married you if you were a girl. He commented on my chest, and my back portion hips that I will give the pleasure of girl. But whenever he used to said it he was alone with me but he never tried to touch me etc. These things happening and gradully I developed the effiminate feeling..
My cousin brother's friend who used to tease me was not a hunk but we'll build and sicne then I started fantasing myself with him. That was the time I started developing that effiminate feeling in myself. Yes it was bit harsh on my psychology thar i was called girly and having boobs and someone will marry me etc etc but today i do feel effiminate and desire a person in my life..
It was my cousin friend who brought out the true effiminate feeling in myself though he never touched.. and since then I started liking men..
|Posted On May 30, 2020 - 08:08 AM|
Peachiepie - good experience sharing.. can you share if you got anyone to love you and fulfill your desires.. how did it happen
|Posted On May 30, 2020 - 08:11 AM|
@wiseman51 no man not yet. Still waiting for that moment to be fulfilled and embrace it fully
|Posted On May 31, 2020 - 11:24 AM|
First of all i would like to appreciate the thread owner for this thread and opening up and sharing your feeling.
Secondly yes its way to common in school colleges to be called out for mannerisms. Most of gay boys originally have feminine traits. As we are very naive in our growing years we express it very openly without knowing its 'inappropriate' as per societal norms.
Only later as we grow up we 'learn' to hide them and put up our masculine masks and robes.
Groping in school, teasing, getting called by feminine version of our names (Rohan becomes Rohini) . a socially awkward kid becomes even more recluse, but at same time a bit extrovert and self aware guy can revolt and come out to himself first and then to whole society and 'be himself'
|Posted On Jun 2, 2020 - 11:57 AM|
I was not effiminate...so I got never taunted in my school days....but I faced much more criticism from people inside LGBT community. Gay world dictates bottoms must be twink slim hairless . Any bottom outside these measured guidelines is bodyshamed and ill behaved to. Worse treatments are received at gay dating sites... Direct block... Being gay bottom and not being a slim white twink is a curse... I sometimes think If I was a straight man my life would be much happier without all these bodyshaming
|Posted On Jun 3, 2020 - 01:21 PM|
Don't worry Bengali bottom. There are many such people who go by the stereotype. But there is also the other side who appreciate manly bottoms. Maybe you will come across such guys and get the happiness that you deserve.
|Posted On Jun 8, 2020 - 11:11 AM|
I was more effimative from young age and almost all family and friends teased me a lot.
Luckily few closer cousins and friends helped me to shape my attitude, though its little late.
Now 99% i have managed to hide my feminism while in public and office.
Developerd a secret G friends to shed my whole feminism and those guys will still wonder how im managing in home and office , with hiding my originality. Lol
Society gives me no choices. I learned to manage dual world of mine own and so called society.
But thing i got to know is , i was bòrn with more feminism and got developed that too much over young age.
After that i learned to suppress that and manage in this society.
Understanding & Acceptance of ourself and Reality, self-helping will assist gaining Confidence. Thing is v shd be bold enough of being practical ,rather being emotional.
|Posted On Jun 8, 2020 - 12:03 PM|
@bengali bottom.. as a fellow bottom.. with huge experience, let me tell you that everyone gets his due...
My suggestion to you would be .. don't make yourself needy.. then people tend to run away
|Posted On Jun 24, 2020 - 12:34 PM|
I too faced this prblms in my relatives @ my child hood time in school college times @ tution my neighbours 1 thing is tht they never teased me never told me face to face akwayz they use to back speech when ever they use to c me they use start discussing my topic n really now days we r really a topic peoples when ever c gays TG or CD always they start discussing about our life n laugh tease this should really b stop we all also a Human being we also hv a life like other peoples