Planning for " Latter Days"
Planning for " Latter Days "
Everything is temporary. Decline is inevitable. As one enters into twilight years of life many of LGBTQIA community members may especially find themselves in life crises arising out of inexorable process of decline in physical vigour, personal estrangements-losses -bereavments , accrual of emotional setbacks , joblessness , financial penury etc etc
Many of us , sadly , languish and spend last years of life in utter loneliness , hopelessness.
How to plan for such inevitable " Latter Days " is a tricky question. It is especially difficult to focus upon this aspect of subsequent life during youth years with all vigour , hope , energy.
I will like to share few possible actionable methods centred around 4 principle axes of life
Physical well being - Eat well and in moderation , moderate but regular physical activity/ exercise , age appropriate vaccinations , preventive health check ups after 45 years
Mental well being - Anger management , Emotional equipoise , let go by gones , Forgive , meditate , inculcate hobbies, cultivate support structures with family - partner - friends - community - peers
Sexual well being - stay safe , exercise restrain and caution
Financial well being - Save for rainy days , Invest small amounts , minimise needs
Will like to invite everyone to share their views and opinions , criticism 😊
Will love to hear from ' Elders' of ohmojo community as to how they have been coping and what their personal experiences have been ...
What suggestions they will like to make to fellow young members ..
Reply/Post a comment
|Displaying 1 to 40 of 40 comments.|
|Posted On Jan 18, 2022 - 06:03 PM|
You have summarize practically everything - you need to take care of your well-being- physically emotionally mentally and financially - it is not easy but possible with discipline and patience
|Posted On Jan 18, 2022 - 06:57 PM|
How lovely to have a compassionate and sensitive topic area as this.
I am 48 and find myself on Grindr (the dating app) quite often.
It's apparent there is so much premium on looks and youth!
Interestingly, there are young men who are keen on company with "mature" men too!
I think nurturing relationships is important.
Pursuing a life-long hobby will definitely help.
There should be safe and welcoming places to meet for all age groups in the gay community.
Let's wait, hope and pray for the day when India recognises and celebrates (officially and legally) same-*** relationships.
|Posted On Jan 19, 2022 - 09:13 AM|
Thanks for your comments 🙏
I will post excerpt of my reply to private message I received with regards to this particular thread
The word ' hopelessness' still has 'hope' hidden within it...
As long as there is life there is hope and so does the possibilities of living. One still has long way to go .
One can still make one's life beautiful no matter what circumstances one finds him/ her self in. Important point is not to give up and carve a place for oneself within rock and hard place one finds him/her self in.
And yes , it ok not to be perfectly OK.
It is OK to lose .
It is OK to fail .
It is OK to grieve
It is All OK .
We are human .
We are neither God nor angels.
Like ' Dattaji' said to ' Najjeeb' during Battle of Panipat
" Bachenge toh aur bhi ladhenge "
If defeated , forced to treat
Lick your wounds , recoup
And be ready to fight again !!!
|Posted On Jan 19, 2022 - 02:17 PM|
We should form a support group .
Seniors Under gay Bombay Facebook group have formed another group called seenagers. Before lockdown, They used to meet to discuss various issues .
Under financial well being , buy health insurance.
For mental well being - we should develop hobbies or involve in work which gives satisfaction. Also to keep our brain active, play mental games like sudoku, crosswords, learning new language etc
|Posted On Jan 19, 2022 - 04:20 PM|
Appreciate your valuable insight.
Adequately covering Medical insurance and if one travels a lot then Travel insurance is a must for financial and physical well being.
Without medical insurance any illness these days can leave individual and his family in utter financial ruin !
Your rest of the points are bang on target.
Something which the longest sociological study done at Harvard University over past 75 years tracking thousands of young men and women over their life time. This is an unprecedented kind of study and results have been absolutely enlightening.
I urge everyone to watch this roughly 12 minutes tedtalk video on YouTube
' What makes a good life ? - Lessons from the longest study on Happiness .
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 01:54 AM|
@DrGoogle: I really appreciate your initiative to discuss significant issues which many do not realise or, they are not having proper channels to discuss these. You have very well articulated on various topics and so have other members. I wish to point out the following aspect, it's my humble opinion, so I wish to apologise for anyone who may get offended by that.
Loneliness is a predominant factor in many elder singles (straight or gay alike). Personally even elders who are bereaved of their spouses find a difficult time looking for just platonic companionship. But if you have a family, to a certain extent this can be resolved. But what to do if the person is single? One may be wholly dependent on siblings at that age. I cant speak for all, but it may be necessary to have good relations with your family. If they have come out and familial relations were strained, it would be good time to work towards smoothing them out.
If it doesn't work then nowadays professional services are available. Look up for Shantanu Naidu on Google. He is the companion of Mr. Ratan Tata. There is an organisation which cares for seniors called GoodFellows which has been launched by this young gentleman. You may want to enrol for their services. Loneliness is a terrible thing. One should never feel abandoned or not cared for.
On the financial aspect, it was mentioned to save for a rainy day. It is also important to plan your retirement. Since single elders are wholly independent, they shouldn't have to face the embarrassment of becoming dependent upon retirement. Choose a good retirement plan that will give you a comfortable pension and a sizeable corpus during the sunset period of one's lifetime. Financial independence is a must for all, irrespective of single or having a family. Please consider this, early investment in this can work a lot of wonders in building up your retirement fund.
Thirdly and lastly:
Most people dont like to think about this, but it is very important. After your time in this world, think about whom do you want to leave your earthly possessions with. Have a written and registered will and convey it to the legal heir in advance. Make lists of your holdings and investments so that the heir can enjoy the benefits which you have accumulated for them. This is very important for gay couples as well, since in india there is no legal status for such unions, the personal law deems the assets to be handed to the nearest of kith and kin, or in the absence, becomes state property. Hence to assure your choice of legal heir, do register a will explicitly stating all the investments and holdings with the magistrate and hold it in a safe place. Also ensure all your nominations are updated for ease of access to one's legal heir.
Thank you for the opportunity of hearing me out. Once again if anyone felt offended, I sincerely apologise, for that was never my intent. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 04:53 AM|
There is another problem. If you are single child or in many cases, only son or your siblings are faraway and you are staying with your parents, you end up being their sole caregiver. Which itself is a strain. I am talking about men in 50s and 60s having to take care of parents. This again emphasises the need for financial planning, savings and investments.
Emphasizing another point again - Creating bonds amongst gay people (not necessary for *** or emotional) but just as a support should seriously be considered. Even if you have a partner or other support system, do consider supporting others who may not have these.
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 05:18 AM|
Thanks for such a detailed and nuanced post.
Really appreciate your efforts
1. Loneliness and Solution
Shantanu Naidu is a real inspiration for the work he has been doing. It is no surprise that Mr Ratan Tata recognised his talent. I am glad to hear about professional companionship services being available. Having said that let me take a contrary position on any ' services ' that are primarily market driven. I have strong personal objection to invasion of any ' profit ' driven enterprise into private human domain like ' loneliness'. My personal favorite book by Political Philosopher Michael Sandel is " What Money Can't Buy - Moral limits of Market " . In this book Mr Michael Sandel makes a robust point that Economics doesn't do well when it comes to sacrosanct areas of human life. I think , we all , at individual and common level should strive to provide such support in good faith.
Mushrooming of Old age homes are result of crumbling value system. Everyone need to take care their elders ; one day we all will be in such situation. Delegating such responsibility to paid ' companions' should be the last resort. Exigencies of materialist paradigm will only accelerate further disintegration of human relations if such spaces are opened up for their interventions. From ' paid *** ' to ' paid companions ' to ' paid friends ' to ' paid love ' we will soon establish ' paid everything ' world.
I believe this shouldn't be the way to go about.
Loneliness is a terrible thing but 'paid companion' is an equally terrible solution - a solution nevertheless , I admit. These will be like to replace 'demanding natural garden' with ' artificial plastic ones ' that gives a resemblance of garden but only in superficial aspects.
' kanazawa ke phool ' ...so to speak of.
2. Financial Independence
I can't thank you enough for your point about having retirement plan. Thanks for elaborating it so well.
3. Legal heir
Your point about will to enable legally unrecognised civil - union partners in India is really valuable and timely.
We all know from the case of Priyamvada Birla will as to how kith and kin can contest the will and legal heir may be dragged to the court .
It becomes all the more necessary for LGBTQIA members to have a updated legally acceptable , registered will to enable the disposal of one's assets to nominated heir.
I take this opportunity to thank everyone because I may no longer be on ohmojo in near future.
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 07:06 AM|
I am 24.
For me making my dreams come true is my life mission.
But I also want to make sure that I am financially good and the most important thing is health-wise as in recent due to COVID and all.
I used to do little to no exercise but for the past 2 years.
I am regularly doing running/jogging for 1.5 hrs. I love how my body has changed, from exercise.
From a love perspective,
- I know the reality it is not possible to live as gay and have partner in Indian society,
- I don't know I may or may not marry
But for me, I want a friend/partner with whom I can share my feelings.
(But coming out to a friend is not possible)
So I am trying to concentrate on my other hobbies.
Sorry if my post is so negative.
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 11:25 AM|
As regards old age homes, I wont mind shifting to one when it is not possible to lead an independent life . With expanding life spans , it is taxing - physically and emotionally for children in their fifties and sixties to take care of parents who are in 80s and 90s.
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 11:43 AM|
Most old age homes are 'homes' for only namesake.
They are only paid chicken coops for Old where Old are fed and kept. Most lack basic humane features.
These have become convenient dumping places for children to whom Old parents have become a burden.
Whether to shift to Old age home or not is an individual decision. What is crucial is to be and remain as independent, self sufficient as far as possible.
In developed world , Old people are pretty active until their very end. In India , people have little time for themselves. Parents spend their lifetime in bringing up children forgetting to live their own life . In exchange parents impose their own values - dreams - expectations on children damaging their lives irreversibly. In the end , nobody is happy.
It is best that autonomy is granted and kept from early on and either generations lead their lives complimenting each other rather than imposing and interfering with each other.
For this to happen , clear demarcation of responsibilities and rights are must.
Key thing is to be and to say as self sufficient and I dependent as far as possible ( physically , mentally , emotionally, financially ...) till the very last stage of life.
|Posted On Jan 20, 2022 - 01:17 PM|
Have been reading this thread with lots of interest. Truly speaking planning for "Latter Days" is required for one and all. May be people from our community have added problem of being alone in those "Latter Days". Hence, as area of major concern.
First and foremost we need to be financial independent. This is of paramount importance to each and every one. Financial Independence comes from planning and implementing those plans very early in life. We are talking of age when we will be incapable of earning. Huge funds will be required to maintain the life style we are currently living. Even simple living without income becomes difficult. Hence, once should have a simple lifestyle. In India, inflation is a very big problem. Our savings should be able to overcome inflation.
Our current incomes should be divided in the ratio of 60:40. Bigger portion for savings and balance expense. Never keep all the eggs in one basket. So, we should distribute our savings in appropriate manner over Low Risk, Medium Risk and High Risk Investments. There are many products in market. Study the options available. Take help of professionals.
One thing which I have observed is that every stage of life has its roles, duties and responsibilities. These are well defined and being followed. In the latter part of the life, our culture states that we spend time on social and religious activity. However, the people of our age probably being self centric people (influenced by western culture) do not like to lead that kind of life. Further more, for people from our community as they rarely have families.
I understand that, like financial planning, we need to plan our " Latter Days" also. At present we all our busy with our business, job or professional life. We need to inculcate some hobbies, get associated in some social causes, routine exercises, etc. Further, these needs to be defined properly into day to day activities. Writing, Singing, Dancing, etc can be hobbies. I know of a old age couples without kids associated with charity organization. They use to devote time there.
There will be many problems. However, it is up to us what we make or do with our life. Be financial independent, inculcate old age hobbies and activities and be fit.
Last thing - we are fortunate to have a forum life OhMojo. We can share our thoughts and find like minded friends. In earlier years, this kind of platform was not there. Such platforms are of great help to many. Thanks OhMojo.
All the above are my own opinion and idea. There is no intension to hurt anyone's feelings.
|Posted On Jan 21, 2022 - 03:26 PM|
Hey all ,
Thanks for wonderful and highly insightful as well as informative posts for raising various points that can help us guide to better plan ' Latter Days '
One friend from ohmojo shared this privately. I found it as inspirational as funny it is.
This is the video of address ' 9 Life Lessons ' by Tim Munchin actor -writer -comedian Tim Munchin to University of Western Australia.
I hope you will find it entertaining as well as full of wisdom.
|Posted On Jan 21, 2022 - 03:40 PM|
For those who are unable to / don't want to watch video
Here is an except of Transcript concerning '9 life lessons '
One: You don’t have to have a dream. Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine if you have something you’ve always wanted to do, dreamed of, like in your heart, go for it. After all it’s something to do with your time, chasing a dream. And if it’s a big enough one it’ll take you most of your life to achieve so by the time you get to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaningless of your achievement you’ll be almost dead so it won’t matter.
I never really had one of these dreams and so I advocate passionate, dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you. You never know where you might end up. Just be aware the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery, which is why you should be careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you you won’t see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye. Right? Good! Advice metaphor… look at me go.
Two: Don’t seek happiness. Happiness is like an orgasm. If you think about it too much it goes away. (crowd laughs) Keep busy and aim to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a side effect. We didn’t evolve to be constantly content. Contented Homo erectus got eaten before passing on their genes.
Three: Remember it’s all luck. You are lucky to be here. You are incalculably lucky to be born and incredibly lucky to be brought up by a nice family who encouraged you to go to uni. Or if you were born into a horrible family that’s unlucky and you have my sympathy but you are still lucky. Lucky that you happen to be made of the sort of DNA that went on to make the sort of brain which when placed in a horrible child environment would make decisions that meant you ended up eventually graduated uni. Well done you for dragging yourself up by your shoelaces. But you were lucky. You didn’t create the bit of you that dragged you up. They’re not even your shoelaces.
I suppose I worked hard to achieve whatever dubious achievements I’ve achieved but I didn’t make the bit of me that works hard any more than I made the bit of me that ate too many burgers instead of attending lectures when I was here at UWA. Understanding that you can’t truly take credit for your successes nor truly blame others for their failures will humble you and make you more compassionate. Empathy is intuitive. It is also something you can work on intellectually.
Four: Exercise. I’m sorry you pasty, pale, smoking philosophy grads arching your eyebrows into a Cartesian curve as you watch the human movement mob winding their way through the miniature traffic cones of their existence. You are wrong and they are right. Well you’re half right. You think therefore you are but also you jog therefore you sleep therefore you’re not overwhelmed by existential angst. You can’t be can’t and you don’t want to be. Play a sport. Do yoga, pump iron, and run, whatever but take care of your body, you’re going to need it. Most of you mob are going to live to nearly 100 and even the poorest of you will achieve a level of wealth that most humans throughout history could not have dreamed of. And this long, luxurious life ahead of you is going to make you depressed. (audience laughs) But don’t despair. There is correlation between depression and exercise. Do it! Run, my beautiful intellectuals run.
Five: Be hard on your opinions. A famous bon mot asserts opinions are like *** in that everyone has one. There is great wisdom in this but I would add that opinions differ significantly from *** in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined. (audience laughs) I used to do exams in here (audience laughs)… It’s revenge.
We must think critically and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and hit them with a cricket bat. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privileges. Most of society is kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance. We tend to generate false dichotomies and then try to argue one point using two entirely different sets of assumptions. Like two tennis players trying to win a match by hitting beautifully executed shots from either end of separate tennis courts.
By the way, while I have science and arts graduates in front of me please don’t make the mistake of thinking the arts and sciences are at odds with one another. That is a recent, stupid and damaging idea. You don’t have to be unscientific to make beautiful art, to write beautiful things. If you need proof - Twain, Douglas Adams, Vonnegut, McEwan, Sagan and Shakespeare, Dickens for a start. You don’t need to be superstitious to be a poet. You don’t need to hate GM technology to care about the beauty of the planet. You don’t have to claim a soul to promote compassion. Science is not a body of knowledge nor a belief system it’s just a term which describes human kinds’ incremental acquisition of understanding through observation. Science is awesome! The arts and sciences need to work together to improve how knowledge is communicated. The idea that many Australians including our new PM and my distant cousin Nick Minchin believe that the science of anthropogenic global warming is controversial is a powerful indicator of the extent of our failure to communicate. The fact that 30 percent of the people just bristled is further evidence still. (audience laughs) The fact that that bristling is more to do with politics than science is even more despairing.
Six: Be a teacher! Please! Please! Please be a teacher. Teachers are the most admirable and important people in the world. You don’t have to do it forever but if you’re in doubt about what to do be an amazing teacher. Just for your 20s be a teacher. Be a primary school teacher. Especially if you’re a bloke. We need male primary school teachers. Even if you’re not a teacher, be a teacher. Share your ideas. Don’t take for granted your education. Rejoice in what you learn and spray it.
Seven: Define yourself by what you love. I found myself doing this thing a bit recently where if someone asks me what sort of music I like I say, “Well I don’t listen to the radio because pop song lyrics annoy me,” or if someone asks me what food I like I say, “I think truffle oil is overused and slightly obnoxious.” And I see it all the time online - people whose idea of being part of a subculture is to hate Coldplay or football or feminists or the Liberal Party.
We have a tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff. As a comedian I make my living out of it. But try to also express your passion for things you love. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Send thank you cards and give standing ovations. Be pro stuff not just anti stuff.
Eight: Respect people with less power than you. I have in the past made important decisions about people I work with – agents and producers - big decisions based largely on how they treat the wait staff in the restaurants we’re having the meeting in. I don’t care if you’re the most powerful cat in the room, I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful. So there!
Nine: Finally, don’t rush. You don’t need to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. I’m not saying sit around smoking cones all day but also don’t panic! Most people I know who were sure of their career path at 20 are having mid-life crises now.
I said at the beginning of this ramble, which is already three-and-a-half minutes long, life is meaningless. It was not a flippant assertion. I think it’s absurd the idea of seeking meaning in the set of circumstances that happens to exist after 13.8 billion years worth of unguided events. Leave it to humans to think the universe has a purpose for them. However I’m no nihilist. I’m not even a cynic. I am actually rather romantic and here’s my idea of romance: you will soon be dead. Life will sometimes seem long and tough and God it’s tiring. And you will sometimes be happy and sometimes sad and then you’ll be old and then you’ll be dead. There is only one sensible thing to do with this empty existence and that is fill it. Not fillet. Fill it. And in my opinion, until I change it, life is best filled by learning as much as you can about as much as you can. Taking pride in whatever you’re doing. Having compassion, sharing ideas, running, being enthusiastic and then there’s love and travel and wine and *** and art and kids and giving and mountain climbing, but you know all that stuff already. It’s an incredibly exciting thing this one meaningless life of yours. Good luck and thank you for indulging me.
|Posted On Jan 27, 2022 - 07:51 PM|
yes ...i am an oldie. i am an uncle (single)...not a daddy.
so what do i do?
sleep most of the time.
meet family and friends now and then (am overseas so dont have the indian context of family and friends living with me or next to me).
get on the net: keep myself informed of the latest news going on in india and around the world (nothing worth talking about!). check facebook and vent my opinions on those who think they are superior and that they can easily pass judgement (as an oldie, we grow wise and can easily identify idiots and trolls who need to be put in their box). i check forums like ohmojo and planet romeo that keep my sexual interests alive.
i also volunteer....gives me satisfaction to see that i can help another person with my education, life experiences (non-sexual) and my physical/mental abilities.
cook for myself and listen to music.
dont know how time flies...but i require more than 24hrs a day!
i read some good advice here by ohmojo members including dr google, for those growing old like me.
money is IMPORTANT! save what you can. you dont need a rolex watch to keep time.
health is MORE IMPORTANT!! so keep your body moving. keep your mind alert ( by reading or internet or computer games ) or you will loose it. eat healthy foods and too much sugar is not healthy! enjoy *** or *** (at least once a week or you will suffer from prostrate problems).
a happy life is MOST IMPORTANT!!! happiness is what you give to others and that reflects back to you. do things YOU WANT TO DO...you are your own boss! smile....dont become a grumpy old man....nobody like them! take time to visit family and friends (we all need each other in this life). teach someone to learn to read or to do somethings that you know but they dont, offer the poor some food.....dont take your talent and/or money to your grave where it will turn to dust!
|Posted On Jan 29, 2022 - 04:46 PM|
I'm 33 now. I'm very much scared of my future. I lost the hope of getting a life partner.
Not getting, how to plan finance. Mainly scared of loneliness... Assume in the future someday, I'm not well. I don't have anyone ask whether I took medicine or not. For the world, I look happy. But inside, I'm not...
|Posted On Jan 29, 2022 - 05:15 PM|
Our past experiences scar us but that should not mean that we give up 'Hope'.
Life is not only about having a life partner.
It is mistake to believe that having life partner will solve all problems. No , it doesn't.
Of course , there is this deep universal yearning to be in love and be loved. But love can come in many forms.
Only true antidote for ' Loneliness ' is ' Unlonelification'. There are plenty of lonely people in the world. Come and connect with them. Find common interests , communities which value those interests. Make friends.
Today with click of a finger you are able to reach out and connect with virtually anyone who is out there. Try it ! May be it will not work 999999999999 times ...but you just need it to work 1 time.
Keep clicking and keep trying.
JK Rowling tried selling " Harry Potter " to 12 publishers but without any success....everyone turned her down. Because she kept trying ....Harry Potter happened to us on her 13th attempt. Remember the importance of ' Trying ' and ' Not giving up ' . 13 is not that unlucky number in one sense 😉
Instead of nursing one's own loneliness , see if you can help others to end theirs.
The search for long term anything in this temporary life is a big mistake. Live in the present and to the fullest. Plan for' latter days ' but don't destroy your present for future you may or may not have.
'Live in Today- to the fullest possible extent '
This is what I often tell myself.
|Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 10:01 AM|
Agreed life may not be exactly easy for gay men, but pick yourself up. Steel yourself and stop waiting for that prince charming or the knight in shining armour. In the end, all are alone whether it's a homosexual or a heterosexual relationship. Relying excessively bon someone or anyone only makes you weak from within.
|Posted On Jan 30, 2022 - 06:17 PM|
Amazing topic but i never read it as am afraid of my own latter days.. i know its coming and its coming for sure...
In life been thru ups n downs so many times and sometimes it seems to me that its nvr ending.. giving up seems so easy now but got to stay alive..
I take each day as it comes.. set small goals instead of big ones.. and accumulate them to reach the bigger goal.. having a pet in ur life can help tremendously.. my dog helped me thru rough times..
Stopped looking for men n relationship..brings only heartbreaks to me..Arrey koi hai toh message kardo yaar😂.. anyways stay positive guys, eat healthy, wear mask as well as condoms..cheers.😘
|Posted On Jan 31, 2022 - 06:03 AM|
We need to face challenges of life. What we need is to plan out things in life. I do not say that life will be a smooth ride there after. However, it will be less bad. Having a partner is a desire of very human being. I would like to divide this requirement for a partner into category.
One is for our emotional need and other for our physical needs.
Initially physical needs may be more dominant and hence will take you towards satisfying the same. However, with passage of time, we require a more emotional connect. We need some one like minded to share our thoughts. We need some one to understand us the way we are. At this stage of life the physical needs take a backseat. There may be a physical requirement but it is of lower importance now.
I am stating al these as you have stated that you have stopped looking for men n relationship.
Have like minded friends with whom you can talk to and share your thoughts. This can be of great help, In this kind of friendship don't expect any physical thing. However, if that eventually happens, bonus for you.
If any thing kindly do connect we me. I for one can be a good listener.
Life is always beautiful. Its just that we need to adjust and accomodate. Look around and you will surely find the beauty of Life.
|Posted On Feb 1, 2022 - 04:49 AM|
Planning for 'Latter Days ' starts from acknowledging the fear of what is coming. Lines of one poem sums it well " Dust if you must , but bear in mind
..Old age will come and it is not kind ".
The fear for future is natural especially if past has not been particularly pleasant. One way to overcome is by understanding that future is evenly poised with bad as well as good possibilities. And agency of self can help tilt those balance of probabilities in one or other way. For that one has to take charge of one's life and act thoughtfully rather than let life be driven by pessimism arising from past and resignation to circumstances.
Death is certain , rather it is absolutely certain ( as of now) . Each and everyone of us will die ( sooner or later). Why then bother about what is certain and foregone conclusion ? Why bother about something we can't change. Life on other hand is full of great many possibilities. Why not then focus upon it ?
There is no one truth , one way to go about it. Everyone based on their perspectives and circumstances view what life means to them in their own way. It is important for each individual to introspect and decide and then set course of life. There are no rights or wrongs ; only decisions and consequences. Once one has decided a particular set of goals and course one also has to take the consequences arising and possible contingencies.
While one can 'plan' for few of them , it can hardly be possible to account for all eventualities.
True feature to be future ready is therefore to be flexible and adaptable to 'surprises' along the way ( which are inevitable ).
Life is short , unpredictable. There may be no tomorrow. So better live today well even as one plans for tomorrow and day after tomorrow and so on.
Take everyday of life as a bonus then and try to live it well.
Disclaimer - I don't consider myself as someone who has figured out everything and knows everything. This is my soliloquay ( self speech) . I am just sharing these self musings as my relflections. If you hear me speaking to you , consider me speaking to you as your equal - a fellow in same boat and not as some superior being 'advising' to steer your boat in one or other way.
Comments , opinions , criticism is always welcome 😊
|Posted On Feb 12, 2022 - 07:17 AM|
My plan is to make enough money so that I can afford a gender change surgery and take hormones to grow my hips, *** and tits as big and curvy as possible. Then I want to settle abroad and live my life as a woman. There was a Bangladeshi guy who was biologically born as a make but managed to get a white man to pay for his surgery and hormones. Now he is happily married to his white master as a woman. She looks so hot. In India men only want to use and throw bottoms. I am into fitness so I know that even after getting old I will be looking sexy and hot as a woman. But men may not be interested in me then. I am a *** addict. All I want is to become a real woman. Which is not possible in this life obviously. So I have to become a fake woman.
|Posted On Feb 12, 2022 - 01:02 PM|
sissybitch, govt /municipal hospital (at least in Mumbai) do perform gender correction operations. at much lesser cost than private hospitals or going abroad. Some such cases were in media for other reasons - parents filing lawsuit, a police personnel not getting leave sanction for the operation etc.
|Posted On Feb 14, 2022 - 08:17 PM|
Hi guys.. nice discussion
My point of view towards my life.... we born alone and die alone so learn to leave alone but just enjoy with your fellow travelers in our journey of life, don't hesitate to say good bye happily when time come as nothing is going to be with you forever.. . .. every tree got autumn and every leaf to turn yellow ... its nature rule so acceptance is wiseness... be strong and financially capable in every aspects of life to keeps your relations healthy with others.... respect your partner/s private space irrespective of gender and relationship.... always try to findout like minded fellow traveler/s, partner/s (by hobby, profession, sexcual likes, social interest etc.) so you can easily pass your journey happily, safely, enjoying.... respect everyone's thought never impose your thoughts on others, vise versa.
I have some oldage plans for single living guys like me irrespective of sexcual interest so whoever interested stay together with.. to know more about it... INBOX ME
|Posted On Feb 21, 2022 - 06:16 AM|
Read a book. Spend time with your close friends. Emotions and urges are confusing. so when you feel overwhelms ... Run. And yes. write a diary. It's very rewarding to read ten years from now. :)
|Posted On Apr 10, 2022 - 08:19 AM|
If it makes you feel any better latter days is not limited to the lgbtq community, hell it's not limited to humans as a whole. Just check out discovery!
We have limited options that's true. We lead an extremely cautious and sometimes a fearful life. But just look around. The latter days phenomenon is all around. As you age you step away from your military style daily routine.
It pays to plan for your retirement and latter days and start slowly moving into the phase. Accepting diminished capabilities is a big challenge. Loss of loved ones, reduced income, lesser options it's all gonna get into the mix. It has for everybody it will be the same for us.
This is what I believe to be the onset of vanprasthashram. Bramhacharya and grihasta were great. Bring on Vanprastha and looking forward to Sanyas. For as long as there is life in me, I will find my happiness.
|Posted On Jun 8, 2022 - 11:50 AM|
now am afraid as am also growing old and cannot trust anyone .As am growing old it scares me quiet often these days being gay.
|Posted On Jun 9, 2022 - 06:33 AM|
Plz guys always think positively
I am just 60yrs, staying alone, i lost my parents and wife no kids, enjoying my single life.
I had cancer already taken 18 chemotherapy.
But i wants to enjoy life.
There so many young guys they loves only uncle,, so i am not frustrated abt sexual life.
I used travel alone, so with grindr every tour bcom *** tour😂
Yes i have fat amount mediclaim, dats help me a lot.
I do regular gym, i do my regular domestic works.
In foreign country i visited gay sauna /bath house, i watch how older people enjoying there.
Yes i have only scare bedridden.
I used to pray to god for this
So friends plz enjoy life, if anyone wants to share his sorrow emotions with me i always there for u all
Wish u all good health
|Posted On Jun 9, 2022 - 09:22 AM|
FIRST OF ALL UR COMMENT IS VERY MOTIVATIONAL. GOD BLESS YOU. GET WELL SOON
|Posted On Jun 9, 2022 - 10:50 AM|
You're such a cool guy, Shantanunu
|Posted On Jun 10, 2022 - 05:01 AM|
I relate with Shantanu. I was working in the Gulf and had a serious heart attack in 2017. Was lucky 2 survive. Returned 2 India. Lost my mother in 2018. Was all alone. Covid struck. It was frightening being alone at the time. Met a friend on another platform. He was very supportive. Finally sold my house and relocated from Pune 2 Chennai. Found my peace here. Not very well-off financially but have enough to lead a decent life. Like Shantanu, want 2 enjoy life now. Gone r the days of procrastination and hypertension. Don't think anyone here should be afraid of growing old. Enjoy your youth. Life will take care of itself later. Do ensure that you save so that you r not dependant on anybody later. Wish everyone on this platform a wonderful and joy-filled life. 🍻 Cheers
|Posted On Jun 11, 2022 - 06:18 PM|
I m 52. I saved enough..not wotking . Enoug o tollerated bullying so i dont want wotk..single ..lonliness is there. Managing visiting temples. Prefer to work as part time teacher in service organisation without salary . I m not qualified teacher . Nothing i got so far. I m single whole of life . After college was in strict control. Parents paased away. Managing my lonliness . I dont like friends online. Wish i can get him in real life . Interested in travel
|Posted On Jun 12, 2022 - 08:14 AM|
Dr u can give up ur loneliness
Try to love urself
U r so nice that u wanted to part time teacher without salary, so why not teach street children
U will enjoy
Try to travel, if u like hill go to hilly area, if u like sea, go to sea beaches
Talk with local people, eat local their local food.
Join a health club.
Dont try to make urself in isolation.
I am sure u can
|Posted On Jun 12, 2022 - 09:04 AM|
Shantanu .no worries. I manage my lonliness . Whole life i have been so after my college life no one in life .all is well . Don't worry for me. I know how to manage my lonliness . Just i shared my self . You take care . All cant go hills and all . We need to find a solotion ourself .
|Posted On Dec 25, 2022 - 11:16 PM|
A wise man said, "Don't think about the past, you'll suffer; don't predict the future, you'll be disappointed; live in the present with smile and no fear" as life is filled with uncertainty because nobody can predict the future.
|Posted On Dec 26, 2022 - 09:45 AM|
But the wise man didn't say, don't plan for the future.
|Posted On Dec 27, 2022 - 11:15 AM|
@fifty, that makes sense. A little planning is always necessary.
|Posted On Dec 27, 2022 - 05:29 PM|
@fifty - you're spot on! Health and financial discipline are very essential, especially the former. I began planning for my old age when I turned 30 - healthy eating, regular exercise, etc. The same goes for financial security - you have to start planning right early.
|Posted On Dec 28, 2022 - 04:13 AM|
And since now technology is going good in medical sector... Health is getting better... So in future we will leave longer then before. Hence we will need financial support that time. So it is always better to plan from now only.
|Posted On Feb 3, 2023 - 04:42 AM|
came across this article