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How to deal with depression?

Submitted by Sasmathu Location: All India (All India, India)

Guys I am sure even the drop dead beauties and the most attractive guys among us undergo depression at some time point. At least once in our lifetime we would have undergone depression for "why me" thinking. This is especially true for homosexuals and those who are confused about it. Depression is part of homosexuality worldwide but would vary from individual to individual. So how do you cope up with depression? Rather than expecting help from others why cant we help ourselves?

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Displaying 1 to 26 of 26 comments.

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Posted On May 25, 2018 - 01:19 PM

I have been depressed all during my teens and adulthood for being gay. Many times I have cried. But my love towards animals have always helped me fight depression. It was initially a white cat came to my house when I was studying in 7 th standard he was with us for 4 years and passed away. Then one black kitten who was abandoned by his mom was looking for home and I brought him to our home.Though my parents were initially not interested they were then ok. It was super cute, loving and gave me a great company until I completed my college. I never had any great friends and whenever I used to be alone and depressed he used to cuddle me. Though he goes outside freely when he hears me he used to come back to immediately . It was 8 years stay with us and his loss was biggest grief for me. I have always felt both gays and black cats are discriminated. Many feel they bring bad luck however it is not. I feel sad when people say cat reason for discrimination. When I was abroad and my friend abandoned me I started habit of feeding birds and squirrels when alone they recognise me very well and i just felt happy. So in my life animals have helped me keeping myself happy away from depression.Like humans they don't see if you are hand some, smart the benefits you provide or any prejudice all they see is if you are loving and caring ..they give it many times in return. This was my purely my experience based on my nature. Now I am not having pets but keep thinking about them.

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Posted On May 25, 2018 - 05:42 PM

@Cherryblossom your word about black cat and gays is 100% true. Both are seen as bad omen. Yes do love us much more than humanbeing. Their love is unconditional and they most importantly they dont judge. I am pretty religious. For the past one year I keep yellu sadam (rice mixed with seseme seeds) to crows on Saturday to get rid of the ill effects of Saturn. Sometimes I see crows immediately flocking and within no time the rice ball is gone. On those days for some unknown reason I feel very happy. Some times nothing turns up and leave the terrace bit disappointed. Yes we g love to connect with animals.

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Posted On May 25, 2018 - 07:42 PM

@cherryblossom - Pets are a great way to deal with depression. I literally grew up among cats and kittens all my life. When I was class 8 a neighbours cat came to our house and chose to not to go back. It was a female cat and her kittens and their kittens were amongst us as our own family for more than ten years. After my newphew was born we didn't entertain them inside the house but restricted them with the garden area. The last kitty whom I loved the most and probably the most intelligent of the lot was "Madhu" - a male kitten which died due to some strange disease. He was my most favourite and I still have his pics in my mobile. When I feel low I used to see his pic.. It was clicked when he was trying to grab something.. Till date in my parental home my mom keeps a group of cats in the garden area and I mostly enjoy cuddling them when I go visit my parents.

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Posted On May 26, 2018 - 08:51 AM

Thanks for your comments. Nice to know about your experience.Especially pets are good for someone living alone. Gives them good company and support. Reading our thread i hope more people go for adoption of homeless beings and so it is mutual benefit for both.

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Posted On May 26, 2018 - 12:08 PM

On a serious note have anybody thought about the cause of depression among gs. I feel it is mainly due to two factors 1. Non acceptance and 2. Either loneliness (if they decide not to marry) or false life (if they decide to marry). The only permanent solution to this is removal of 377 which will never happen in India. If we are allowed to marry a guy of our choice and adapt a child (or better to get a child by surrogacy) then most guys would end up with a decent family with minimal stress and uncertainty. Anyway it is just a Utopian dream.

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Posted On May 26, 2018 - 12:34 PM

@cherryblossom - It’s always nice to read your inputs. It’s a proven fact that Animals have a huge role in enhancing the mood. In fact there are trained dog clinics in US where you can spend time with them to get rid of your lonliness.
@sadmathu - I think Depression is not limited to Gay people the stats probably indicate that we would be among the unhappiest nation in the world. And Depression affects all of us straight gay whatever the orientation. There are several factors but if you look around you would know why - look at the dog eat dog competition at workplace , look at how the joint family system is breaking and we are increasingly following the west about individualist thinking, look at how children are growing up with phone and internet no one really plays out in the open, when they grow they get killed by the intense competition too. Look at our crumbling infrastructure, you can probably be depressed by the time you reach home in peak traffic from taramani to tambaram. The stress factors have gone up consistently and support system gone down considerably. However if you have to beat depression or anxiety the starting point is to recognise you have it. Try remedies like meditation, positive thinking , mindfulness and in the worst case scenario try cognitive behavioural therapy or seek out a Good counsellor. Most of the Indians just fail to recognise depression as a disease which needs a cure just like any other illness.

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Posted On May 26, 2018 - 01:35 PM

Both depression n gay are conjoined twins I would say. At least in my case. We go through lots of stuffs in our teenage . Our friends started having crush on girls whereas we stared having crush on our friends. Lot of concussion over our sexuality. By the time u realise u r 25 at least. I go through depression. I stay away from lots of tings .

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Posted On May 29, 2018 - 08:09 PM

I overcome depression only with the help of music esp 80s Raja's music n 90s melodies with which I grew up with. I don't like pets

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Posted On May 30, 2018 - 05:35 PM

Music in an excellent remedy for depression. Some how when i feel low i always wanted to hear this song "evano oruvan vasikiran errukum edatil nan swasikiren" from alaipayuthey. Then this very old song called "odukiran orukiral ethaiyo thedukiral" by Sirkazli govindarajan from movie bradhrakali.

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Posted On May 31, 2018 - 06:13 PM

As exotic said, depression is the state applicable to every individual in this globe.It mostly arises due to disappointments, expectations,desires

We humans are unsatisfactory with what we have.We always look for something beyond our limit.We should practice to live with what we have.In case of gays,it can be like we should practice to live how we are and we should accept who we are.In general, we should not bound our limits and at same time we should be able to accept the ground reality

For instance, If we have bicycle.We usually have desire to buy a motorcycle.If it happens then next to car.This all because our unsatisfactory nature.We should realise our need.There is nothing wrong to have desire in the same way we should learn to get through disappointments and failures

In case of gay, People usually have desire to lead a straight man life.Actually if we look into their life they will also have some depression by some means.Even a handsome man will undergo the same phase as depression has nothing to do with physical beauty.It's our inner stamina to cross the hurdles which disturb us to the core

The main point to get rid of depression is taking the matters in easy way,lead with the flow, don't compare anything (you) with other (someone),if u compare pls think of people who are below your level this makes you to feel satisfied

If I am depressed , I usually call my mother and talk Something which makes me to relax and it's the best medicine.I do call my friends too.Sharing will makes us to feel better rather to bury everything inside

I hear some melodies and go for walk with my friends or alone to find root cause of my depression

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Posted On Jun 14, 2018 - 06:42 AM

Dealing with depression is really tough. Everyone of us have experienced it in one if firm or the other until now due to various reasons.
I don't have right to criticize or comment over others but just sharing my experiences with depression.
I think my life was never a path strewn with roses., It had more thorns than petals. My encounters with depression started with instances of sexual abuse faced as a young boy, that time I didn't know what depression was. But constantly I was seeking attention from someone, wanted to be reaffirmed that I was being loved and may be thatswhy I embraced getting abused n used by perverted men around me.
As I grew I knew what I was using my body for n felt the guilt of turning myself into a *** addict just because someone appreciated me n loved me in bed. That's too depressing,.
In reality I have been the most energetic n outgoing n active child involved in too many extra curricular activities n was quiet famous in my locality, school n community but I later understood it was just a mask or a shell that I built around myself to hide the depressed poor soul inside. I often smile n giggle n laugh a lot to hide my tears n fears of being lonely.
As I grew older I started going into a stage of cocoon where I shut myself completely from the entire world in moments of depression n sought tranquility in loneliness, there were moments of suicidal tendencies and constant pain which I couldnt voice out to anyone. Sometimes even I couldn't hear or understand my pain. There were times when I even took steps towards suicide n until last few seconds changed my mind not because if fear of death but because I didn't want to be a coward n leave the game half way.
Even when biggest n worst of the disasters hit me in recent few years I stood by myself with a thought that I don't deserve this I should fight against these challenges. I will not be an easy bait or an easy prey to god s challenges, I'm a born fighter n warrior. How many times ever I'm burnt to ashes I wish to rise again from those ashes as a Phoenix. I am still fighting this life full of challenges now with a smile on my face. I don't know if I'm doing it right or wrong but I know I will fight it with a smile . I won't give up now. You don't need help from outside you always need the help from within thatswhy I am the "Spark"

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Posted On Jun 14, 2018 - 03:45 PM

@Gayspark you spoke my alter ego. I could literally see the pain, agony and also the fighting sprite. You also proved that how my evaluation was wrong on your part. Reminds me of the old black and white tamil song "kannela enna undu kangal than ariyum-Movie aval oru thodarkathai". I always thought being a doc and an eye candy from an elite background you are the most blessed person. But then life seems different. But think about it. If a doc like you and a R&D person like me are finding it so difficult to cope up with depression, what about the lay persons who are uneducated? Opinions may differ. But i honestly I feel this is basically because of lack of acceptance of the society that we end up with depression. And this lack of acceptance is due to archaic laws like 377. I feel, that is where it should start. Both law people, scientist and medicos should join hand to bring about this revolution. Atleast the next generation shouldn't suffer. On a litter note "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". I filled with lemonade.

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Posted On Jun 15, 2018 - 06:43 AM

@Gayspark - I could feel your level of depression.True that u r famous everywhere.Personally, I know the spark inside u..Lol

Btw, u suffered everything within your mid 30's.Hereafter, u are a free bird (Hope u understand what I mean).If u can't then who will ? - remember this every time when u feel down.You are one of the born talents I have ever seen.Never ever give up all your talents at any situation.God bless you to be happy.I repeat, I will be there for u 😊

@Sasmathu - what u felt is right ? no one in this world will be depression free.Everyone has their one kind of depression.All are blessed but in one or some other way.

Your idea of joining hands is really appreciable.But practically, it's impossible too.How many of us are ready to reveal our identity in this society (it includes me) ? There may be one or two not everyone will be ready.Without showing our face to this world, we can't create that massive change which u expect.Just paying a donation and being a member in Gay organisation will not help to resolve this issue.We need to come out but which is highly impossible to everyone here.So, Let us pray for good and understanding society.It will change day by day.People here will not reveal them as gay but definitely everyone here will accept the gay persons and respect their feelings.Day by Day, number of people accepting this community will increase and at last, next generation will come out automatically.

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Posted On Jun 15, 2018 - 11:30 AM

It's very sad to read gayspark post about the depression and struggle he went through in his life.According to me the main reason of depression is self denial , feeling of being left alone. When you see other guys around date girls we long for a guy. All these feelings combined with whether to marry or not make us often confused and depressed. Guys in my opinion in present situation one should decide whether to marry or not at early age and start family sooner than later. I got married around 34 and myself being a insomniac life itself has become hard to sustain. Secondly planning life is also very important. As mentioned by Sasmathu gay marriage should be brought in to end all miseries.

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Posted On Jun 18, 2018 - 04:59 PM

@Pandi. Nice thought but I guess you got it wrong on my post. I dont think coming out is the solution for getting out of depression. Infact in a conservative society like India coming out can just be fatal- to put it blunt. 377 is a completely different story altogether. It criminalize us for no fault of us. That is bad. By joining hands i never meant coming out. Say, even in this tread some are in early 20's while others are in late 30's or early 40's. The experience of the older guys can be an eye opener for the younger guys- that is what i meant by joining hands. More importantly say their might be a silent spectator reading this tread who is influential in law. Maybe he can make a change without coming out. That is another way of joining hands. I personaly feel it is small changes which finally have a great impact on society.

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Posted On Jun 18, 2018 - 05:26 PM

@Sasmathu - Now I got clear about your idea of joining hands.That's true which you mentioned as an eye opener.It is possible also.

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Posted On Jun 25, 2018 - 07:38 AM

My perspective is that too much thinking is also a cause of depression. I find that the well read and educated crowd is more prone to depression because they question existence and meaning in life. I feel everything in life happens for a reason and it was meant to happen the way it has happened. Every person you meet and interact with, whether good or bad has been planted in your life for a purpose. So dont resent and brrod over the unpleasant incidents but just look forward to the brighter side of life.
Also there is a chemical cause of depression as well. There are some neurotransmitters and chemicals released in the brain which can elevate or depress the mood. To combat that, we need to have a lot of physical activity included in our lifestyle. Sports is an excellent activity which releases a lot of endorphins, which are mood elevators. Music is another activity. Just sing along while listening to a favourite song and see how much difference that makes. Sort out and keep company of a few good chat friends to help you at times you feel down.
And whenever you feel that life has been unfair to you and you are faced with a major problem just think of another individual who is going through a much larger problem than you are. I recently lost a friend of mine to cancer and seeing the way he was fighting it to the end with surgery and multiple chemotherapy sessions made me understand that my problems are nothing compared to others like him.

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Posted On Jun 26, 2018 - 05:30 AM

@tonedbloke Excellent thought process. I feel happy to have started this tread. So many dimensions, so many perspectives. Even rainbow has 7 colours but mind has several. It all depends on what we want to look at.

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Posted On Jun 28, 2018 - 12:35 AM

This is quite an important topic. Thanks for starting this thread @sasmathu. Most of the Lgbt people go through confusion & depression at some point of time or other in their lives and I am no exception to that.

For nearly three years, during my college days, i went through severe depression; at one point I thought I would certainly crack up. At that time, i read many books on psychology & spirituality to gain much better understanding of the human mind & being. I was also simultaneously practising certain meditation techniques, which drastically improved my will power. They worked out so well for me; I gradually came out of depression once and for all, without any medication. Since then, though there could be some occasional frictions in my life, I am mostly at peace with myself and with those around me.

Inwardly, people do not suffer from hundred different problems..the core essence of all the inner problems can be distilled into just one single issue "Deep ignorance about oneself & superficial understanding about oneself"
If we introspect, understand & accept ourselves thoroughly, (as to WHO AM I ?) at a deeper level, we can certainly overcome not just depression, but every other form of mental suffering. This is not a difficult rocket science; one just needs to have some interest and put some effort towards that end.

Introspection, cultivating tremendous will power & total acceptance (charanagathi), these 3 hold the key for ending all our inner maladies. One needs to develop the ability to use the mind whenever its required and switch it off & go to a no mind state when its not required; if we learn to alternate between these two states effectively, our lives would be much more wholesome and smooth.

Surrounding ourselves with well wishers & positive minded people also helps in life. They must not be the ones that support our weakness, but they must be someone who will not hesitate to speak up when we err.

One silver lining about depression or any suffering for that matter is that, once we successfully cross it, we are no longer the same person; we become much stronger mentally, more matured, less gullible and possibly become a much better human being.

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Posted On Jun 28, 2018 - 07:16 PM

@Mahesh that was fantabulous to put it simple. Everybody has a different protocol but the bottomline is acceptance of ones "self". Yes philosophy helps. Many many times i have thought about adwaitham, visitadwaitham and duwaitham. Three interpretations of the same vedas- in way they are complimentary and in a way mutually antagonistic- funny right. And saranagathi- well easily said than done. Infact I am in touch with a srividya upasaka whom i got in touch in this forum. This forum is amazing.

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Posted On Jul 16, 2018 - 09:40 AM

i prefer to stay close with nature..like enjoy night sky..sunset.. beautiful tree or flowers..

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Posted On Jul 16, 2018 - 06:25 PM

1) I write my thoughts on paper. The script is one language, the sentences belong to another language (Marathi sentences in Gurumukhi or Tamil)... :) I've been writing a diary for some time like this.
2) Baking - You concentrate on what you do, knowing baking is a threesome of aesthetics, chemistry and physics. You want to serve the best food to people you care for. That baking time insulates you from everything else.
3) Walk out to the nearest metro/train station. Find an old person or animal in need- be it food, water or anything else. Help anonymously, and return home grateful for privileges you forgot.
4) Speak to your divine beacon. It's Swami Samartha of Akkalkot for me.
5) Experience the landmark forum, it changes your perspective about looking at things. It helped me come out to my wife for the second time (I came out once before marriage, and now after eight years about my dual life. *** happens, but you get the power to deal with it.)
6) Talk to at least one stranger, make at least one child smile everyday. Let's spread the good contagious things. Joy, smile, happiness. It helps you in your darkest hours.

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Posted On Jul 17, 2018 - 03:02 PM

Hi, a lot of valuable suggestions here, and although I haven't been totally successful in dealing with depression I know that pets help, having goals helps, avoiding sugar helps, talking online to people who aren't fake helps, and probably a good relationship helps too although I haven't got one. People have to strive to avoid the competitive spirit of Capitalism which is both antilife and antihuman , destroying both the natural environment and the social environment. Don't underestimate its destructive influence, it's everywhere . Depression is a symptom, I say that even though I'm from the US which is the kingpin and enforcer of Capitalism.

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Posted On Jul 17, 2018 - 03:15 PM

There is a group called Sahaas that runs an LGBT support group for mental health... It happens on every 3rd Sunday of the month. So message them


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Posted On Jul 18, 2018 - 03:45 AM

Every person will go under depression coz if we didn't meet our expectations or hurt by someone whom we care much. Floks if any ve issues or couldnot come from ur depression. Pls vist ds place everday morning 9am to1pm. Fgag church indranagar 6thmain road indranagar. Defence colony.

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Posted On Jul 18, 2018 - 04:27 AM

I had got married after getting into gay relation before marriage. Then there was nothing till I stumbled upon the gay dating sites. Nowadays I'm feeling a sense of freedom and feeling more peaceful.