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Scared while cruising - How to overcome fear?


Submitted by BOTTOM MUMBAI Location: All India (All India, India)

Hello All,

The major problem I am facing these days is fear while I'm cruising different spots. I'm looking for advice on how to overcome this feeling and have a good *** with strangers.

The biggest problem I face is in approach, I do get decent guys they even give a hint but there is no move made from their side and I'm also scared to make a move from my side.

How do we ensure that we do not lose out due to fear while also making sure that we do not fall into traps and other risks?

What all precautions should we take?

Thanks.

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Displaying 1 to 34 of 34 comments.

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Matured M
Posted On Aug 9, 2018 - 09:59 AM

This is a problem with almost everyone. Fear of getting into trap is every gentle person's concern. I think we should remain normal and natural and judge others , if he looks gentle and humble then you should open up carefully.

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─╣olypop01
Posted On Aug 10, 2018 - 12:44 AM

Fear of getting caught makes me more ***.

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Gayparity
Posted On Aug 10, 2018 - 03:30 AM

While cruising don't carry anything not even mobile and you will feel safe

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starbm
Posted On Aug 10, 2018 - 06:48 AM

It is not the fear of cruising but the fear of getting caught in the act can ruin the day. Be always cautious and read the person well before throwing a hint at him instead of doing random things. Dont be loud and snoozy in your attire and your walks as well. There are some guys who suddenly start behaving weirdly after getting into a place like this. If you sense anything wrong at all, just leave the place. Better be safe then sorry.

Having said all this all these can only reduce the risks, not eleiminate completely. But thats the pleasure and fun also sometimes. You know what I mean

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jockey4nothing
Posted On Aug 10, 2018 - 12:34 PM

Observe cruising spot from safe distance. Check who all are frewuently coming and going... at first place it appears to be dificult if spot is at crowded place but give some time snd u will come to know who is coming bacj again again....watch if these people are talking to each other , standing together .. chances are that they r operating in gang. Avoid obviously looking chapri people.... watch out for footware person is wearing. .cops in plain dress do wear uniform shoes...dont carry anything valuable ..no crdit card debit card ...but 300 to 500 bucks and simple phone is must in case of emergancy... behave confident ; dont do anything that will attract attention of too many people..happy cruising...

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maduraimathan
Posted On Aug 12, 2018 - 05:26 AM

Supreme court is going to deliver the judgement decriminalising gay *** next month.....during the hearing all the 5 judges were in favour of decriminalisation. ...even govt said no objections. ...so wait for a month to get rid off the fear....thereafter having gay relationship in private place with an adult with his consent will not be an offence.....we can use the public places only for pick up

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Gulfisaforever
Posted On Aug 14, 2018 - 03:45 AM

Even when the law gets repelled, they can still book you for indecent exposure in public or molestation etc. So just be careful. And basically avoid cruising in low class areas. Better to cruise in sm upscale places than in a train station loo.

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Manuman
Posted On Aug 14, 2018 - 04:39 PM

Make multiple eye contacts. If he is interested, he will also do the same. Then do something like pressing your bulge and things will move.

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HeadsTailsAndHo
Posted On Aug 14, 2018 - 06:17 PM

Again this multiple eye contact works with genuine guys only.
If the guy is there to harass you, bash you, or has intentions to extort money from you, he also knows all these tricks.
He will give you signal by multiple looks and you will think he is genuine guy and you will follow him.

So far I have observed that
If I listen my 6th sense, which is very rarely wrong, I remain safe.
I avoid too many people around.
One o one or max a 3some is good.
If something is already going on, like you enter a loo and u see ppl doing fun already, that is safe scene for me.
If someone is very handsome, too good to be true, avoid him. Atleast avoid initiating the thing from your end.
By built, thighs, haircut, try to judge the person... A guy of good built, bulky thighs, good height, not fancy hair, infact short hair... Will be a cop or at guy, in 90% cases.

And even if you are caught, be bold.
Remember if you are not afraid, the goons start feeling helpless and nervous.

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Gulfisaforever
Posted On Aug 15, 2018 - 02:45 PM

I know its a bit tough for this to materialize, but i wish we made groups of our own, to teach all these scamsters sm lesson. Whenever one of us is targeted n victimized harassed etc, he could post the details of the whole incident, nd after making suitable investigation, we go n teach the guilty guy, group sm lesson. Sounds fancy, nd like an idea from sm bollywood movie, i know, but just a thought.

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fifty
Posted On Aug 16, 2018 - 05:37 AM

Turn it into a gang war?

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Slavebot
Posted On Aug 17, 2018 - 04:58 AM

Few years back i come across with the teen guy who was standing in loo and pointing his *** to others
Obviously this kind activity atract anybody wheather you are straight or gay
So i glance at his *** as he was teen age i got attracted also but in next movement i rushed out of the loo that gay came out and asked me what is time ?it was night 10pm i told him
He took this apportunity to start quarrel with me saying that i am abused him inside the loo
I said ok lets go to police station solve the problem he got panicked getting cought and called his othere friends they where hidden near by bridge
they were in group of 6 or7 all below 18
with stickes & stones in there hand to attack on me
I tried to deffence myself but one of them manage to hit from my back with chopper
I was lucky enought and servived my life by god grace
But from than i am in fear troma always and got doubt on every person i came across for such hook up activity
My personal life is screwed up due to this
This happened to me in 2009 still i am not coming out of this due to such bull *** guys i lost my enjoyment of life
i dont understand whats wrong if i enjoy doing m2m for my happiness with others mutual concern is that everything is going to solve by low and legally
Its my personal rights to leave my life as the way i wish why people dont undestand this

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cruiser83
Posted On Aug 17, 2018 - 09:17 AM

sorry to hear about unpleasant incidents, but i can offer some pointers after many years of experience:
-it's good to frequent a spot that you know of, where you can get friendly with some of the other regulars. this helps build a camaraderie and also discuss possibilities. many times, other regulars have helped me get out of possible sticky situations by telling me to avoid characters who could be dangerous.
-get a sense of the area and don't rush into any situation. know how to leave if that needs to be done.
-trust your instinct. in my many years of going to spots, i have always trusted my gut and if i dont feel comfortable with a guy, i don't go.

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Gulfisaforever
Posted On Aug 17, 2018 - 10:36 AM

@fifty
Its not abt starting a gang war, its abt fighting for our rights. U can give 1 million safety tips to a person here. But the truth is, even after following all those tips, he can still be made a victim by the scamster. The only real way us to get rid if that menace from the root. If we all think of keep avoiding the traps, one of us only is going to fall for that trap one day. May be someone who is not as smart as u n me. Not as bold. Or not as instinctively sharp or physically strong. Shudnt he hv the right to enjoy his life. If we dont care abt our own community who else will.

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Gulfisaforever
Posted On Aug 17, 2018 - 10:46 AM

I would like to appeal to any lgbt ngos staff or admins, if they r reading this, to look into the matter. This is a very real threat n menace thts happening out there. N a lot of us r falling victim to these types of incidents. I wud urge u to take sm steps here. Rather than organizing pink pride parades all over the country.

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letsfuck
Posted On Aug 17, 2018 - 11:24 AM

Pride parades, be it pink or of all the seven colors, have got nothing to do with extortion. The police are abusing their power to make money. Like most of the government offices do.

It is unfair to undermine important events as an antidote to a crime. Pride is very important for the community and has its own place.

We must fight this evil as a collective instead of expecting others to do it for us.

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fifty
Posted On Aug 18, 2018 - 01:32 AM

Engaging in sexual activity, whether gay or straight at a public place cannot be or become a right. Not at least in India.
If one wants to stop that kind of harassment and looting , (not to teach the guys a lesson) it is better to approach the police, directly or in group or via LGBT NGOs.

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Jeanebad
Posted On Aug 21, 2018 - 11:05 AM

Hi, I have had a lot of fun in cruising spots and it's not that bad. And trust me it's risky, if you mean fun by being naked and having hardcore stuff. Risk from getting seen by passerby, getting caught or having other guys join you. I often visit places and check for spots, only then I plan to visit them with guys. You can stay clothes in these spots, based on situation, as I stay clothed, with only my *** hanging out of my zipper. Softcore, Kissing and Masturbating are easy to have, if you stay alert and stay normal no matter how *** you are at that time. Pretend to speak on phone when a public passes, or try to look cool. Not many people doubt you. I always carry my cell, in order to stay calm and also to pretend whenever a passerby reaches.I always start fun with foreplay, and see if it's risky, if it is then I leave, if not, then it's a blast.

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Ammeyya196
Posted On Aug 21, 2018 - 03:38 PM

How to overcome on fear ?
I think fear is needed.
If we dont have fear then anyone can do anything at any limit and maybe get caught.
8 years before i tried for every loo for getting someone.
My first oral *** encounter was also in public toilet.
But one day i entered in a loo at dombivali stn platform 3 towards kalyan.
Everyone was doing some action there was full dark .
But as soon as i entered one guy looks like politucal karykarta started shouting to go outside.
I went outside immediately.
But that night i never forgot.
If we got caught .....no need to explain.
And already video clips and kurla stn loo news is spread among all .
Nowdays karykartas doesnot any agenda also

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rajron
Posted On Aug 22, 2018 - 03:38 AM

This is an old story, about 12 years back or so. There was a famous loo in cannaught place delhi near plaza cinema. I met a very hot educated guy there and we were touching each odr in loo. Suddenly a man appeared from no where and grabbed both of us by neck. He started scolding us dragged both of us out of loo. He claimed police inspector flashed his id and took both of us to police station nearby. Thats where drama started. He took away my cell phone. On insisting i need back to contact my friends we both were beaten black and blue. He gave me lecture on decency in public place and legal.condsequences. thereon asked for money. Finally settled for 15k. He accompanied both us to ATM, without being afraid of getting caught on cctv camera of atm..forced both of us sign a declaration that we were caught in indecent behaviour which we totally refused. Had a big impact on me and still i refrain from cruising spots.

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rajron
Posted On Aug 22, 2018 - 03:47 AM

Some of my learnings
No debit cards credit cards to be carried while cruising
Dont carry your car as keys may give an idea of yr financial health
Cruising spots to be avoided. To be used only for meeting if you are using at all. Be very sure re person you are talking
If you look polished rich from yr face appearance looks the way u r groomed, cruising spots are not 4 u
Dont carry yr phone as it is yr complete horoscope. If payment apps, mobile banking and digiwallets, it is becoming very risky if u r caught

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raagwantsu
Posted On Aug 24, 2018 - 08:11 PM

Guys,

This incident happened today, infact just an hour back to me in Delhi. I'm in Delhi and cruising in Grinder. A guy has approached me. He's too good with muscles and good personality.

I'm staying in a nice hotel in Chanakyapuri and this guy is from Kalkaji some DDA Colony. I have seen these kind of guys in Mumbai too, but Delhi is a bit too dangerous. I told him to come to my hotel, he said he's a bit drunk, can't drive, given address. I took ola and started started coming.
After reading the place, another tapori kind of guy who's completely uneducated and fully drunk and hold my hand and told he's paid. I said directly that I'm not into paid things and started to leave. He said he to talk to broker. He put in loudspeaker. The fellow is saying he will give good service. I said I'm not into this and started leaving. Then he called another fat huge guy who tried to snatch my phone. I hold it hard. He has taken between two vehicles and tried to grab phone or pocket. Luckily I kept my wallet in lower. He hold ne tightly.I couldn't withdraw from him. Nobody is reacting on the road thinking some normal dispute which is very common in Delhi.

Now I bite his hand hardly. Then I tried to leave, he moved his legs, so that I somehow slipped a bit but controlled. My one chappal stuck there. I thought leave the Chappal otherwise they will loot your whole wallet. He started running, following me. There's construction going on nearby, so there are full of concrete stones loaded there. I collected there or four and started throwing one by one. I think second one hit him hardly on the face and he fell. I ran away without looking back till around a kilometer without chappals. My legs are bleeding and then I took an auto and asked him to drop at Govind puri. My voice is not even coming out. I asked him to go ahead. He is asking stop, I said metro. He said I can't go now, you should go opposite side. I requested him, still he don't want to go as it's already 11.45pm. He asked to stand in opposite direction. I went and again started running, after few blocks, I got an auto to go ahead, he said ok and started moving. I asked him to drop at taxi stand, he asked where I have to go, I said Chanakyapuri. He said he will drop and asked for 200. I said ok. Finally I reached hotel safe.
Receptionist looked strangely as I'm walking without slippers with bleeding legs. Before he ask anything I quickly went inside lift.

Lessons to be learnt:

1) Never go to any place without doing video calls.
2) If you have place ask them to come as it's always safe if it's your place
3)I overlooked his english in his chats, blinded by lust you can say. Don't go with the guys you feel his english is not so good or his accent is not natural.
4) Always speak in english during chatting
5)The area which I went, is Kalkaji which is quite sub standard and not looking like a good area, I hope you know what I mean.
6)If you understand you're trapped, directly don't tell like in my situation, I could have acted like in a cool manner, and suddenly escaped, then all this drama would have saved.
7) Don't scare at all, without my conscience, I scared, but refusing directly made them confident that they can bully me. So don't scare at all.

This is happening to me, now I'm with a bit torn shirt, injured lips, broken legs, reached a posh hotel, imagine my situation. Kindly guys, beware

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rajron
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 06:26 AM

Sorry to hear yr del incident. I will never encourage any one to call strangers to your hotel. Hotel has all your biodata. I remember about four years back how Senior Manager HCL had to lose his job as someone he called to his hotel created scene at reception on way back. Hotel reported back to HCL and poor guy had to suffer. Be sure whatever u do and calcylate risks without lust overpowering decision making.

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Valentine84
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 08:19 AM

Sorry to hear the above story.. Guys please don't be blind cos of ur lust.. Our sexual orientation doesn't define our integrity. We have a life and a dignity which we can't let go at any point.

Never mix business and pleasure -it's definitely a recipe for disaster. Cruising can be a cheap thrill but it's equally riskier too..

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Piyush.youme
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 09:01 AM

Guyz this is real incident specially for bottom guyz. One of my friend told me his boss is a top gay. He told him once to pickup one bottom guy from pimpri gaon and handover his car keys to him. My friend picked up that guy and came to boss home. He is a drunkard. My friend said that he told him to stay in the room and he looked the complete incident. The bottom guy first enjoyed the body warming with boss. After that boss forced his *** into bottoms ***. His *** was long and highly thick. He then forcibly make him down and insert his *** into his ***. It was not going in coz it was big but he did not apply anything abd kept forcing inside. The boy was shouting and kept crying. He inserted cloth in his *** and keep forcing his *** in. Finally he starting *** it hard. There was blood from bottom's *** all over the bed. He rudely slapped him all over and inserted the *** twice. At the end given him 50 rs only to go back home. His pants also gone red due to blood from ***. I request donot go to anyone's house till you dont know him completely. First meet outside somewhere, if u feel good vibes only then proceed

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HeadsTailsAndHo
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 09:02 AM

@RaagWantsU

Sorry to hear your experience. But also a big applaud to your courage to come out of the situation.
Definitely you hurt urself, but u also hit that guy with stone. He will definitely think few times taking this path to get money.

Also, I felt bad that first auto guy denied taking ur ride and the 2nd one took advantage of ur case.
Just wish if we all can help others, seeing them in trouble, irrespective of his orientation or position or so.

But this is what I suggest ppl. Even if you are trapped to some situation, don't lose hope, don't surrender, don't quit. Try to come out of the situation.

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raagwantsu
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 02:17 PM

@HeadsTails, thank you. Physical injuries will go but the tension which I faced mentally, I'm feeling they almost my nervous system may break. After coming home, I realized that I could come home easily had I played along with them and suddenly run instead of opposing straight away. Could have faked a phone call and simply run away. I could have never lost my cool.

Both the auto guys might not have seen that I'm not wearing any slippers. First one understood that I'm in some trouble still he didn't help me. Second one some 10 mins, I don't think he charged anything extra. Even OLA could have charged more amount as my hotel is 8 kms from that place. My hands are so shaking that I couldn't even have dailed or typed for booking taxi. Second guy in a way helped me. It took one hour after reaching hotel to cool down. Yes I'm happy that I didn't surrender. But imagine if there are one or two extra persons or the drunken guy is in stable state, my situation could have been worse.


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298067
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 04:04 PM

This is the incident which I had faced 4 years back in Pune. I was roaming in the streets of budhwarpeth red light area and seeing proatitues for ***, I was standing near a closed shop, after some time to people came to me and started saying that there is a murder happened in the area and you have to come to police station. I was shocked and the take me to the place where less people are there, and started questioning me. I was so scared, I don't know what to do, they stared Asking my parents number, and when I told them please don't inform them they are asking me for money, I don't have enough money with me at that time so they asked me , you have any ATM or not, I told that I have ATM with 5000 RS, they told that go to the ATM and bring money, I was scared so I went to that ATM , but fortunately that atm don't have enough money, so I told that there is a ATM opposite side of road, they took me there but didn't cross the road, they are watching me for there only. I withdraw the money and started thinking and came out of ATM, as there is traffic some how I managed to escape from there and ran like anything. In this way I was escaped from that cheats. Later I found that those are not police, those are the cheats who are robbing money from the people by threatening them, and they will never come to CCTV. From that day I got experience that be confident and if you find any one like them directly ask their ID proof and always be in the surveillance of CCTV cameras. These frauds targets the people who look alone and coward. So be confident.

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Sagardvg
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 08:18 PM

I have had really bad experience & was so scared. They will deceive you n loot your money
Never ever follow a guy to some strange or isolated place. It would be preplanned
So guys be careful while cruising
I have learnt a lifetime lesson
But this lust takes over everything wen we are ***

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Lips4hugepoles
Posted On Aug 25, 2018 - 08:55 PM

Original poster.... Its good to have that fear. A lot of connmen are there to loot you. India unfortunately isn't a safe place for Gay men

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Rum Bun
Posted On Sep 8, 2018 - 05:50 AM

Of course cruising in public needs more caution. And cruising online also needs caution. Two days back I had a chat with a guy in grindr. He was strong and rough looking guy. His id said he is PG Medical guy. While speaking to him, he said he was just from abroad and want to taste an Indian. Then he said he has to go somewhere and waiting in a particular station. I didn't get why he was in this station when it is easy to go there from our place. He was insisting me to bring two wheeler and that to only to that station. I didn't go saying some reason. He called in the afternoon again and asked me to come to the same station with bike. I asked why not meeting in another place. He said it is not possible to do in that place. Then I said it is not possible in the station as well. He was particular about that station and bike. I refused and said no. Many of his claims didn't match. I would suggest to follow your intuitions well.

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Lips4hugepoles
Posted On Sep 8, 2018 - 06:06 AM

I'm guessing with 377 gone, the risks are lower now.

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Aarif2018
Posted On Sep 15, 2018 - 10:48 PM

Interestic topic..
I dunno how much of you know it. but there is a gay cruising spot in thoraipakkam, right next to bus stand..
My office used to right opposite to it, so while waiting for bus, i came to know it was a real happening spot..

Lots of college/office guys used to come there of course locals as well..
After mustering lots of courage i started venturing the area..
During those days, some how three years back, it was very much wooded area, fun was common after 6 pm.. Now entire area is cleared , but still some actions take place occasionally.. But good looking guys dont come any more..

Once i saw police patrolling inside this area as they know well gays visit this place. I have also heard local goons beat up the guys, if they catch them and snatch their mobiles and wallet..
Three months ago, one fine day i decided to try my luck and entered inside.. Some 4-5 guys were having fund.. All of a sudden two local goon came with heavy wooden log and started beating all.. One guy hold my collar, I just ,managed to got my self free of his hold, and escape the place..
Cant forget that day till now..

I would rather suggest not to have fun in cruising place. Threat is always present, either from police, goons or hookers themselves..
Be careful.

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Sasmathu
Posted On Sep 16, 2018 - 05:21 PM

@Piyush.youme What you narrated is male ***. The "boss" can be punished even with 377.