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Self Acceptance & Emotional Support

Submitted by Coolbisu91 Location: All India (All India, India)

One of the hardest phases in a gay person's life is self acceptance. It is a battle that most of us have to fight alone. While some of us finally win the fight, a large number of persons lose it.

Knowing that I'm gay and accepting myself as gay was actually completely different. I was already struggling with my sexuality when I watched the movie "Dear Zindagi". There in a scene, Alia asked a gay boy "Why do you visit your therapist? Is it so that you can tell people that you're gay?" The boy replied "No, so that I can tell MYSELF that I'm gay"

That's when I realised the importance of self acceptance and started working out for that. It took me long to finally accept myself. But I think it would've been easier and faster if I could talk to someone.

So how was/is your experience? Pose share them. Your story can inspire many others like you.

And also to the ones still struggling, if you want to talk to someone, feel free to reach me. I can be the non-judgemental ear when you can still be anonymous.

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Displaying 1 to 32 of 32 comments.

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 02:59 AM

In my experience, accepting to your self or even saying it out loud is very important and at the same time very difficult thing to do. Especially when there is no one we can talk to(which is in majority of the times). I remember saying to myself that I'm not attracted to men while I was thinking about someone I found attractive. And once I slowly began start thinking its OKAY to be attracted to men and saying it out loud, I felt super relaxed and happy within myself. That also gave me courage to come out to my close friends and family.

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 04:44 AM

Main abhitak khud ko as gay accept nhi kar paya hun, its very diffcult. Confidence pe bahot jyada affect karti hai ye baat. Jab log lgbt ke bare me bat karte hai ya haste hai tab bhi aap kuch nhi kar sakte :(

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Auzy versatile
Posted On May 2, 2019 - 12:11 PM

Dont let history interfere with destiny. We have to stop being a victim of circumstances & start living the life we want

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 01:02 PM

We bottoms are setting up our mind as we are Gays, but society and 75 percent of gay sites are taking advantage of us. All friendship and love trust all the things going up to bed only. After *** bottoms are again alone only. I can't see any true friendship and love after *** in my experience.

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 02:36 PM

@Anush53 Then maybe you just have met the wrong people till now. I mean there are some nice people out here as well. Who just wanna have a friendship. *** is secondary. Sometimes you just wanna cuddle and talk as well. Or much less just chat.

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 08:11 PM

Self acceptance of gayism may not be much useful but having self respect is a good concept which teaches you to respect the guys who are gays. Don't blame the society, society is nothing but a group of people like us and we are part of society. Try to make yourself comfortable and accept the gays who come across in your day today activities of life

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Posted On May 2, 2019 - 08:23 PM

Anush53, i agree with your comments but all are have their own life besides ***. Loving passionately with your mate is different from having possessiveness on your mate. your passionate behaviour makes your mates close to your heart but your possessiveness makes them uncomfortable in their life. I have 25+ years of friendship with my bottom guys as we have a strict partition between our sexual life and friendship. Giving heart is much easier but console the broken heart is highly imposible. First realize that our sexual relationships are different from MF relationship, moreover most of the top gays are bisexual and having thier own family which the society accepted and made by them with heartfelt bonding with the members of their family. The bottoms respecting the family relations of their tops, can maintain a bonding of family friendship with their top guys. surely you will get lesser pain than you are presently getting with the situation you explained on 02.05.2019. merely doing *** is not make you happy adding heartfelt bonding with your mate will surely make you feel happy and the moments memorable in your life. Try once, surely you will get happiness in your life.

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Posted On May 3, 2019 - 01:19 AM

Anush53, no good relationship starts with ***. Two people can just meet due to other circumstances and like each other and finally fall in love or, if they aren't lucky enough to meet the partner from their day to day life, then they can start it by a simple date. *** is an important part of a relationship, but that can never be the starting point. So of you're, going for an One Night Stand with a guy, enjoy the ***. Don't expect for something great starting from that. It is called ONE night stand for a reason.

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Posted On May 4, 2019 - 12:10 PM

Anyone who wants counselling and support can approach Humsafar Trust. It is an NGO working in the LGBTQI space. They have a panel of counslers and psychologists who are qualified and experienced. Your identity will be protected. Do not suffer alone. Please seek help. You can directly go to their office on Vakola or you can fix an appointment. The details are available on google. Search "Humsafar Trust"and you will get the address and phone number.

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Posted On May 6, 2019 - 06:26 AM

Anush53 u are absolutely right I also feel the same thing
We Bottoms are jst for fun no real relationship ...........
We are taken for granted

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Posted On May 6, 2019 - 01:24 PM

Mebtm, I'm appreciating your expression openly. Many of our gays are expressing their opinions in a something hiding manner. They always pointing the weakness of bottoms. They are really not the part of our Gay world,but they are really straight Tops only to use the bottoms in the name of friendship. They need only the pleasure of ***. But their talking is like a counsellor.

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Posted On May 16, 2019 - 05:53 PM

Then what about bottoms their life
But gay marriages happen in foreign countries

And I dont want to be used by someone it's very slutty feeling

Y God made me a gay ???

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Posted On May 16, 2019 - 07:22 PM

Hello everyone...
Actually the concept of gay is basically wrong in our country ..People don't know what does exactly gay means..so the problem arises that one section of our community is being used & looked down .
There is a misconception in our country that gay means those male bodies who are born to get fu*ked. They want to fulfill body desires so that they pretend to love men & want relationship . It is very well equal to female prostitute...like it's oftenly said that prostitute doesn't have heart to love ( also one of the dialogue from the movie DEVDAS of 2002) .

But then how it should be ????
GAY means a man who is interested in another men. This is what everyone knows...
But if one goes deeply - it means a man who loves other man, a man who likes the company of other man, a man who likes to watch other man, a man who loves the smell of other man, a man who wants to share his life with other man, a man who loves being admired by other man, a man who want to earn & spend for other man & much more ...etc etc & finally reaching to bed for sexual desire ofcourse afterall that's what it should be ideally..
& Ofcourse in reality there is no top or bottom ...it's just a guy when in bed just likes to *** & one likes to get ***..it's very simple ...
But in our country it's used as a Surname ...like I m Mr.XYZ bottom or I m Mr. PQR top etc etc ...that's strange
& We revolve our life around those two words which make things go in wrong direction. Bcoz of which problem arise.
But what exactly happens --- *** , *** & *** ( maximum cases) . & the word relationship is used for those sexual intercourses which are done to maintain a single partner for long time & when the purpose is over ...there is no *** & the dummy so called relationship is over . ( again maximum cases as there are rare exceptions ) ....

Now comes the love part ... Ofcourse love means having special feelings for each other & all ...but if we go deeply again it's a big science with no facts & exact definition but is purely based on mutual understanding , trust , loyalty, responsibility towards each other & much more...
But in real in our country Gay relationship doesn't have these things as base...It is called love as it based on the pillars of trust , loyalty but the pillars of understanding & responsibility towards each other are less in use .
Like in straight couples it is being taught that no matter how much difficult your relationship gets at a point of time, give it a time find solution , be with each other , it will be on track again ...
But here its just walk off ....no responsibility no understanding ...( again exceptions are there ) ..no working on problem for solution ...

Coming to very different note....
What Ancient Indian mythology says about Homosexuality ????
Answer is simple : A person who has homosexual orientation should never marry the person of opposite gender . ( Bisexual ofcourse have the option to marry ) .
& one can easily find the statues of homosexuals having *** in many archeological places in India ( won't take the name ) which clearly signifies that it was allowed in our culture.
Coming out part ???
Now-a-days much of the Indian population & foreign population also has started accepting the fact that Ancient Indian culture was rich as well as was based on logical basis ...so the reasons to facts are such that one can trust them as they are logical ( now here m not talking about the superstitions & all just talking about such texts which really are logical & even used by foreign scientist & researchers ) coming back to the thing ...
What I suggest that referring the texts which are relevant to this & then have a logical & culture based reason to support to coming out to someone...bcoz here people think that homosexuality is foreign concept...
So try to give reference of our own culture so that it is easy to accept & trustable by Indian population .

Now coming to Marriage part:
Again here Ancient Indian texts are silent but allows *** between consenting persons as well as Indian law says same thing . But one more thing ...According to Hindu Marriage Act ( don't know about others so excuse me ) two consenting adults can marry according to their wish after or at attaining the age suitable for marriage. It is completely silent which two adults ....between male-female / male-male/ female - female ...so again it's not clear.
So homosexual marriage can happen but is not considered....So now that ???
Numbers play the game --- if a huge number of homosexual ( gay/lesbian) start to have real relationship & intend to marry , they should marry ...ones the number will start increasing , obviously it will be noticed & slowly slowly society & law has to accept & legalize it ...
What we think it's the govt. & society job to accept us & legalize us ...
What if this would be the thinking of freedom fighters ( they came to rule us so its there job to leave our country ) what would have happened ?!???
Even if the considerable amount of population goes & settles in foreign countries so that they make a family & live peacefully ...then again the govt. will have to consider afterall bcoz of its mistake only it's loosing its youth & workforce .

Talking about emotions & other factors :
It's okay that the gay person who likes to play bottom role feels his man superior to him...Why ???? I know it's natural but why ??
Now-a-days even in straight couples there are signs of equality & now people think both should be at par ( no superior both equal) again this is supported by ancient Indian texts .
Coming to our part ...if we start giving respect equally to each other then this problem won't arise...
It's the fault of both ( the person who calls himself top should respect the other one & the one who calls himself bottom should not over respect& surrender the other )
It's often heard that bottom are used like materials & all
Obvious answer : if u give yourself in wrong hands that's gonna happen ( don't anyone take it personally )
& m saying this bcoz don't always blame the other ...he also gets tempted & you also ...but to stop that thing from happening it's in our hand as we cannot control the other person's mind ...So don't ever think your blamed for being used but ur blamed bcoz u didn't used your power which u have...See afterall for our ownself one has to stand rather wasting energy blaming the opposite demon who did that ( again don't anyone take it on themselves ) .

Recently I read in some thread that being Gay is only right when u have *** otherwise it's a shame to be a Gay on this earth by not having *** ???
By the way no one has the right to decide the purpose of anyone's birth in this world ...So if anyone thinks it's a shame then from such point of view every single orientation is a shame....Think over it


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Ankit v
Posted On May 18, 2019 - 10:10 PM

I need to talk to someone about the confused feelings i have. I am very depressed everytime i climax because i cant accept the fact that i am a bi. The moment i climax and c*m, I am not bi ,i am straight again. Just because of hormonal disbalance due to overmasturbation, i think i become a pure bottom boy who likes matured tops! This dual nature puts me in a big dilemma and often makes me think i am insane and brings me to the brink of suicide. I cannot believe the amount of stigma and shock ill face from my family, my friends, my cousins, my relatives if they come to know about my bi nature. I have had numerous risky encounters and great pleasure from many tops, but now its wearing off and i dont feel ANY excitement anymore , nor girls nor boys! Maybe i broke my *** hormones and they are eventually dying out?

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Posted On May 19, 2019 - 12:45 AM

Ankit its heartening to read your message
Good news is even on a worst case scenario this does not warrant suicide
Try talking to happy gay friends...or else write your feelings as it is in a mail to yourself. Read it after 10 days. U wud feel how silly we worry about things as time goes on

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Posted On May 19, 2019 - 03:54 AM

I love being a bottom and have no problem being a *** bitch to straight or top guys. How can you look down on what you are all about. Message me and let's talk any bottoms feeling depressed

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Posted On Jun 11, 2019 - 09:25 PM

Yes, Ankit. Most of the so called gay/bi people on this site have a similar situation. They have come looking for *** from another guy because they couldn't find a girl to have ***.

And many people on this site are *** watchers. First they have watched lots of *** and masturbated a lot. Now they want to take it a step further and have *** with a real girl. But unfortunately they are not able to find a girl. So they come here looking for a guy to have *** with. They think something is better than nothing and satisfy themselves with a guy.

Give these people an option to choose between a girl or a guy to have *** with and I think majority of them would choose a girl.

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Posted On Jun 26, 2019 - 04:21 AM

Accepting yourself is a task. Knowing if you're in the right path. Well it becomes more difficult when your own people put you down. Give confusions and doubts into your mind. But it is a real important task that one has to take.

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Posted On Jul 5, 2019 - 02:15 AM

@Ankit v if still you are going though such turmoils do let me know if u have passed it of .. Well n good ... all u have to do is talk to some one u are realy confortable. we in this forum also had such phase to go through some had passed it some are still pasisng and few had matured in it.

Do reach out for any kind of help as i am part of Sahayavani - Helpline i will provide u those links to proceed to come out of your feelings

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Posted On Sep 9, 2019 - 06:30 PM

Hiii guys..i need a suggestion.. i m 26 yr old, you may laugh on it bt i m not sure wat my orientation is.. I like the company of mens/ boys of my age, i like to watch hot or naked guys in gym, on sites on mobile etc.. Bt Whnevr any guy in cruising spot touches me or touch my privates, i dont like this..evn make me uncomfortable despite of being good nature of dat guy, i dont knw why..

Also, sometimes my family talk about my marriage in future dat scared me.. i know this may ruin someone's life who'll tie to me.. i Cant confess/tell my family wat m i.. wat i like... i knw they will never tolerate n accept this.. wat should i do ??

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Posted On Sep 9, 2019 - 07:34 PM

Those guys in cruising spots, what do they touch? Your ***?

Kind of relevant, because maybe you're not top

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Apb *
Posted On Sep 10, 2019 - 03:26 AM

@ Suvees
Hi it's natural,, still you need some time to open up,, choose anyone with whom you are comfortable, and explore,,,,
No need to worry about you future marriage life,,,,
Once you trust your partner, then it's a smooth flow,,, tc

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Posted On Sep 10, 2019 - 09:51 AM

@Suves, I was in a similar predicament myself. I enjoyed gay erotica, sometimes even watching gay ***. This got me questioning my sexuality since I've only been with women all my life and enjoyed it a lot. To decide once and for all of I was bisexual or just like gay *** as a festish I met up with a guy on ohmojo to see if I was attracted to him and if I end up having ***. Once I met him and talke stop him it was apparent that I only like gay *** on screen and don't really like men touching me, it wasn't because he was unattractive but because being with a man didn't really turn me on, I even tried to kiss him but I just didn't like it, I didn't feel anything when I kissed him. I still rarely enjoy sexting and sending gay guys a picture of my *** or butt, but that's the extent of it. I wish I was bisexual, I could've had way more *** than I do now, guys are ready to have *** way more early on than women but I guess I'm just not into guys, just like gay erotica or *** as a fetish. So meet s guy and see if you like being with him. If you don't then you're probably not gay. Try to do the same thing with a woman too, preferebly not a prostitute.

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Posted On Sep 10, 2019 - 10:32 AM

@Suvess, let's at with an example. Does a normal average straight girl like it if a stranger touches her inappropriately? She definitely doesn't but that doesn't mean that she's not into having ***.
We, the gay community have set different set of internal rules for ourselves because enjoying *** in our own way used to be a crime here even until a year and 4 days back. So the cruising spot and *** with random people used to be our easy escapades from the reality...
But that does not necessarily mean everyone has to like that. We are different persons with different choices. May be you are not liking the idea of having *** with a stranger. And that's perfectly normal.
There are multiple possibilities for our genders and sexuality. They are not binary at all. You can fit anywhere within the spectrum and it's completely alright. So my advice for you will be to stop trying to fit within those set labels of gay, straight, bisexual etc and just keep on searching for what you like and what or who can make you happy.

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Posted On Sep 24, 2019 - 12:16 PM

Debdas- absolutely true. A person should not restrict himself or get bounded by gay, bi etc orientation. He should go ahead for harmless fun

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Posted On Sep 24, 2019 - 08:34 PM

True. It's a transition that I've witnessed. From straight to bicurious, to bisdxual, to pure bottom. Didn't let myself be narrow minded or restricted to anything and it led me to my true sexual identity

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Posted On Sep 25, 2019 - 12:44 PM

this is exact dilema i faced in my transition from straight to bi sexual it is bit confusing , but i suggest just go with flow never keep boundaries or limitations to thoughts flow with life , it will show it's beauty accept whatever it is.

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Posted On Sep 25, 2019 - 12:49 PM

Most mammals are bisexual. We humans are mammals too so biologically we too are but our mind is conditioned by education, religion, society,customs etc

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Posted On Sep 25, 2019 - 01:17 PM

My experience of me accepting myself as gay wasn't that hard but not very smooth too. I had obstacles on my part that i needed to go past through. I started feeling attracted to boys from a very young age. And I didn't know until the day a friend of mine explained to me about human reproduction, that men and women also have *** with each other. And later i read about it in my biology textbook and it was totally shocking as well as confusing to me at that time. The real problem started only after that. But before that revelation my life was pretty simple and carefree. I always have a fascination for sports since my younger days, so i used to spend most of my time playing different sports with my local friends in my locality. But first time in my life i started questioning myself and concern about my future started. There were so many questions in my mind that were unanswered and my confidence took a major blow. Most of my friends had also started making girlfriends at that time and they always used to talk about girls.I couldn't connect with any of their talkings and started living alone in my own confusing world. Also, most of the hindi movies at that time used to show gays as a funny character and society making fun of them. Also i come from a middle class family where my parents are quite traditional. All these things further didn't help my cause.
But the real turn around happened to me when i passed my 10th grade. I started reading about several personalities around the world. Also i started reading newspaper on the regular basis. I came to know about several famous gay people around the world. And it helped me a lot. I started believing in the fact that gay people have great respect in the society, even though our society treats us differently. Also the introduction of internet in my life was a boon to me. Several hollywood movies also helped me a lot in understanding things in a better way. Films like Philadelphia, A single man, Milk, Brokeback Mountain and several others changed the course of my thinking. Now, as a 21 year old young man, i proudly accept the fact that i am gay and don't wish to change a single bit of my sexuality. I know i am unique in my own good way and the rigid rules of our society bother me the least now.

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Posted On Sep 26, 2019 - 02:05 AM

@shapeoflove.. nicely written..
many of your thoughts are reflected by me
but have you come out on open about your sexuality?
how has been your experience

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Posted On Sep 26, 2019 - 07:51 AM

@Mg_123Yeah, i came out to my younger cousin this year. It was just through a casual conversation that i told him about my sexuality. And his reactions were very cool and supportive.

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Posted On Oct 14, 2019 - 06:10 AM

Being a bisexual is a hell I can't go this side or that side I can't accept myself as a gay I like to be straight but I'm getting much attracted towards boys and also I like girls without accepting both I'm so confused wat to decide